Sometimes I wonder

Why the fuck do I still love you?

After all you've put me through

Still putting me through

I should be hating you by now

I should be

blowing your fucking brains out

Ripping your heart wide open

Like you did mine

Making you go through the hell

I live in everyday; just because of you

Making you fall to your knees

And beg for the forgiveness

You so fucking owe me

But no

How can I do that to you?

How can I make you suffer

The hell

I've reserved for myself

Every time I see you

All these pains fall away

The depression replaced with

Idiotic bumbling happiness

Tongue-tied moments

Weak-kneed feelings

My heart just melts under your smile

Water dousing my fiery hell

Then comes the dreaded aftermath

The depression, the pain,

The heartache, the hell

Why don't I just forget you?

Why don't I just move on?

Try as I might

I never will

Because I want to stay in this pain

Live in this hell

If it means feeling

Even for the briefest of moments

The heaven

Whenever you are near

A/N: I was just so pissed with myself one day… Im going thru all this just for you dammit… and I blame myself for it coz you have no idea… and I don't want to move on coz… Im stupid… yeah…