17

you are alive and i am holding you,
begging you to stop breathing, sending slippery signals down my spine
because i am close enough to taste your sweat but
too far away to free your bones and from my view
all i see is royal veins singing beside your voice and
i am choking on spit, choking on how i am
insecure, too unsure.

the longer i stay here, trying to envelop you in
my small hands, i get lost in your lips, trip on my tongue
and watch swallow fly away because i feel like i am gagging
on my conscience. vicious vice, fatal, flawless and i realize
you are too much for me
to stomach, stand or study. i want to trust you, take your hand
but there is too much doubt seething
through the sponge of my brain,
while my heart holds more love than it wants to contain.

but as these thoughts threaten
to turn me away from the threshold of your throat, you
bury me deep in the screams of your neck (your coat), and say
"you're the one i'd be inclined to break"
oh! how you cage my ribs, keep me awake,

well, this is what it means to ache.