I stepped backward to look through the window

to see the taxi cab outside the front door.

The rain was falling hard that day

like pocket change on a wooden floor.

I stood there in silence,

unable to move;

should I leave him now,

would I be leaving too soon?

I had wanted this.

I mean I really wanted this;

A passionate romance

from the very first glance;

someone to be happy to come home to;

just someone I could easily love.

It was strained from the beginning

communication was our defect;

But in my mind

I kept convincing myself,

"Give it time, it will work out ,

without question...


Why couldn't he see

who I was,

who I am,

who is me.

I attract with sensuality

and speak with intellect.

I laugh and cry

at the very same time

and love with deep effect.

I am a hopeless searcher of miracles

and wonder;

A lover of life,

The little girl in me needs the entertainment

of dreams;

The woman in me ,

can honestly see,

I would be a good wife.

I stand here in silence

before a closed door;

My suitcase beside me-

The invitation to run

My weak conscience to the offer,

is my indecisive lure.

These lily white fingers

freshly painted

a deep shade of red named, "Amore".

I"m still grasping the doorknob,

gasping now,

for I have stood here too long;

The last remembered breath

long forgotton

buried away,

like the lyrics to an old nostalgic song.

I'm tempting fate for a bargain

because I have been here before;

Different season

Different man

Different time of a distant shore.

Time is so empowered by mischief,

Its strength is its ability to move backward

to a familiar plot;

Had I not have already been broken down

from its inevitability,

I would have never found myself

once again

against this decision

within a doorway,

drowning in this destined spot.

The cab honks its horn outside

and I close my eyes,

paralyzed by this need to decide.

The lines of love

the movement of life

are often tainted and distorted,

like a prisim

of what we really see;

I hang in the balance of its hand

like a ship atop a quiet sea.

Should I stay with the man I love

or should I go to the man

whom I know I do not love,

but without question,

truly loves me.