"Igor! IGOR!" shouted Henry, "Where is my cat? IGOR!"

"Yeth, mathter?"

"My cat, Igor, my fluffy white cat. I can't find her, and... what is that DOG doing here?"

"It'th my dog, mathter. Er... Mathter?"

"Yes, Igor?"

"I'm afraid it ate your cat."

Silence. "It ate my cat?"

"Yeth, mathter."


"You don't really need a cat, though, do you mathter?"

"Of course! I have to have a cat! How can I be an Evil Villain without a cat?"

Igor shrugged.

"You can have my dog if you want her."

"Of all the... Igor, you are fired."

"Yeth, ex-mathter."

Henry watched him with leave with some satisfaction, then turned his not-very-evil gaze on the dog at his feet. It was staring up at him in a dopey but adorable way.

Henry shook himself. he couldn't afford to find things adorable now he was an evil villain.

"Catwoman! CATWOMAN!"

She silently appeared at the door.

"Ah, there you are... now I know this should be Igor's job, but can you go down to the shops in the village and find a new Igor?" he thought for a moment, and then added "And some bleach."

"Yes," he said to the dog, which was now wagging her tail, "I think you might my quite a good replacement cat without those black patches."

"New Igor! NEW IGOR!"

"Yeth, Mathter?"

"There's a spider under my chair. Get it out, will you? Can't abide spiders."

Igor rolled his eyes, "Yeth, Mathter."

"Master! Master!"

"Yes, Catwoman?"

"There's a young man charging up here on a horse! He might be a hero!"

"What... Igor, my cape! Dog, lap! Catwoman, stand by the string which opens the door! Igor, get to the door!"

"But the cape..."

"I'll fetch the cape! Hurry, the Hero's coming!"

A few minutes later, the Hero (whose name isn't very important) burst through the doors to the main hall.


"I am here." Henry stifled a giggle as he stroked the dog. A hero had come to fight him! And he hadn't even done anything!

"What have you done..." the Hero smoothly drew his sword, "With Priscilla?"

"Who?" asked Henry.

"Priscilla. She's a girl from the village. You kidnapped her today."

Henry remained silent. The Hero stepped towards him, then narrowed his eyes.

"You are Doctor P, aren't you? It's very hard to see in this dark hall."

Henry sighed, "No, I'm Doctor Q. Doctor P lives on the other side of the ravine, by the big, dark pine forest. Just follow the mad laughter."

"Oh. Sorry to bother you." said the Hero.

"Oh, don't worry." said Henry, pushing the damn dog of his lap (the white fur was ruining his cape), "This happens all the time. I haven't really done anything evil yet." he sighed, "I'm not very good at this. You seem to be a natural at being a Hero..."

"Well, I may not be one, but I do know a lot about Villains... tell you what, I could come over and give you some tips... say Tuesday?"

"Tuesday, Tuesday..." Henry pulled out a huge black diary. It had been a birthday present from Catwoman, "No, I'm busy Tuesday, me and Doctor O are going to the cinema... how about Wednesday?"

"No, I have to slay a dragon Wednesday... is Thursday ok with you?"

"Thursday's fine. See you!"

"Bye. Next to the pine wood, right?"

"Yep. Can't miss it. Just like my castle, only with one more tower..." called Henry as the Hero marched out, almost knocking over Igor with a tray of evil-looking drinks.

"He left in a hurry."

"Wrong castle. He was looking for Doctor P."

"Oh. Not again." Igor held out the tray and smiled crookedly, "Evil-looking drink, Mathter?"