Confess, I'm just messed up,
Dropping 'I'm sorrys' like you're still around
…Hey kid you'll never live this down….
And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances,"
A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me, Fall Out Boy
A Little More Touch Me
"Get the door!" a mumbled voice called. There was the sound of loud, echoing footsteps coming towards him, and the door swung open to reveal a young man about Jay's own age, slightly taller than he was, with ruffled tawny brown hair and an exasperated look on his face.
He took in James' dark jeans, button down shirt, and white Sketchers quickly before stating simply, though irritation was plain in his voice, "Look, whatever you're selling, we aren't interested."
The door began to shut in his face, but Jay swiftly put out his arm to stop it, realizing that such a thing was quite rude, but not really caring. Obviously, the guy on the other side thought it offensive, also, as brown eyes flared with anger.
Rapidly, Jay said, "I'm not trying to sell anything. I'm actually here to see Dominic Lanes. His mother gave me the address."
The other nodded in understanding, giving off a slight smile. "Sorry about that. We just get a lot of people trying to sell us shit," explained apologetically, swinging the door open once more. "Why don't you come in?" he led the way down a short hall to the living room and, gesturing to the tan couch, ordered, "Sit down while I go fetch Dominic."
Jay ignored the command, and instead walked over to look through the window and onto the street below.
"Hey, Dom, there's someone here to see you. We're you expecting anyone different?" he heard the voice of the man who had greeted him ask. There was a mumbled reply, then, "No, I didn't ask his name. He's about your height, dark auburn hair about to his shoulder and grey eyes."
"What?" Dom questioned sharply. There was a pause. "Kick him out," he demanded.
Amusement filled the other voice. "No. You do it, if you really want him gone." There was the sound of grumbling, the door swung open, and two sets of feet were heard coming down the hall.
Jay continued to face the window, his nervousness beginning to get the better of him. There was a slight sigh behind him, and James knew it was because Dom was now positive of whom this unwanted guest was, and thus knew Jay wouldn't leave until he had gotten what he had come for.
Slowly, Jay turned on his heel to face his longtime friend. He did, however, stay near the wall in an attempt to make the other more comfortable. If such a thing were possible. With what had happened, he wasn't sure why Dom actually was okay with being in the same room with him.
"What are you doing here?" his best friend's voice questioned, no emotion penetrating it at all.
He felt a pang in his heart as he realized for the first time just how much he had missed the other. Just how much he needed Dom in his life.
The two had been best friends since kindergarten. They had met on the first day and bonded over the horrifying experience of being chased around by an icky, cootie-covered, GIRL. Funny that, after all this time, girls continued to chase them. What was even funnier was the fact that, after all these years, he had never noticed how adverse his friend remained to said girls' advances.
He realized suddenly that Dom, waiting for an answer, was beginning to grow impatient. Or so he believed, after years of knowing him. Usually, he was right on the money in regards to his friend's emotions, and was sure it was true for this time, also.
Sighing, he replied. "I don't want us to be fighting anymore."
The other rolled hooded eyes and responded, voice hollow, "We aren't fighting. We'd have to be speaking to one another to do so." The last part was said rather bitterly, and James felt like the worst person, lowest life form, alive at that moment. He knew he had hurt Dom, crushed him more likely, in his rejection. He just had tried to avoid thinking on how much. But then, seeing him face to face like this, hearing him talk, it was evident.
Again there was a pause, before he burst out with, "I don't want you to hate me any longer!"
The raven-haired man looked at him sadly. "I don't hate you, Jay. I never have. Actually, I thought that was the point." He then proceeded to turn his back, his shoulders slumped in defeat.
James, about to reach out to touch the other, stayed his hand. He knew that Dom would flinch from his touch, and didn't want to feel the pain that was sure to come when he did so.
"Dom…" awkward silence filled the room once more. He cleared his throat, ready to begin what he had been…well, one of the many speeches he had prepared in his head over their months apart. None seemed right, however. Instead, he began slowly, voice full of emotion, "I'm sorry. I was an ass. It was a horrible thing to do to you, and I would understand completely if you never spoke to me again, never forgave me. But…well, I hate not being able to hang out with you, not seeing you every day, and not being able to just sit down and talk, about anything, about everything. I hate this, so much!" he ended passionately, spinning around and slamming his fist against the window, making both start at the noise.
The auburn haired man spoke quietly again, voice emitting all of his pain. I want us to be best friends again."
"Yeah, well, you were the one that ruined it, genius. I didn't cause your reaction; you didn't have to be such a dick. You made the choice yourself, and then even later, when I attempted to apologize to you, you blew me off, acted like I wasn't even worth…" he choked here, then continued in firmly, "like I wasn't even worth your notice, like I was beneath you, for God's sake!"
Jay's shoulders sagged. "I'm sorry! Don't you understand? I hate myself for what I did to you, for how I reacted! I was afraid; I was afraid that everything between us would change with your confession, and I didn't want it to. I tried to cling on to what we had before with tooth and nail, but with what you said, I just couldn't do it. Everything would change because of it, God damn it all, and I know it wasn't your fault now, but at the time, I thought your blasted confession had taken away my best friend!"
"Well you could have bloody well told me that! I trusted you enough to tell you that I'm gay, that I was in love with you!" The past tense used there made Jay's heart ache, but he ignored it in favor of focusing on what was in front of him now. He had to fix this. "You could have trusted me enough to know that I would never purposefully make you uncomfortable with it, that I would never pressure you into being anything other than what you were uncomfortable with. Hell, if you would have come to me, I would have told you that you would always be my best friend, no matter what!" Dom yelled back, just as frantically, his chest heaving from exertion. He then added quietly, painfully, to the end, "Instead, you pushed me away, like everything we had been before meant nothing to you."
Jay bowed his head. "I know. What I did was unforgivable. I realize it; I've been beating myself up about it for months. I want you back, 'Nic. You're my best friend, and I really don't see myself without you, to tell you the truth. Nothing is the same, not anymore. Despite how much I desperately wanted to reject any change that might occur, the one that happened instead was so much worse. Please, forgive me. I miss you so God-damned much." The last was said in a desperate, beseeching voice, and then he went silent, swallowing back any other such pleadings.
The silence that was so uncomfortable. How he hated that silence. It felt as if it would eat away at his very soul, and he could almost feel the moments slowly ticking by. Jay witched from foot to foot, silently waiting for a reaction, watching Dom's warm, thoughtful eyes nervously. The fire that had filled them before, as they were arguing, had calmed, and now James didn't know what to expect. How would he react? Would he readily accept James' return to his life, or would he have to force his way back in? Because, either way, he was going to be back in, and Dom would simply have to deal with it.
Finally, the slightly younger boy stuck his hand out, a smile, slight, but still there, on his face. A smile full of promise. Jay looked at the hand, slightly callused, the hand of the writer. It summed up everything Dom was in a glance, and he glanced warily at it, wondering if it was to be retracted at any moment by the uncertain owner. After several seconds, he reached out and grabbed it. The first touch sent a shock through him, but he ignored it, knowing that this was not the time, as he pulled Dom into a tight hug, his chin resting on his best friend's shoulder. Jay felt tears well in his eyes as he realized again how much he had missed this.
"Oh, god, I missed you," Dom finally spoke, his voice choked. James noted with amusement that they were both in the same situation. He was sure that the other had tears filling his gaze, but wouldn't admit it. Well, wouldn't admit it to anyone but the other. They were close like that, always telling each other everything. That was why it had come as such as a surprise last year, when Dom had-
His train of thought was interrupted by a loud knock at the door, and Dom cursed.
Jay looked up at him, an amused smile on his face. "My, my, Nicky. What would my mother say if she heard you uttering things like that?" His friend kept a straight face only long enough to reply, "Hmm…good thing she's not here then, huh?" They both laughed. It was a joke shared between the two for years, always the same line. It felt good, Jay realized with a smile, this normality, and the rightness of the situation. He felt, finally, as if everything was back to how it was supposed to be.
"Hey, Chris, get the door!" Dom yelled upon realizing that it had yet to be answered. There was an incoherent grumble and the pattering of feet, followed by the squeak of the door. "Good god, what took you two so long?" the person demanded. Dom rolled his eyes. "Sorry, but we have company tonight-Friday night movies and everything. Would you like to join us?"
Jay glanced at his watch, wanting to curse. They had finally reconciled, and he had to leave. Fuck. He hated traffic; from Los Angeles, it had taken almost four hours to get up here. Thanks to roadwork, however, it had taken nearly seven. If he wanted to return tonight, as he was expected to, he needed to be on his way now if he wanted to get back by eleven.
About to answer the negative, Dom interrupted. "I know how long the drive is, back home, so maybe you could stay the night or something?" he said it so hopefully, Jay knew he'd never be able to deny him, even if he wanted to. "You can sleep in the office, and you've always been able to fit into my spare clothes, even if it was a little snugly."
James nodded readily in agreement. "Sure, that'll be great! Just like old times." Both smiled slightly, reminiscing about said "old times." Times when they would hide themselves up in their tree house and spend all night talking and listening to music, playing games. Just simply being around each other. Long ago, before things like girls and sexuality began to interfere in their lives.
A group suddenly trooped into the room, interrupting their reverie. Dom's roommate, whom he assumed was named Chris, led the way, followed by two women and another guy. They all easily sat down on the long couch, the man throwing down two boxes of pizza onto the table as he did. "New boyfriend?" one of the women questioned cheekily, a smile lighting her face.
Jay blushed a bit and inwardly thought bitterly to himself, "Maybe, if I hadn't wrecked everything, all those months ago." Dom simply rolled his eyes. "Honestly, have you no tact? And no, this isn't a 'new boyfriend'." The man opposite of her, whom had stiffened when the question was thrown out, relaxed against the pillows once more, and Jay attempted to suppress a glare, knowing he'd most likely get an elbow from Dom.
"Well, anyway, before we start the movie, lets get the introductions out of the way. Everyone, this is my best friend, James Filer." They nodded their head and smiled, welcoming him to their group. "Jamie," he grinned at his friend, who smiled softly in return upon hearing the nickname Dom had specifically for him. Dom was the only one allowed to use it, just as he was the only one allowed to refer to his friend as Nicky. It was something they had always done, and he didn't want anyone else stepping in on their tradition. "This is Chris, my roommate, then his girlfriend Kourtney," he pointed to the redheaded girl that had first asked the 'boyfriend' question. James smiled. "Then beside her is Jessie, and next is Doug." Jessie had short blond hair cut in a stylish bob. She was short, much shorter than the rest of them, with light skin and bright, flashing eyes. She grinned at him happily. Doug was dark skinned with jet-black hair. He looked Mexican, Jay thought, with his olive complexion and dark eyes. Not bad looking, really. But he was, or so James guessed from the way he continued to eye his Nicky, competition. "Nice to meet all of you," he said finally with a smile. "I apologize if I have to ask for your names again; I have a horrible memory." Dom snorted beside him, probably recalling the time he had told his girlfriend the same line, after calling her Lisa several times; her name, she had screamed, was Linda, and if he couldn't even remember that much, she wasn't sure if this relationship would work. It was quite hilarious, and he had laughed wildly at the situation-only to have her cherry cola dumped onto his head. Which just sent Dom into gales of laughter, of course.
He winked at the other man, and they both laughed lightly, getting them odd looks from the group on the couch. One burned with jealousy, and Jay smiled. He'd only met the man moments ago, and already he was jealous. He took that to mean he was off to a good start. Or so he hoped.
He took a seat next to the couch, legs pressing against those of Dom's, and wondered how much could happen in the course of a weekend. He ignored the movie in favor of day dreaming on what the next days would be like, and enjoying the feel of being so close to Dom. He only hoped that the weekend was as fun filled as his little fantasies were.
Okay, so what does everyone think so far? I had never originally planned for this to be it's own story; it was actually supposed to be part of another, much longer one, starting out in their senior year and going to the big fall out of the two friends. I'll probably go back and do a prequel when I get further along in the story, but you'll be finding out what happened anyway soon enough!
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed, and PLEASE review!
Disclaimer: The clip from the song above belongs to Fall Out Boy. I (unfortunately) may lay no claim. Neither do I own Sketchers.