Me, Myself and… I

And just like that, she was gone. Just as quickly as a light bulb switched off, girlfriend number eight was one of sight... maybe out of mind by lunchtime. Well, it was nearly lunchtime, so leave it until about two in the afternoon.

While sitting at my black marble table in my kitchen, I ate porridge, trying to piece together this puzzle. I had the house, I had the money, the cars, what more could a girl want?

Running one of my hands through my hair, I sighed, I hadn't even really liked Tina. Or, was I Abbey? Maybe Jenn- No... no, I'm sure it was Tina, oh well, she was gone and that meant the normal thing would happen: I'd be depressed for a few hours. Shocked and upset that this girl had left me to be depressed by myself, I sighed, "She couldn't even wait for the maid to get here."

After taking in a deep breath and had considered my options, I chose... "Might as well get this over with." I told myself and added three more spoonfuls of sugar to my porridge. "I think I'll start by going shopping." I told myself. "I could do with another pair of shoes."

That was it, soon after eating, I grabbed the car keys to my Mercedes. I didn't like this car at all, I did when I first got it, but then got bored after the first three weeks… about four weeks ago. It was nearly time for a change. Pulling the black sheet from the silver Mercedes, I got in and the garage door opened automatically after pressing a button that was on a control that I'd left in the seat.

After a short drive, listening to the one and only Kylie on my CD, I parked and left the car. Walking along the high street, I paused to look over at Sadie, talking, of course. She was a hairdresser… all she done was talk. A large shaped woman she was… dressed in a pink skirt to her knees and white, short sleeved shirt, she looked like someone that had struck a deal in a charity shop. My eyes feel to her cowboy boots and I cringed. Sadie could have been the perfect twenty year old… if she just woke up the thin person on the inside… maybe even gave the 'style' part of her mind a kick up the arse.

I stood in the middle of the high street, hands on hips, just watching this woman talk, and talk and talk to whom ever on the phone. At least the person wasn't standing before her, or they might have found their ear had fallen off.

Giving out a long sigh, I heard her say the word: cake. No, this wasn't going down on my watch, walking behind her, I took her phone from her and spoke into it, "I'm sorry, but Sadie has better things to do than spend money talking to someone about cake." I said and closed her flip phone, giving Sadie a sideways smile.

However, Sadie returned my cute smile with a glare and snatched her phone back. "You are so rude." she started. "I was ordering a birthday cake for my son."

"A kid doesn't need a cake for their birthday, they need things like DVD's… x-box's and trips to Disneyland." I pointed out.

"Maybe kids that have parents with money, James. Maybe you'll find out what it's like to work one day and have to earn money."

"Don't be cruel…" I said, but gave another smile. "I don't think my mums cooking show will go down the sink. And, I do work."

"No, you turn up and eat what your mum has made, smile at the camera and say 'Good show, mum. This is another cracking meal!'." she mocked and put her phone in her handbag.

"Ah, come on, old people love the 'cracking meal' part I say, I swear that's why half of them turn up."

"No, James, you said it once at Easter when your mum had her Easter special on… it's becoming an old joke."

"I'll make a new one then." I said and smiled. Glancing down the road, I ran my fingers through my hair. "When are you working today?" I asked.

"I was just going back now, why?"

"I need a hair cut, Tina's left me."

"Tina? Your last girlfriend was Jenny." she said and shook her head. "So… you're out treating yourself?" she asked and I nodded. She knew how bad things got for me when a girlfriend left. I had known her since school, I used to pay the bullies to leave her alone. "Well… if you must, come on, I'll fit you in." she said and the two of us walked to her salon not far down the high street.

Sadie might have been over weight and dress like an old lady going to bingo for her birthday, but she was the best hairdresser in the world, in my eyes. I sat done in one of the back seats, waiting for her to wash my hair, but, wait… she was talking again. I hummed loudly and raised my eyebrow to her and she soon came over and tried to get the water right.

"I'd like that coconut one today, I think." I said clearly and she got out the shampoo and began to wash my hair. After the small talk of how I was, we moved to the front part of the shop and I sat, looking at myself in the mirror. Once again asking myself why so many girls left me, it really was a puzzle.

Whilst flicking through a magazine, Sadie had the hair dryer on my hair and was soon brushing it. "Children." I started.

"Children?" Sadie asked.

"Children are what women want, they can't help themselves." I said simply. "Look, celebrities with their babies… problem pages full of I want to have a baby but he doesn't."

"Yes, James… but, you don't like children." she sighed, shaking her head. "And, you can't just make a child appear and disappear."

"Can I borrow yours?" I asked.

Sadie gave me a very, very odd look, "… Borrow my child?" she asked and stared. "Oh, yes, I'll rent him out if you want." she said sarcastically.

"You know what I mean…" I said simply. "Not borrow… maybe, take him out, what's his name again?" I questioned.

Sadie glared, "Carl." she replied. "And, no, he isn't going to be your 'pulling power'." she snapped. "James, just stop it." she said and with that, my haircut seemed to be over pretty quick and I found myself paying at the desk.

"I'll see you next weak." I told her, "Or, maybe sooner…" I started and thought deeply, not listening to Sadie as she began to speak, I just left her shop and made may way to another shop. Whilst shopping, I found myself a new pair of shoes and a few pairs of jeans. Heartache was trouble…

Returning home, I found Julie: my house maid. She cleaned, ironed and did other things around the house. Blonde short hair and brown eyes, often dressed in something pink and yellow, looking like a thin version of Mr Blobby. Her hair was always up in a bun and was always upon always held up with a pink hair band and yellow pin. She was the replacement as my last maid: Shelly, had kind of… self given up. Left me in my hour of need. I was along to fend myself against the foul smell of my socks and left to clean up the crumbs of my morning toast. It was horrible, really. Makes be cringe to think about it. Two days… two days it took them to find me another maid.

"Hello, Mr Faris." she greeted, holding a basket of my clothes. "I wandered where you were this morning."

"I was out, shopping." I replied, "It was terrible… awful, Julie. Tina left me without a word, left while I was sleeping."

"Tina?" she asked. "Your girlfriend was Jenny… last I remember." she said slowly.

"Jenny, that's the one I meant, Tina, Jenny… they sound the same, right?" I said and she shook her head no. I only sighed. "Well, it was bad, I had to go out, all depressed and everything."

"You poor thing." she said, but her eyes were looking at the clothes in the basket more than me.

"I know. Oh well, I had to buy myself a new pair of shoes and everything." I told her, my voice sounding as if it was trying to be strong. I turned and started walking up the stairs, before pausing. "Julie… you like children, right?"

"Children? Of course." she replied. "Why?"

"No reason." I muttered, turning and continuing to my bedroom with one thought on my mind. Could I buy a child? Do they have children markets? Or was that only in things like Oliver Twist… "Damn."

N/A: I do not really know where I got the idea to write this story from, but please leave a review as I am unsure if I should continue. Thank you.