Idealist

Ah, idealist
a man marked by his speech
his smile a variation of crooked
but radiant as much as derisive
part of the optimist elitists
still hopeful each passing day
believing, daring to keep faith
he faces his fears, confronts his doubts
looks forwards to happiness
counts the days to, even
but ah, the idealist
has a weak core, a single event
isolated by its secrecy
shrouded by the fog of forgetting
she was just a girl yet just the past
that would haunt him to no end
causing him to fall into self-pity
doubting doubts, fearing fear
he listens to the crows caw
on a chair facing south of the walls
into and out of the windows
where a portrait of sunset is painted
aha, the idealist!
cornered into cowardice
picks himself up, unlocks the window
there to curse at the girl of his past
who appeared and disappeared
just like in his dreams of her
in this moment he picks up the gun
(he'd bought it for safety)
he looks into the barrel, drops it
then he kneels and weeps
ahaha, the idealist.