I wanted to say you betrayed me
But I'm not quite sure I can
Can you
Betray someone
When
You don't even know what you're doing
And
When you don't even know
Why they
Can't stand to hear those words you spoke
Running out of words to say
Because
There are
So many things I want to say
And the words haven't flowed like this
For
Quite some time now
I suppose you
Have always sparked something in me
I never thought was there
But I never quite wanted to believe it
Because I knew I'd
Always be second best
Well
Not quite
But backup friend
Sounds so
Droll
And I can not acknowledge that
Or was I?
Because I was just
Never quite sure
Where I stood
Always running off to see someone else
Telling me I was
A bitch
When I was sick?
Well I'm always sick
But I suppose you never
Knew about that
It's a part of me
You just won't see
And even when I know I am
I want to hide inside myself
Until those words have been said
And if I knew
What had been coming
I would've locked myself away
Shut my ears
Closed my eyes
And never come out of my shell
But I never knew and I was
Unprotected
Unguarded
From the truth
Lying on a hospital bed
On
Sterile sheets
With someone else's blood running through my veins
Hooked up
Unable to
Walk for myself
Talk for myself
But I was always able to think for myself
And I wonder
Can I?
Because I just
Felt so trapped
I wanted to scream
But
Breathe in
Breathe out
Just make it through the night
And you've got another day to face
Sitting with you
Lying in my lap
And I thought
God
Maybe everything will be ok
And I feel your hands
Warm
Giving life to a
Pale
Frail
Broken body
Cracked smile painted upon my face
Worn from
Years and years of use
And I wonder when it will
Just disappear
And perhaps the reason
I felt everything will be okay
Is because you remind me
Of the one person
I ever loved
The one person
Who I can never have again
But the one person who
Stuck by me in life and
I still love in death
And I was wrong about you
I thought you were
Different
Wouldn't make his
Same mistakes
And I hope there's still time
I hope there's still
Hope
For you to be
Everything I thought you were
But I start to question my thoughts
My feelings
My beliefs
Can't trust a heart that has been
Stepped on
Can't trust a mind
That
Doesn't trust the body it lives in
So I put on a smile for you
And I pray
As I cry
That though you're not here
These tears will make you see
How much you mean
To someone as proud
As lowly
As I
You can
Get high and
Forget this moment
Forget all these moments
And everything I've ever said to you
You can
Get high and
I can walk away
And you can
Impress all your friends
All the ones who
I guess love you more than
I ever could
And I'm sorry
Because
I tried to show you what you meant to me
But I was never
Quite as good as that
As I should be
So I sit in silence
For hours
Wondering just
What I'll say
When I finally get the courage
To speak up
When you
Lie in my lap
And I close my eyes
And think of all the things that
Should've been
And I close my eyes
And I'll say
Everything is going to be
All right
And you think of
Your next joint
I'll remember what illusion felt like
And for the first time
In a long time
I'll remember
Happiness
Artificial
Unspoken
Buried deep within me
But for the first time
In a long time
happiness