Symptoms of Depression

Is it this all consuming sadness and my failed attempts to flee,

Or the constant tearfulness which now defines my being.

Crying my own pool in which to drowned,

This insidious sadness from which I can't escape.

The black I have always worn now brands my soul,

Crying out in hopes that one day it might all go away.

Every day I fight the hopelessness the threatens to overwhelm,

But I feel that a life like this may not be worth living.

Never changing situations and repeated arguments,

Not much seems fun anymore once sun has set.

Persistent boredom for which there is no respite,

What motivation can be found in a life like this.

A drop in grades written off as me being lazy,

Loss of concentration is to be expected from one like me.

I live in isolation from the world which surrounds,

Avoiding those I love afraid I will hurt them once more,

Trapped alone in my mind incapable of breaking out,

A forever low self esteem expires under the pressure.

Gnawed at by a guilt tied to everything I am,

A proficient failure unable to achieve success,

Never being good enough to make them happy,

Used to the rejection I have now come to expect,

I am unworthy of the friendships I took for granted.

Did you notice that I have stopped calling,

I wanted to stop myself hurting those dear to me.

This emotional turmoil I feel transmuted to physical anguish,

Daily fainting fits have come to be the status quo.

I lost the ability to focus on the conversation I'm loosing the ability to care,

The foods I once loved have begun to lose their appeal.

I become another victim of insomnia as the escape of sleep eludes me.

There were days I once dreamed of running away,

Thoughts turn now from home to life.

As I spend my nights contemplating suicide,

Remembering promises made to friends who have forgotten,

Wondering silently, is this what it means to be depressed?