Brain Day 1
It's pouring brains. Brains. Why brains you ask? I do not know. Maybe some greater being has spelling problems and wrote out brains instead of rains. We shall never know. Anyway you look at it, grey matter that should be encased within a skull is falling from the sky. They are squishy when you step on them, and purple juice squirts out when they are smushed. I wonder, would they make a good smoothie? Or, maybe, if I drank a brain smoothie, would it help me get smart? Interesante, must investigate this.
The brain smoothie was a flop. I am not any smarter. My IQ is still 120. My first brain smoothie tasted horrible, so I remade it with bananas and strawberries and kiwis and lots and lots of chocolate ice cream. Oh, I just remembered. When I remade the smoothie, I forgot to put in the brains.
Ok, the smoothie problem is now fixed. And it still tastes nasty. These brains leech the flavor out of everything. Maybe they are leeches disguised as brains and are planning on taking over the world. Agh! Get away from me you evil things! It's a good thing they went through the blender then before I ate them.
My mother just came in and asked what the hell I'm doing with brains and a blender. I told her it's a science experiment. It is though, right? She looks confused; I think I'll enlighten her. Now she's even more confused. She says that if I'm recording this, then I should say where the brains came from in the first place. I told her that I have already explained that: God messed up when writing the weather, so now we have brain instead of rain. She doesn't buy it. She says that some scientist has had a mental breakdown and done something that involves taking animal brains and sending them up into orbit, except, not all of them made it into space. Apparently some of the capsules broke on the journey up and now the brains are falling.
I ask her why the brains are still falling then. She tells me that the brains are strange. I think she is strange. I bet she made up that story, just to seem smart. Oh, the horror, my own mother lying to me. What shall I do? I shall now run around screaming and pull my hair out. Excuse me.
Ok. I am now done with the hair-pulling-thingamabob that I was just doing. It was quite productive. Everyone should try it sometime, I highly suggest it. Why, you may ask? Why run around like a chicken without a head, screaming your lungs out and pulling your hair out by its roots? For stress relief ma chérie, stress relief. You see, keeping all kinds of stress bottled up inside of you is unhealthy, ask any old person with wrinkles. They will probably say in their creaky old-person voice 'oh, don't keep all of that stress inside you dearie, you got to let it out, or you'll be as wrinkled as me. Hee hee hee. That would look strange. Hee hee hee'. Or something along the lines of that. Cut out the last three sentences.
Anyway, now that you have been enlightened into the wonderful stress relieving aspects of tearing out hair, I shall continue. Let me create a list, so as to save my brain, which is still in my cranium thank you very much, undue stress.
1) Brains are falling from the sky.
2) No one knows why, except for my mom, who thinks she knows why, but really doesn't.
3) They make horrible smoothies and go squish when stepped on.
4) School has been indefinitely canceled until they can figure out if the brains are radioactive or dangerous in any way, shape, or form.
5) All forms of public and private transportation have been prohibited until this so-called "crisis" has passed.
6) No one is supposed to be out of their homes. I have broken this rule, I went out to gather the brains, which is also forbidden (see point number seven)
7) No one is supposed to gather up or touch any of the brains.
8) Police are patrolling the streets, along with the army, making sure we all follow the new rules, never mind that they are breaking them themselves.
9) Scientists and medical personnel are swarming around the brains, examining them and making exclamations of joy and wonder at their 'discoveries'. They are breaking point number seven.
10)There is no point number ten. Maybe there will be later.
This concludes day one of the rain of brains. Abiosa Kobold signing off, over and out.