I've been trying to cry

I wonder how long

I've been trying to cry

With so many reasons

And to many whys

I think of the times

When I've tried to die

Cutting just deeper

To evade the lies

I see all the things

Though cloudy have past

They're racetrack reflections

And I'm dying in last

There's a world that I missed

Behind it the keys

The vital solution

To my hopes and my needs

The longer these words run

The farther down page

The farther from what

I intended to say

That I miss you

My mother my father my life

And it pushes me closer

Toward using my knife

If it could be simple

And legal and fair

We'd be in heaven

And we'd see Casey there

But it isn't legal

And life isn't fair

And no matter what I do

You won't reappear

It's simple to lose

But not so easy to break

The feelings that hold on

Hoping you'll awake

I know finding the end

Would be the right thing to do

But in some small way

I fear it may end me and you

So I push this last stanza

And force it to stick

Hoping our love

Might not die just so quick