It was decided, always been decided, before it happened. He could never keep Kyo as his lover.
After his high school graduation here in Japan, he'll be taking up his Bachelor in America. He already talked about it to his parents; the three of them had sat on it and have reasonably agreed to keep it from Kyo, leaving Yuki to find the right time to tell him. That night was supposed to be a good time but after what happened, there seems to be no right time anymore. Instead it made it harder for him.
He took an early cold shower, crying… he never cried this much in his life. He can still hear him, the breathlessness in Kyo's voice, the warm body pressed against him, Kyo's lips that had smothered every part of him, the memory itself. Even now, he felt the carnal response of his body with just the thought of their love-making. He bit on his forearm, ashamed.
"kyo… this is the only right thing I can do for you… as your older brother…." He broke, falling down on his knees, his hands covered his mouth trying to muffle the sounds. He felt weak as the thought of Kyo reiterates on his mind, he wanted to crawl back in bed next to him and snuggle on his arms.
"Kyo…" water flowed together with his tears, though he forced his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling, the tears just wouldn't stop and keep on flowing. He must have stayed in the shower for over an hour, just crying.
He left early, leaving a note for his mother having noticed that everyone else was still asleep, the note simply stated about Kyo having a day off from school and the reason why.
He drove around before he went to school, trying to collect himself, hoping that the swelling from his crying would have swelled down.
It was Friday and day ended up with the usual weekly meeting the student body council always had. A weekly meeting every Friday was scheduled and Yuki being the president was expected to make the final official arrangements for their high school graduation and the upcoming graduation ball. Today would be their last official meeting before he graduate and everyone in the room was emotional, just listening and looking at him.
Although he could see this, his mind could only think of one person and not one of them bothered him. He dutifully commenced and worked perfectly despite what his heart was feeling but he had done this so many times, that making decisions and working comes almost naturally, he felt no pressure in school or from friends, he would have felt nothing at all if not for Kyo.
"As your president, I extend my thanks to everyone. You have all done a great job and the success for this year had been all possible because of your dedication and hard work, I congratulate all of you. I am privileged and proud to be you President. Thank You." he said with a dutiful smile and made a respectable bow. One of the committee leaders unable to keep herself from not crying had finally started to cry. When he heard her, as natural it was for him to be a decision-maker, he came towards her and handed his handkerchief giving a comforting smile. Everyone who saw it agreed that he indeed looked and act like the prince they call him. He was perfection in their eyes.
"We will miss you…Oji-sama…President!" Aya one of the freshmen representatives half-shouted, holding her tears. She was a sophisticated and proud girl, like him she was one of the promising students in school, it was rumored that she might be elected president or run for president in her senior year if everything goes well.
He felt exhausted as he reached the parking lot, a tired sigh escaping from his lips. For a moment he saw Kyo heading for his car. He froze. A childish impulse almost made him pretend not to notice him and turn back but he had remembered what he told himself that morning.
It took everything left to act coolly around Kyo and at the same time endure seeing him hurt, it disgust him as much as he disgust him all for the sake of Kyo.
"Yes, of course." he heard him say, he badly wanted to put his arms around him and tell Kyo how much he means to him but he just can't, ever. It's breaking him more and more, he couldn't tell if he could kept it up any longer. He forced himself to look away and offered Kyo a ride home but he refused it, hurt written all over his face.
Getting inside the car and watching Kyo pedaled back, tore him. He can't go home tonight. It was painful and confusing for the both of them.
He drove away, his knuckles bleeding from punching the wheel….
"Tadaima."… the house was already empty when he arrived, a note on the fridge held only by a small piece of magnetic bar explained the reason why, apparently it was left by his mother. Somehow it gave him some form of slight relief as he welcomes the sudden quietness an empty house offers. He stared down on them, his bruised, swollen knuckles swollen his heart was still pounding so heavily on his chest as Kyo's face played repeatedly on his head. The shocked and those pained expression he saw hurts more than the throbbing on his wounds it felt like someone was violently crushing his chest. It made him clutched his stomach feeling acid rising up to his mouth, tasting vomit he stride light-headedly across the kitchen sink emptying what little contents his stomach had.
"Yuki…?" He did not notice Kyo, so lost was he from himself that he did not notice Kyo coming from the door. He could not answer he could only stare from eyes that was shedding tears.