Dedicated to my friend Derek, who understood a part of me no one else gets. For helping me, even though you may not be sure just how. Thanks.
I grab a blade.
My last one.
This will be my last time,
I promised you.
I slice the silver bar across the gate.
The gate that will lead me to the place I long to be.
The place where pain doesn't exist.
A place of empty faces,
And clean wrists.
But for now I need to cut.
At least one last time.
But you know that this is only a well-worded lie.
So, a few days later,
You call to see if I've held my word,
But you call only to find,
I'm back under my small silver sword.
No one else knows how to help me,
And I find myself forever getting lost.
Until now I am surrounded in darkness.
No light is there to be seen.
And it is in this endless darkness,
That I have become so keen.
The black endless pit shows no mercy.
Forever swirling downward,
Never rising up.
All hope is lost within me.
I believe this is what I shall be forever.
A lost soul swimming in a sea of darkness.
A Sea of Self-Loathing.
Pure hatred for anything or anyone else,
Because they never can understand me.
Yet, a sudden burst of golden light
fills my vision so clear.
I see a heavenly figure,
It reaches down one hand,
Reaching out to save me.
I quickly grasp hold, afraid of again losing hope.
I find myself being pulled out of the darkness,
by this angel surely sent from above.
When I've reached again solid ground,
I turn to see my saviour.
The angel turns,
And I find more to my surprise.
I see I always had the angel.
Even if you were in disguise.
I now see that someone cares.
Someone understands me.
This is what I truly need.
I wrote this to thank you, Derek,
For everything you have so far done.
Taking me out of my darkness,
And showing me The Son.
Okay, not my best work, but, it is so true. I really did find an angel. A long-lost one at that. I hadn't seen him in forever, and suddenly...he's back. He understands everything I went through and I really appreciate that. Thanks, Derek. (And I will probably write you a much better poem when it isn't midnight. lol.)