Episode 1

In a living room, in a house, somewhere.

A man, BRIAN, is reading the paper on a sofa, drinking a mug of tea. His son, DAN, is sitting watching the TV. There are magazines all over the floor, and no cushions on the other sofa because Dan is lying on them. There are occasional bangs from above the ceiling, and the continuous thudding of music.

D: Turn it up, will ya?

B: Disinterested, without looking up It's too loud anyway, you'll go deaf. I never used to listen to the TV loud when I was your age. Turns the page of his paper with a loud rustle

Silence for a moment, then Brian turns the page again, and Dan turns round, scowling. Without Brian seeing, Dan steals the remote and crawls back to his place. He mutes the sound.

B: Ah, much better. I can finally read this paper without Zippy-Doo or Dippy-Boo or Lippy-Loo or whatever his name is constantly rabbiting on.

Suddenly, a huge wall of noise bursts out of the TV set. Dan has muted the TV, turned the volume up full, and then unmuted it. Brian jumps, leaps off the sofa.

B: Yells Turn that bloody racket off NOW!

Enter JAMES, the elder son, who is 17, in a rush.

J: What's going on in here?

D: Dad's yelling at me, and swearing!

B: Yells Shut up! Grabs the remote, and mutes the TV I'm trying to read my paper, and Dan won't keep the bloody TV down.

D: I can't, I can't hear.

B: Incredulously What do you mean, you can't? It's an electrical device, not a lion. It does what you tell it. A lion, or any other dangerous creature, would chew up your hand – and the remote - rather than take orders from a small, factory-produced piece of plastic.

D: Timidly I thought you said lions didn't exist…

B: Snaps That's dragons, unicorns, vampires and the abominable snowman.

J: The abominable snowman does exist!

B: Pauses James, how old are you?

J: I'm seventeen, and it was my birthday last week.

B: Of course it was. No, my son, the abominable snowman does not, has never, and has no intention of ever existing.

J: Who are you, his lawyer?

B: No. His lawyer would add, my client is unavailable for comment due to being snowed in. Brian is the only one who laughs

J: Anyway, point being, have you seen my sharpener?

D: Nah.

B: Ask your mother.

J: Fine, bye! Exits. Brian goes back to reading his paper, Dan goes back to watching TV

Silence for a moment

D: Turn it up, will ya?