I wanted to say you betrayed me

But I'm not quite sure I can

Can you

Betray someone


You don't even know what you're doing


When you don't even know

Why they

Can't stand to hear those words you spoke

Running out of words to say


There are

So many things I want to say

And the words haven't flowed like this


Quite some time now

I suppose you

Have always sparked something in me

I never thought was there

But I never quite wanted to believe it

Because I knew I'd

Always be second best


Not quite

But backup friend

Sounds so


And I can not acknowledge that

Or was I?

Because I was just

Never quite sure

Where I stood

Always running off to see someone else

Telling me I was

A bitch

When I was sick?

Well I'm always sick

But I suppose you never

Knew about that

It's a part of me

You just won't see

And even when I know I am

I want to hide inside myself

Until those words have been said

And if I knew

What had been coming

I would've locked myself away

Shut my ears

Closed my eyes

And never come out of my shell

But I never knew and I was



From the truth

Lying on a hospital bed


Sterile sheets

With someone else's blood running through my veins

Hooked up

Unable to

Walk for myself

Talk for myself

But I was always able to think for myself

And I wonder

Can I?

Because I just

Felt so trapped

I wanted to scream


Breathe in

Breathe out

Just make it through the night

And you've got another day to face

Sitting with you

Lying in my lap

And I thought


Maybe everything will be ok

And I feel your hands


Giving life to a



Broken body

Cracked smile painted upon my face

Worn from

Years and years of use

And I wonder when it will

Just disappear

And perhaps the reason

I felt everything will be okay

Is because you remind me

Of the one person

I ever loved

The one person

Who I can never have again

But the one person who

Stuck by me in life and

I still love in death

And I was wrong about you

I thought you were


Wouldn't make his

Same mistakes

And I hope there's still time

I hope there's still


For you to be

Everything I thought you were

But I start to question my thoughts

My feelings

My beliefs

Can't trust a heart that has been

Stepped on

Can't trust a mind


Doesn't trust the body it lives in

So I put on a smile for you

And I pray

As I cry

That though you're not here

These tears will make you see

How much you mean

To someone as proud

As lowly

As I

You can

Get high and

Forget this moment

Forget all these moments

And everything I've ever said to you

You can

Get high and

I can walk away

And you can

Impress all your friends

All the ones who

I guess love you more than

I ever could

And I'm sorry


I tried to show you what you meant to me

But I was never

Quite as good as that

As I should be

So I sit in silence

For hours

Wondering just

What I'll say

When I finally get the courage

To speak up

When you

Lie in my lap

And I close my eyes

And think of all the things that

Should've been

And I close my eyes

And I'll say

Everything is going to be

All right

And you think of

Your next joint

I'll remember what illusion felt like

And for the first time

In a long time

I'll remember




Buried deep within me

But for the first time

In a long time