By: Joey A. Jr.

" Shit, That Light Is Beaming the fuck out me ". I Thought. That Clock was Just hittin 11:59 on the dot. I was Awoken By My Surrounded Purple Haze and It was a New day for a Thug In The West Ghetto Of The Broken down Side Of Chicago. As I got Up To put on My White-Tee, Baggy Swuave Ripped Jeans and my Adidas Slides , I could Already hear my Old girl Fussin out another one of her Baby-Daddies For some Child support Money. I ain't really give of fuck, He wasn't my old man, my Old man was Locked up anyway, And I was getting my Green a whole Other way and Sho ain't have to fuss no nigga out over It. As I came Down the hall , As Usual I saw Mom's Gettin What she wanted From that Lazy ass Excuse of a Real Nigga Tryin to Support His Lil Shorties.His Name was Tyrone, But People On the streets called him Playa-T. I was Like fuck that shit, I'm go call his ass whatever The fuck I want to. I had Knew this nigga since I was a Little shorty myself and Knowin my Old man was'nt around, This Fool ain't never Try to Bond with me or at least be ah Role model for ah young nigga. I Know He wasn't my Father, but damn, If you Go be Grumbin Out my Old'girl's Kitchen like ah daily routine, Shoulda at least Tried to Build some kind or relationship With her son.

Now As I grew up, This Fool All of sudden wanna show a Young nigga some love, I was like It's too late for that Bonding shit, The only Bonding I got Is my Weed , Money and my Hoes. You See I was a YoungThug Alright, But Even though My old'girl Was ah Crack Addict, She always Taught my ass to respect the grown folks Of my time, So I was Well a Disopline Young Thug All Day, Everyday. " Leon, Loan Me ah Twenty..hunny ".My old'girl Said, Desperately. " Damn, Momma, I just gave you Money yesterday before I went to work, What you did with that ". I Threw Back at her. " What you think, Leon. I spunt that... ".She said. " On what ? ".I questioned Her beggin Ass. " I had to buy Ju-Ju and K'Ron some Lunch yesterday, We had stopped by Mickey-D's, Now Stop Asking your Momma all these Foolish Questions and Let me hold It, I'll give It back to you Later this week ".she Begged. " Whatever Momma ".I Said, Nodded my head with Disapointment of her Louzy Beggin. So As I pulled out My stash, I took ah twenty out and I could see her Blood-shot Eyes becoming Wider In desperation for that Twenty. " Thankyou, baby..., Momma love you, I promise I'll pay you back By Next week, Seeya later, I gotta make a quick Run ".She said In ah hurry to go somewhere quickly. " Her lyin Ass ". I thought. I knew She ain't really Need that money and she Lyed again about feedin my two young brother's some Lunch, Because I was the one who took them out yesterday for lunch To burger King. And The thing was, I knew the truth that All she wanted that money for to get her Daily Dose of Heroin.

You See all my life my mother has always promised me things, but the thing Is Every promise she Agreed to was always broken, She could never keep ah promise, But always Acted as If she could. I knew my Old'girl was Dyin and there was really nothin I could do, She was basically at the gutta of her Addiction and Soon would Kill herself with that Heroin and Needle procedure, So I knew she only had a little Bit time to enjoy life, So I was like, Just let her Live to the greatest Expectation for the time she has Left.

It Was now, Around 12: 30'Ish and My Hommie, Zane was Outside With his Dark Blue Mini-Cooper of ah car, I could'nt Judge His ass at all, First of all I ain't have No ride that belonged to me, The metro bus was my Daily Ride. Zane wasn't no ordinary Thug, You see Zane was ah Rich boy With Intentions to become ah Big shot Lawyer, I always thought this fool was crazy, Come on think about It, A thug who wants to be a Lawyer, That sounded Funny as Fuck to me, But Again His family Had ah Fat ass Crib, His Old'man was ah Plastic Surgeon, Need I say more, You know His family had ah Big ass Bank account. I Always wondered how Zane became a Thug Ass Nigga. His Old'man was One of those Preppy Type Black Dudes and His Old'girl Was like a Black Barbie Doll. He had no Siblings, Which I thought He was one lucky ass Nigga, Not having to deal with some bad ass Little Brothers or sisters. I kinda always Envied Zane's Forutune, I ain't never Live In ah house, I stayed Up In that Crack-Whole of An apartment. It was a Two room Apartment With no Damn Air-Condition, Roaches CrawLin Everywhere In the damn Place and Fist Fights On every Floor In the Building and Sometimes For ah Thug, I felt Scarred Cause There had been nearly 8 Kiilings This past year In our Apartment Building, But We ain't never had the money to move out that place and My old'girl Ain't never Tried to either.

So My Envy for Zane's Life was an Fantasy I knew I could never have, But I grew over that Shit and Since Five years, Me and Zane were the Best of Hommies ever Since, I Always said A real thug Could never have a Bestfriend, But fuck It, Me and Zane were the realist of hommies There was and He was like a Real Blood Brother to me. " What's up Leon, My nigga.. I tried to call yo ass..Last night ".said Zane. " Oh, My Cell got Disconnected, Could'nt pay the Bill ". I replied. " Damn, Fool, You sure You don't want me to Buy you ah phone, My nigga ".he Affirmed. " Hell yeah, I'm sure, I'll get another one when I can Pay the Bill ".I Confirmed. " Whatever, My nigga ".he Agreed. You See Zane had always tried to buy shit for me, But It wasn't goin down like that, I had always wanted to be a Independant Thug and Do all my shit on my own, Even If Hustlin came Into the gallery of my Life. You would Think Zane would've tried to call my Home phone, But again, Broke was my famliy middle name, We Ain't have ah phone Since my Old'man got locked up In 99, So Shit was hard for me to comminicate without talkin to your ass face to face, Unless I had my Cell phone which was Now disconnected, My momma didn't even have ah phone, So you knew we were Poor.

The One thing I could entertain myself In that house was our One Portable T.V set we had in the Living room which was old as fuck, I mean It was my Grandmother's T.V before she passed away Ten years ago, and It was old when she Had It, Did I mention It was'nt a color T.v, Yep Black and white and No cable, So It was U.P.N and W.B all night Long In that Living room. " Nigga, You writing In that damn Book of your's again, What you be writtin up In there, Cuz. You done got addicted to that Diary shit ".said Zane. " Shut yo ass up, fool. And for the Upteenth time, This ain't no damn diary, My nigga, It's ah Journal, Just Incase shit Happens, my nigga ".I Explained. " Whatever, Cuz. You really Addicted to that damn Journal of your's ".He reponded, Laughing. " Nigga, Just hurry up and get us to work, On time, I don't wanna hear Mr. Garry Fussin us out like last time ".I said As He drove. Well When I said I get my green a whole other way, This was one of the ways, Well me and Zane worked for ah Dude name Garry, he preferred.

Now was Our Boss, And ah Tough Mothafucka Who ain't have no Kind of passion for nobody, He was a one time Deal making Nigga, Once you fucked up, That was your last and only time with him ever and It was easy to fuck up with . We had been working for since we were like eleven, So we knew this man pretty fucken well, So we kinda knew how he operated with his patients and what kind of medicine he had stored In his Warehouse He owned. Me and Zane were now Almost turning 17, So would get even harder on us and Give us Harder missions to Deliver and trust me, As an experienced Worker, It started off hard and It wasn't getting any easier, But the good thing about the whole Job, Is that Our pay was really good, I mean We could buy us our own Apartment within a month and still pay the bills alone, But This money wasn't for the nice life now, Yeah I was ah thug, but a thug with future Intention to do something with my Life, I was saving money for college, My Old'girl was'nt even thinking about my Future Plans and Didn't have no money saved up for none of her children, But I was ah Smart young nigga Doing what I had to do, To Invest In my goals for my future, I didn't wanna become like my Old'girl and Sho didn't wanna Gain my father's life Being On Death-row without Parole. People think because I'm a Thug, A black Ghettto Livin Thug that I'll grow up With no Life Intentions Of the Essence of Luxury In life. You see, I didn't really choose to be a thug because I wanted to, but Because It's how this World works, You assume that a Black child that grows up In a Dirty And Slimy Ghetto with a Crack-addict as a mother and a Murderer as a father that Willingly that Child will Have a path Of Destruction of a Horrible life, But No, My Life Is on a different path, I might be a Thug, But I'm an Intelligent, Wise and Ambitious Thug That Will accomplish things That an Ordinary thug will never Intend to do In his Life. Oh yeah about my Job, Me and Zane our Drug-Dealers A.K.A Street-Pharmacist's.

All My Life I have Been the Victim Of Prejudice Because I'm a Black Thug With a Deplorable Family Repuatation, But I was told that Some of the best Intentioned People Have succeed A Luxurious and Nice Life with Doing one thing that Inspired them...Writing There everyday Life, At first It sounded Corny as Fuck, But To me Life Is corny as fuck and I plan on being on of those Intentioned, Successful People, So Since the age Of 11, I Started Writing My everyday Life, I would Write Goals That I planned to Achieve and Plans I wanted to Lead, My mother Thought I was a Stupid Child to write such things she knew would never come true. She would Always say when I was younger " Leon, stop writing Fantasies and Come to reality...Hunny ". And At times I believed her Cause At that time, Those Writing Entries were Fantasies ,But I thought So what, At least I have a Chance to Write My Fantasies and Just dream. All my Home-Boys thought I was like ah Sissy and Even though I told them It was a Journal, They always Called It my Diary. Till Today at the age Of 16, I still Write my so called Fantasies and Sometimes I do think that I'm waisting my time Writing some of that shit that I know won't come true, But Fuck It, I'm not ah Ordinary thug, I got Plans, And I wanna Live a Nice life one day and If Writing in my Diary Is something that can Emancipate me from this Life I'm currently Living , Then That Makes me feel Like I'm starting my Nice Life. Yes I'm Ah Thug, Ah Thug With ah Diary.