We are looking at a blank television screen. Finally, an advertisement for an upcoming movie comes on the screen.

Film Studio insignia comes on: Thirty-first Millennium Buffalo Chip and Outhouse Productions.

Announcer's voice: (quiet and creepy) You've heard of Child's Play, You've heard of Chucky, but get ready for the next wave of terror!

Background shows a dark room with a faint light around the door. Theme music from the "Halloween" films plays. The door bursts open to reveal what looks like a humanized Malibu Barbie with a butcher knife. She raises the knife, an evil smirk on her face. At the last moment, she lowers her knife in exasperation.

Killer: I just can't do this! I don't know how to accessorize this dumb knife! What goes with steel? Stilettos? Or pumps?

Camera swings round to show a terrified victim.

Terrified victim: W-What? (Thinks for a second, hoping to buy some time) Uh… St-St-Stilettos?

Killer: Oh, I don't think so. I'm more of a pumps person myself. Anyway, DIE, you fool!

Announcer: Beware the wrath of KILLY, the serial killer with the soul of a Barbie doll!

Cut to another scene: Killy is running around on a beach, trying to catch up with all of the other people who are trying to run away from her.

Killy: But wait! All I wanted was a few pointers on my new swimsuit!

Announcer: Killy, who was just another mild-mannered serial killer, that is, until she was possessed by the soul of a Barbie doll belonging to one of her victims…

Killy: Like, ohmygosh! I killed him! Too bad. He looked really good in swim trunks!

Announcer: Killy, whose cohorts include Giggles, the schizophrenic tickle me Elmo with a taste for blood… (Sounds of maniacal tickle-me-Elmo laughter filter onto the screen) and Mary Jane Haight- Ashbury, the Freak American Girl hippie doll with her own accessory hash pipe and VW bus, and copy of Complete Works of Timothy Leary. (Sounds of John Lennon's "Give Peace a chance" being chanted in a freaky childlike voice drift on)

Announcer: See the movie, buy the merchandise, and help the poor schmucks who wrote this script. Do it now…. OR DIE! (Announcer continues in a fast voice) Merchandise available at all theater locations and Suncoast motion picture company stores.

(From somewhere distant, Killy laughs maniacally. She is joined by Giggles and Mary Jane)

Credits for the film flash onscreen. The TV screen is turned off, and the person watching it gets up. We see only his lower half.

Viewer: Mindless drivel. Who do they think they're fooling? Next time I'm at the mall, I must go to Suncoast and check out those dolls. Until then, I'll just have to make do with going to the theater. Honestly, who'd want to watch that?

END