But not at me.

"If I fall... If I fall..."

Hold on to the strength of a soccer ball.

Walk the walk of victory.

Sweater draped over shoulder, feeling the power in each step.

Feel the wind wash over my sweaty face.

But then I fall.

Grasping for something that died.

I scream and yell.

Then I don't.

Hold on to the destroyed wall that is my home.

"If I fall... If I fall..."

What would happen?

Would there still be faces?

Smiling their wide smiles.

At my empty seat.

Feel my wall crumbling.

No. Please.

Please be strong.

Let the sound of a guitar string

get me through this.

The sight of a soccer ball.

Almost puts a smile on my face.

But then I feel the hand.

On my shoulder.

"I don't understand why you..."

The dirty looks.

The blank faces.

Stepping over me.

Not turning your heads.

Not feeling the saltiness of my tears.

Stare up.

At the blank ceiling.

locked up.

around and around.

Feeling myself falling.


In my river of tears.

Feeling the coldness.

The stillness.

My cloudy day.

My rainy day.

My ponytail day.

"If I fall... If I fall..."

Please don't smile.