All the waves of a grave mistake
Crash upon my awareness.
Love knows no bounds,
And one has sinned for it.
Mommy, hold me like you used to?
Tell me again what it is I'm supposed to do?
As cold as it's become,
I remain unaware…
He will be beautiful, won't he?
He'll see with my eyes,
Breath through her nostrils,
Grasp the world with the
Strength of all our generations,
A collection of ancestral specters,
Shrieking that I would be such a fool.
I don't deem myself worthy to catch a wink of sleep,
When there's so much to be done,
When he needs me,
More than any unborn notion ever has.
That's all he really is, a notion –
An ethereal representation
Of everything I've ever ruined
And of everything that's ever been so perfect.
It seems that he is the point,
The point where good and worst collide,
The point to an entire existence,
As the twinkle in his eye
Will one day be that same point, for him.
Forgive me, my son.
Things will never be as good for you as they could have been.
I let them fool me, let them transgress my virtue
Into the pitiful attempt at morality that it has become.
Don't let them fool you;
It's not "love-making,"
There was never love in those sweaty half-hour sessions.
No, it is something else entirely,
And I hope you understand that one day,
One day too soon, never too late.
Never too late for you, my son.
Not for you,
Oh please God, not for you.