And then it starts. The visions. The flashbacks. I TRY to stop it, but it is no use. I am losing focus. I can feel myself entering a new dimension in my mind. The one I try to shove to the back of my head but it's pushing its way out now. Overcome by dizziness, I can feel myself letting go…
…The rain is falling hard. I can hear the big raindrops splashing against the windows. Splat, Splat, sounding like sharp stones being thrown against the thin, fragile glass.
There's a rapid series of pounding on the door. I look up from my addition equations. I can still hear the thunder and the rain, booming against the dark day. Dad goes to open the door.
I can smell her scent now. Her unique scent of alcohol and cocaine, or whatever other drugs she is into that day. Whenever I smell it, I know she's there, ever since I was a baby I've known that scent. That she's there.
"Marie! Come on Marie, be reasonable. Be reasonable. Think of Jasmine. Come on Marie. Stop this. Stop this nonsense."
…It's coming in and out of focus. The dark day is dreary, as if someone had stretched out the time to make everything blurry. Things are moving in slow motion. In and out… Focus…
"Don't make me change Arthur. Don't you even try! I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want. So just fuck off, alright?"
"Marie, please don't be like this. Think about us. Think about this family. Marie, come on. Think about this family. Think about Jasmine. She needs a mother. Be reasonable. Please!"
"Didn't I just tell you to fuck off? Now are you gonna gimme the fucking cash or do I have to make you? You useless bastard."
…Things are blowing out of proportion. It's stretchier and stretchier. I can barely see. I strain to hear the echoing voices, as though in a dream…
"Don't you care at all about US? About this family? About your daughter? Don't you give a damn about anything but yourself?!"
Is it me or are those tears running down dad's face?
"No, I don't. I don't have to and I wont. And if you wont help me then fuck you! I'm fucking leaving! You cant control me. I'm gonna live however I want and I don't need you to hold me down."
"You're not going anywhere Marie, until you do something for this family! Marie! Come back here now!"
"DO-NOT-TOUCH-ME OR I SWEAR I'LL HURT SOMEBODY."
"Marie! Marie! You are not going-"
The sound of bottle breaking. Glasses flying everywhere. An excruciating pain in my left arm. Tables and chairs hitting the floor. Screams. Yells. Cries. Tears.
The scene is spinning. Round and round. Like a merry-go-round.
"Mommy! Mommy don't go!"
Door slam and thunder.