"Letting Go"

It's for the best.

I know it,

and you know it.

Though it makes me want to cry.

I don't want to loose you,

don't want to say goodbye.

But deep inside

the reality hits me

like a rock.

I don't want to hurt you.

You're in pain because of me.

My bags are packed.

My bus is waiting.

I am still

so much attached to you,

but if I don't let go

and don't say goodbye

I know

I'll only end up hurting you more.

Seeing you in pain,

only hurts me more,

only hurts me deeper inside.

I care about you too much

to keep doing this to you.

I pick up my bags

and throw them over my shoulder.

You reach out

and wrap your arms around me

in a warm embrace

I can't escape.

I gulp and try desperately

to hold my tears back

as I whisper a quick goodbye in your ear.

Letting you go, I turn

and run out the door.

It slams behind me

just as the first wave of tears

starts to roll down my face.

Getting on the bus

I head for the back

and dump my stuff in an empty seat.

Sitting down,

hard

I cover my face in my hands

and do nothing

but let the tears fall.

I am finally letting you go,

though the pain inside,

already deeper

than I've ever felt pain before,

only continues to deepen

as time passes on.

But I can't hurt you now.

You're safe,

no longer in pain.

You won't miss me.

This I know

cause you'll be better off

without me

and all my insecurities.

The bus begins to move

but I don't look up,

don't even look out the window,

afraid of what I might see:

perhaps you, standing in the door way

watching me leave.

You were always so good to me.

And I,

so rotten to you.

I can't explain why,

don't know why.

I wish I could go back

and change the past.

But I can't.

I can't change the wrongs

that I have done to you,

so I'm doing the next best thing.

I love you,

and that's why I'm gone.