An: I in my infinite insanity decided I needed practice writing short stories. I have attempted humour, I think I may have managed 'lame' though. For this story I've taken the ever done over theme of bank robbery and tried to make it funny.

Short story 01 – Robbery gone bad

The bank building was small, ideal for a low key robbery…

"I'd like to make a withdrawal please." stated the customer rather nervously. If this nervousness in making a withdrawal was odd, the teller never would have noticed. He was too far gone.

"Hic," he burped. Standing on the other side of the desk, the teller was drunk as skunk. His eyes were glazed and in his right hand he held a bottle of whiskey. "Want some whiskey?" he slurred offering the bottle. The customer was far too nervous to be disgusted.

"Give me the money." She murmured softly. The teller didn't hear what she said properly.

"You don't like whiskey?" he asked slowly, his forehead wrinkled. "Well… Do you want some brandy then?" The nervy customer produced a gun and aimed it at his head.

"GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY, RIGHT NOW!" she yelled, her voice shaking. The teller looked puzzled, then he pressed a buzzer. The bank robber's eyes widened.

"Manager." he drawled. "The customer 'hic' wants some brandy…" She stepped forward and pressed the gun against his temple. The teller seemed quite unconcerned and swigged his whiskey.

"Robert! What did I tell you about drinking on the job?" The manager's nasal voice sounded through the hallway as she walked towards them.

"Call her off!" squeaked the bank robber, frightened that she would be caught.

The teller looked at her, as if he'd just noticed she was standing there. "Would you like, 'hic', some whiskey?" he slurred, offering his bottle of whiskey to her. The bank robber looked dismayed.

"I've told you a dozen times, Robert! You're not to– " The manager entered the room and fell silent. The bank robber had pulled out another gun and was aiming it at the manager. The manager lifted her hands up.

"Oh, 'hic', my god!" cried the teller in shock. "She's pointing a, 'hic', gun at you! 'Hic'." The teller pointed at the gun the robber was loosely pointing at the manager, totally oblivious to the one shoved to his own head.

"I don't like the guns, could you put them down?" the manager asked edgily. The robber stared at them both.

"I need the guns. I'm doing a robbery!" she protested, as she waved the guns around to emphasise her point. As the guns swerved towards the manager, she jumped back in fright.

"Why?" asked the manager in scared desperation. The robber was stumped by this question, then annoyed.

"'Cause I want the money!" she yelled. The teller fainted on the floor. He had finally conked out from the excess of alcohol in his system. The manager and the robber looked at each other over his prone body.

"Have you considered a loan?" the manager ventured. There was a pause as the robber considered this.

"How do I go about that?" She asked suspiciously. The manager opened a draw, and rummaged about.

"Here." She shoved a document under the robber's nose. "Sign this." The customer, picked up a pen and signed…

An: Yes, I am insane...