The Adventures of Captain Weenie (and Herb) in:

The Little Girl Who Cried, "Die!"

Roquefort University...

Jillian Santamaria presented her art portfolio to the professor.

"I hope you like it Professor McCoy," she said smiling, "I've spent four years on it."

He flipped through it for a second, "Good, then you won't mind spending another four years fixing this trash you call art!"

"What?" she asked, her eyes tearing up as he tossed her portfolio to the ground.

"Get out of my classroom before I call security," he said.

"But-"

"Oh, I'm sorry," he mocked, "Apparently you must be this tall to have a brain," he said, holding out his hand, inches above her short stature, "Now leave!"

Jillian wiped away her tears as she walked away, anger and determination staying on her face.

Deep in the Haitian sector of Roquefort...

Jillian walked home to her crappy apartment.

"What's wrong child?" a raspy voice asked.

"Who's there?" she asked turning around frightened.

"It's just me child," an old woman said, coming out of the shadows, "Ms. Jacque Frenchay, voodoo priestess extraordinaire."

"Good for you," Jillian said, backing up, "Don't be insulted, I'm actually just backing away from you in order to get a better view," she said before running away.

The woman appeared in front of her.

"Ahh!" Jillian screamed, "What do you want?!"

"To help, child."

"How?"

"I can give you unimaginable power," Jacque Frenchay said, "I can help you get revenge on everyone you hate."

"Why would you do that for me?"

"Listen munchkin," Frenchay said candidly, "I don't know why I'm here, I never even knew Roquefort had a Haitian sector, I'm just trying to advance the plot so play along."

"Okay," Jillian agreed, "Oh bestow upon me, dark witch, the endless possibilities of black magic!" she said raising her hands.

"Alright, calm down there, William Shatner," Frenchay said, "This isn't Days of Our Lives."

Roquefort U...

Professor McCoy flipped through the portfolios of other students.

"You call this a portfolio?" he asked, throwing it at the boy.

"Ow my eye!" the boy screamed as the edge of the book took out his left eye.

"Perhaps if you replaced 'port' with 'deplorable rubbish that is a' and 'folio' with 'pathetic excuse for talent'!" he shouted, "Now leave, Cyclops!"

"I've had enough of you insulting others, Professor," someone said from behind him.

The professor turned around, "Who are you?"

"I am your worst nightmare," the voice said, "And your most hated student!"

"You'll have to narrow it down," the professor said, "There's quite a lot of people who hate me."

"Well...," the voice said, thinking, "You can call me...Josefiend!"

"Ha, that name is great," he said sarcastically, "And by great I mean the most embarrassing display of letters ever jumbled together to form a word!"

"That's it!" she shouted. She stepped out of the shadows and drew a bee.

"You call that a bee? Ow!" he exclaimed as the bee stung him. Then she drew another and then another, and another (okay, well you get the point, there were a lot of bees). Soon the McCoy's office was swarming with killer bees all looking for a piece of him.

"Ahh!" he screamed, "They're eating my flesh!"

"Wow, can you believe we'll soon be going to college, Mike?" Paul Farley asked his best friend, Mike Lawrence.

"I can't wait," Mike said smiling, "I'll finally be rid of you."

"What'd you say Mike?"

"Nothing."

"Well I'm glad the guidance counselors took us on this trip to visit the university," Paul said excitedly, "It should be a real-"

"Ahh!" they heard someone scream, "They're eating my flesh!"

"Did you hear that?" Mike asked, alarmed.

"Yeah," Paul said, upset, "Who's beating John Tesh?!'"

"Quick, we have to check it out," Mike said ignoring Paul's stupid comment.

They raced through the hall leaving their group behind and headed towards the source of the noise. They burst into an office amazed at the sight of a ridiculous swarm of bees attacking a man and someone who looked like a dwarf standing there laughing maniacally.

"What's going on here?!" Mike shouted, swatting the bees away.

"Yeah," Paul yelled at the midget, "Who are you and what have you done with John Tesh, America's favorite entertainer?!"

"Uh oh," the incredibly short person said, "Better make my exit," she drew a small black hole, "You haven't seen the last of me, McCoy!" she jumped in the hole and disappeared.

Mike ran and grabbed the professor, running out of the office with him. Paul closed the door behind them, locking the bees inside.

"Are you okay, Mr. Tesh?" Paul asked worriedly.

"Who?" the professor asked, "I-I-I'm fine."

"He's not John Tesh, you idiot," Mike said angrily, "What happened? Who was that?" he asked the professor.

"I'm not sure," the professor said, "One of my students, she tried to kill me!"

"That little girl?" Paul asked.

"She's not a little girl, you brain dead bum," McCoy snapped, "She's just really, really short."

"Hmm," Mike said, pulling Paul aside, "I think we'd better get on this case."

"I don't know," Paul said, shaking his head.

"What? You don't think we should?"

"No," Paul said, looking at the professor, "I still think he looks a lot like John Tesh."

Hot Dog Headquarters...

Captain Weenie and Herb were hard at work in their Hot Dog Headquarters trying to figure out who the newest threat in Roquefort was.

"So, how are you going to solve this one, Herbie?" CW asked, watching a tape of the Sailor Moon episode he had missed.

Herb glared at him before turning his attention back to the microscope, "I took a sample of one the bees that attacked Professor McCoy and after analyzing it, it looks like a regular bee and has the same structure but look at his," he grazed the surface of the bee and showed it to the Ween.

"Paint?" Captain Weenie asked after inspecting it.

"Yeah," Herb said, nodding.

"So what does that mean?" CW asked, turning back to the screen.

"I don't know yet."

CW turned up the volume but then a picture in picture screen popped up.

"We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this late-breaking news," the reporter said.

"Turn that up!" Herb said, running to the screen.

"But Darien was just about to tell Serena that he loved her!" CW whined.

Herb glared at him and then kicked him out of the chair, turning up the volume to the news brief.

"-a mysterious villain has appeared at the Roquefort Shopping Mall, stealing clothes, cash and art supplies-"

"Art supplies?!" Herb shouted, "That must be the girl! Let's go!"

"To the Weenie Wagon!" CW announced, getting up.

Roquefort Shopping Mall...

The screams of people running through the mall in terror were mingled with the roars of the lions and tigers romping through the carpeted levels of the shopping center, tearing their razor sharp teeth into the overpriced designer clothes.

"Back off, you overgrown cat!" Carlie Hart, the richest girl alive, shouted, "That's my Gucci, Gucci label," she said, trying to fight the label from the lion's mouth.

The lion ripped it from her hands and knocked her down. She crawled on the floor, backing away from the ferocious beast. Carlie got up and ran, slamming into someone as she bolted.

"Ow!" she said, falling to the ground.

Captain Weenie turned around. Yes, whenever there's danger, Roquefort's favorite fighter of crime would be there. Captain Weenie, defender of justice, fighter for freedom and a size 6 in women's shoes, stood there, the last defense between (wo)man and beast. With his trusty sidekick, Herb, by his side, he was ready to take on whatever villain came his way.

"Captain Weenie," Carlie said, holding her broken nose, "You're here!"

"Oh hi, Miss Hart," he said turning to her, "I didn't even see you. Boy, you'd better get that nose looked at. I don't want you having to get another nose job."

"I've never had a-"

He shoved her aside, "Okay, shut up now and let me handle this. Herb," he said to his partner, "My mustard gun."

"It's right on your belt, moron," Herb pointed out annoyed.

"Oh right," he brought out the gun, "Take this, tabby!" He sprayed the gun at the lion, sending it flying back as the mustard got in its eye. The lion sprang back on its feet joined by other lions and tigers as well.

"Lions and tigers?" Herb exclaimed, unable to believe it.

"Beach chairs, oh my!" CW shouted with joy, walking into the Pottery Barn, "I've been looking for this style everywhere, I can't-"

"Captain!" Herb shouted, "Mind doing something useful?" He threw a ketchup grenade at the pack of cats, dousing them with the tomato condiment. They slipped and slid on the ketchup, falling over the rail and smashing into stores.

"Look up there," Herb said, pointing to the next level, "I see more lions coming from there, that must be the source."

"Up and away, Herb," Captain Weenie shouted, taking flight, "Weenie elevate!"

"Wait!" Carlie shouted, "What about these lions and tigers?!"

"You're right, you'd better stay put, Miss Hart," CW advised.

"With the lions?" she asked, dubiously.

CW sighed, "Doesn't she ever stop complaining?" he whispered to Herb, "Rich people," he shook his head.

"She has a point Captain," Herb said, "These animals are eating people alive."

CW rolled his eyes, "If it's not one thing, it's another," he said, "Okay, Herb, you handle the man-eating wild animals and I'll figure out what evil villain is behind all this."

That seems fair, Herb thought angrily.

Josefiend rode her elephant out of the last art store, carrying a bundle of stolen art contraband with her.

"Life is so much more easier when you don't follow the law," she said smiling.

"Correction," a voice called out, "Life was more easier. Until you got your dance card filled by the Ween, care to tango, villain?!"

"Ugh," she groaned, "It's Colonel Weenie."

"That's Capt- Ow!" he shouted as a lion pounced on him.

Josefiend jumped off the elephant as CW fought off the ferocious feline with a flavor for our fearless fighter. CW pulled out from his belt a pig in a blanket bomb, stuffing a few in the lion's gaping mouth. He kicked the lion off of him and ducked for cover as it exploded, paint splattering all over our hero.

"Paint?" he said, getting up, "Looks like your crazy cats don't hold up against a stable superhero such as myself, you villain!"

CW pointed towards the elephant, but saw no one on it. All he saw in front of him was a little Asian girl holding a paintbrush.

"Hey," he said, looking around, "Where'd that villain go?"

"I'm right here you idiot!" Josefiend said, standing right in front of him.

"Hmm," he said searching for his foe, "Hey, villain! Oh villain!"

"Down here, Captain Stupid!" she yelled.

CW looked down, "Well hey there, little girl, I don't suppose you know where that evil villain went?"

"I'm right here!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Move aside little girl," he said laughing, "I'm looking for someone important. I don't have the time to find your mommy!"

Josefiend steamed with anger. She brought out her magic paintbrush and drew a large mallet in the air. The mallet instantly became real and she took hold of it. She hit Captain Weenie with the mallet and he went flying into a sports good store.

"Hey!" he shouted, looking at the mallet midget, "You're the villain!"

"Josefiend's the name," she said, swinging the large mallet, "And I'll teach you to insult the vertically challenged."

"Hey, just because you're dumb," CW said, getting up, "Doesn't mean you have to get all crazy!" he threw a Weenerang at the mallet and knocked it out of her hands. It hit the ground and dissolved into paint.

"How do you do that?!" he asked.

"Watch," she said. She drew a door and then knocked on it, "Knock, knock."

CW went to the door, "Who's there?"

"I'll kill."

"Oh, I'll kill who?" he asked.

"I'll kill you!" she shouted, opening the door and slamming it in his face. The Ween fell backwards unconscious.

"Ha, pathetic," she said, drawing a black hole beneath him, "No one can defeat Josefiend!"

CW fell through the hole as Josefiend made her great (actually it wasn't so great, I'm pretty sure she just walked out) escape.

Meanwhile, on the lower level of the Mall...

"Herb! What are we going to do?!" Carlie asked, grabbing on to his costume.

"Well first, you can stop bleeding on me," he said, snatching his arm back, "And then, I need to figure out some way to restrain these animals."

He looked to his left and saw a toy store. He ran inside and came back out with a kiddie chair and jump rope.

"Back, Leo, back!" he shouted, whipping the jump rope at them. The other handle to the jump rope hit one of the tigers in the eye and made it even madder.

"Uh oh," Herb said, backing up, "Carlie, I think it would be a good time for you to hide," he said turning to her, "Carlie? Carlie?" he looked around to see she was long gone and he was all alone.

The tiger stalked him as he backed up, "Stand back, cat," he said, bringing out his mustard gun. Luckily he had it filled with extra spicy mustard. Unluckily, when it came to fighting a treacherous tiger, the spicy stuff just didn't cut the (well, you know). The tiger jumped on him, knocking him to the ground. As Herb tried to keep its mouth from his-everywhere, he noticed that paint was coming off of it on his gloves.

That's right, it's only paint!

He slipped out from under the tiger and ran into the toy store with the animals chasing after him. Carlie came out from her hiding place as she saw the animals running out. Herb chased after them with a water gun, dousing them with water and causing them to breakdown into blobs of running paint. After Herb finished every last one of them, he threw the gun aside.

"Looks like they're all washed up," Carlie said, walking up to him.

Herb looked at her, "Are you a superhero?"

"No."

"Are you a sidekick?"

"No."

"Then what gives you the right to spout a well-placed post-victory pun?" he asked angrily.

"Sorry, I just thought that-" Suddenly something fell from above, landing on Carlie, toppling her to the ground.

"My arm!" she screamed in pain.

"CW!" Herb said, helping him up, "What happened?"

"The dastardly villain, Josefiend gave me the slip with her paint coated creations," the Captain said, "Luckily this human-shaped cushion broke my fall."

"Carlie!" Herb exclaimed, helping her up, "Are you okay?"

"I think my arm's broken," she wailed.

"Ouch," CW said, "That looks bad, almost as bad as your disfigured nose," he said, tweaking her nose.

"Ow!"

"Come Herb," CW said, lifting off, "We need to find Josefiend before she causes anymore trouble!"

Back at the Hot Dog Headquarters...

"The humiliation of what happened to me today, Herb," CW said angrily, pacing in their HQ, "Beaten by a little kid."

"We'll get her, CW," Herb said, scanning the University files.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Looking through the Roquefort U. files," Herb explained, "This Josefiend has to be an art student of Prof. McCoy's and I doubt that there are many art students that are 3 feet tall so I figure we can find who she really is."

"Good idea, while you do that, I'll-"

"No more Sailor Moon!" Herb warned.

"-continue to pace angrily and mutter to myself," CW said, starting his pacing again.

"I've got it!"

"What?" CW said, coming up behind him.

"Her name's Jillian Santamaria," Herb said, reading the file, "She fits your description of Josefiend perfectly and it says here that she just received a failing grade from Professor McCoy."

"Great!" Captain Weenie said happily, "If she hates the professor too, I bet she could lead us to Josefiend!"

"Follow me here, you sorry excuse for a superhero," Herb said testily, "Jillian Santamaria is Josefiend!"

"Oooh," he said as realization dawned on him, "So now our perfidious pint-sized Picasso has a face."

"She always had a face," Herb said, "You were the one who saw her."
"That's beside the point, Herb!" CW declared, "It's time for me to put that avarice assassin artist in her place-jail, that is! You'd better tell the Nina and the Pinta to watch their backs, Herb," CW said, pounding his fist, "Because I'm about to take down the Santamaria!"

"And how are you going to do that?" he asked.

"I have," he paused as dramatic music played, "A plan."

"I thought you said you were getting rid of that music?" Herb asked.

"I like it," he said pouting.

Roquefort University...

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Mike asked, undercover in a giant duckbill platypus costume.

"Don't worry, this plan can't fail," Paul responded, trying to catch the Frisbee, "If we blend in with the regular college students, no one will know that we're actually Captain Weenie."

"And Herb," Mike reminded him.

"I'm not Herb," Paul said confused.

"I know, I am."

"No you're not," he said, hitting him in the back of his platypus head, "You're Ducky, the official mascot for the Roquefort University Platypuses."

"And you're an idiot," Mike said shaking his head.

"Correction my monotreme muchacho," Paul said, "I'm a college idiot."

Paul put on his sunglasses and fixed the Birkenstocks on his feet, "Hey dudes," he shouted to the other college kids playing games on the college green, "Mind if I scope some playage?"

"Huh?" one the kids asked, "What does that mean?"

"That's wicked, bro," Paul said, interrupting a hackey sack game, "This is hellatight!"

"Who is that guy?" someone asked, as Paul moved on.

"Excuse me, do you know where I can find the library?" a woman asked Paul.

"Hey man, I'm not going to be a government tool for the man, man!" Paul protested, "Free Mummy Ali, man! This is wack, dude!"

"Uh...what?" the woman asked.

"Don't tell me to turn down my Dave, man!" Paul shouted, "I don't tell you how to live within the corporate machine, do I?!"

The woman backed away from him as Mike came and pulled Paul away.

"Can we just get this over with?" he hissed, "Where's the McCoy imposter you said was coming?"

"He's right over there," Paul said, pointing to the petite man sitting on the steps with a cast on his arm and a bandaged nose.

"What is Carlie Hart doing in a wig and fake moustache?!" Mike demanded.

"Carlie? I don't see Carlie anywhere," Paul said smiling, "I only see Professor McCoy," he winked at Mike.

Mike slammed his platypus hands to his head.

"Calm down, Mikey-er, I mean-Ducky," Paul said, "All we have to do is wait for Josefiend to fall into my carefully planned trap."

Jillian Santamaria's Apartment...

"Haha, I have the whole town under my control," Josefiend said viciously, "With this magic paintbrush, not even Captain Weenie and Herb can stop me!" she plopped down on the couch, "Let's see what the media has to say about my rampage on the town."

She turned on her television to the local news.

"This is Paul Far-I mean-Captain Wee-I mean...a random college student reporting from the Roquefort University college campus," the random college student said on the television, "Where the brilliant Professor McCoy is about to be presented with the "Greatest Art Professor in the Universe for Ever and Ever" award. Because he is truly the greatest art professor in the universe and he will be forever and ever," he turned to the professor, who was really Carlie Hart, "Professor do you have anything to say?"

"What?! This can't be true!" Josefiend screamed, standing up, "How can that hack receive any award after what he did to me?!"

"Yes, I do, Capt-I mean, random college student," Carlie as the professor said, reading the cue cards Herb, as Ducky, the school mascot, was holding up, "I would lick to say that I am the...grassiest...art professor and that my...strudel, Jillian...Margarita- I can't read your handwriting! This isn't making any sense."

"Santamaria!" the random college student hissed, "Jillian Santamaria!"

"Oh, okay," Carlie continued, "Uh...I hat Jillian Santamaria and am glad that she got an F and is being kicked out of school. And now I shell get my award and laugh heartily for a long time."

"Start laughing!" the random college student hissed.

"Oh, right...Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Josefiend threw her remote at the television screen, breaking it, "Argh! That jerk! I'll kill him if it's the last thing I do!"

With that she quickly drew herself wings and flew out of her apartment.

Back at the University...

"How was that?" Carlie asked as the broadcast ended.

Captain Weenie as the random college student smiled, "We really appreciate you coming down here and doing this even though you're terribly injured and not even a police officer or anyone in any way suitable to do this dangerous job. Don't worry, we'll never ask for your help again, you were horrible."

Carlie frowned, "I could try it again."

"Please don't," the random college student said, holding up his hand, "It'll just make me hate you even more."

"Do you think that actually worked?" Herb, as Ducky, asked.

"Of course, Ducky! A brilliant Weenie brand scheme always works!" the random college student said, "Now everyone to your places. Josefiend should be arriving any minute-"

Suddenly a strong breeze blew through the main green as Frisbees flew off their course and hackey sacks fell to the ground. Everyone looked up to see what was going on.

"Look up in the sky!"

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"No, it looks more like a butterfly!"

"Really? I see a choo-choo train," the random college student said, looking up at the clouds.

"Over there, you moron," Ducky said, turning him around, "It's Josefiend!"

"That's not Josefiend, Ducky," the college student said, "It's just a little kid," he walked over to her, "Aren't you, you little cutiepie," he pinched her cheeks, "You're not that artistic acrimonious assassin, are you?"

"Hmm, let's see," Josefiend said, drawing a baseball bat. She hit the college student with the baseball bat, sending him flying across the green, "Yep, looks like I am."

Ducky ran in front of Carlie to protect her as Josefiend advanced towards them.

"I won't let you hurt Carl-I mean the professor, Josefiend!" Ducky said, spreading out his arms.

"Get out of my way, you evolutionary enigma!" Josefiend sneered, drawing a wolverine,

"I hope you know that wolverines are the number one predators of duckbill platypuses."

Ducky's eyes grew wide as the wolverine set his eyes on him and then started to chase after him.

"Now we're all alone, Professor McCoy," Josefiend said sinisterly.

The random college student got up wiping the grass stains off his cargo shorts, "Aw man, and I just washed these three months ago!"

"Help!" Ducky shouted as he was being chased by a snarling wolverine, "Change into Captain Weenie, now!"

"Hey!" the college student said as Ducky headed for him, "Don't bring that thing near me!"

He started running as well.

"I'm telling the truth, I'm not Professor McCoy!" Carlie insisted, "It was all just a plan by Captain Weenie to get you here."

"Save your breath, McCoy," Josefiend said, drawing a cannon, "You're going to pay for all the pain and suffering you've caused me!"

The wolverine cornered the random college student and Ducky near one of the administration buildings.

"Nice doggy," Ducky cooed, trying to calm down the dog, "Don't tear us to shreds please."

"Uh...I'm a big fan of you, and all the X-Men actually," the random college student said nervously, "You know some people say that you're a total Clint Eastwood rip-off-"

The wolverine growled ferociously.

"Uh, it was Ducky! Ducky said that!" the random college student cried in terror, "Savory tasty, plump Ducky!"

"You sorry sell-out!" Ducky shouted, "Turn into Captain Weenie, it's our only hope!"

"No more injustice, no more crime, look out world; it's Weenie time!" he said quickly in one breath.

The random college student and Ducky were transformed into Captain Weenie and Herb and they flew away from the snarling beast.

"Ha, see you later you dumb dog," CW yelled after the wolverine, "I like DC better anyway!"

Carlie dodged the cannonballs of paint being bombed at her as she raced through the green trying to get away from Josefiend.

"Listen to me!" she shouted, tearing off her moustache and wig, "I'm not the Professor, see!"

Josefiend stopped, "Hey, you're not!"

"That's right, Josefool!" Captain Weenie shouted, landing in front of her with Herb, "She's just a decoy. Or "deMcCoy" if you will. This was all a clever plot on my part to draw you here so we could put you out for good!"

"You two again?!"

"Your pathetic pooch was nothing too big for us to handle," Herb announced, "Now give up!"

"Ha, do you fools really think I will?!"

"No, but we're obligated by the National Superheroes Association to say that," CW explained, "Or else we pay a $5 fine."

"Oh, that sucks."

"Yeah," CW nodded.

"If I can't kill the true Professor McCoy, I'll settle for you two superchumps instead," she said, turning the cannon to them.

She tried to ram them with the cannon but they dodged it, flying up in the air.

"Ha, you can't catch us with that cannon in the air!" CW boasted.

He was hit with a large cannonball and fell to the ground hard.

"But she can catch us with a cannonball," Herb said, descending to the ground.

"Ow...pain," the Ween moaned as Herb helped him up.

They started to run as Josefiend chased after them with the cannonball, trying to shoot them down.

"What should we do?!" the Captain complained, "I'm too young and valuable to die!"

"You're half right," Herb muttered as they dodge another cannonball, "Listen, I have an idea."

"It's about time!"

"Her paintbrush. That's the thing giving her the magical powers," he shouted as they doubled back, "We have to get it away from her!"

"How exactly do we do that?"

"Your mustard gun, I filled it with something special, just for this occasion," he explained.

"Ooh, the honey mustard?" CW asked eagerly, "I love that stuff!"

"No, dummy," he said, "Paint thinner!"

"Good one!" CW said, stopping and taking out his mustard gun, "Hey Josefiend! Over here!"

Josefiend shot another cannonball at him and he disintegrated it with his paint thinner gun.

"Ha! Take that!" he bragged, destroying another cannonball.

As CW took out the cannonballs, Josefiend became more distracted with taking him out. Herb used the opportunity to sneak up behind her. He tapped the right side of her shoulder and when she turned around, he reached over from the left and grabbed the paintbrush.

"I got it!" he announced.

"My paintbrush!" Josefiend wailed.

"And now to put an end to you, you dastardly diminutive drawer!" Captain Weenie shouted, taking out a pair of especially small handcuffs for her, "Like these cuffs? We made them just for you," he told her, while putting them on, "I call them the Captain's Kiddie Kuffs. Hehe, that's witty, right?!"

"Shut up you weiner!" she spat.

"Hey, that's weenie," he corrected, "Captain Weenie."

"Good job boys," Commissioner McAllery said as Josefiend was being carted off to the Newberry Nuthouse, "You've managed to capture yet another criminal and keep the citizens of Roquefort safe."

"Thanks commish," CW said breezily, "It was no biggie. I knew my plan would work. Right Herb?"

"I had no faith in you whatsoever all throughout the whole ordeal," Herb said seriously.

"That's great," the Ween said, not paying attention, "Hey commish," he said, looking at the ambulance, "What's up with the ambulance? Herb and I are fine."

"Oh, it's not for you," the commissioner said, "Carlie Hart was gravely wounded from your plan, she's being rushed to the emergency room as we speak."

"I guess that's the price you pay for not being...the real McCoy," he quipped, "Get it, the real McCoy because Professor Mc-"

"Yeah, we get it, shut up," Herb said shaking his head and walking away.

"But you're not laughing," he said, running up to catch up with him, "Maybe you didn't hear me. I said she wasn't the real McCoy."

"Yeah, I got it! Leave me alone!"

THE END