Looking at the clock,and its three thirty a.m,i've been sitting in this bed for three hours and still i can't get any sleep.

Closing my eyes wishing that sleep would fade over without any effort,well isn't that what it should be?Can't get this thought out of my head,of shit i said people,relationships that were cutoff,but i can't explain i'll listen to the radio,stop thinking,peacefully listen,and conjure a wait for the next day.

Remembering that girl from English class,i have a tendency of staring of people,analying them trying to understand them,comparing them to seemed perfect apperance,attitude,intellectually she attracted everyone with her mystery.

Then the senior that was in my creative writing class,and he was a genius and a Devils advocate too and the love and support also apperication surrounding had black hair,i can't explain myself or my feeling towards the site of him breathtaking.

I am always focusing on all my mistakes,and my stupidity and blocking out all of the accomplishments because they don't add up to want other people have done.

Looking back at the 0'clock in a couple minutes my Dad will wake up.

Just to avoid a another miserable conversation i am going to stay in Dad,giving me directions to clean the kitchen,complaining about his life,making me more i wait for two hours in bed,waiting for my Dad to get out of the door so i can avoid him.

Why can't my family be like a normal one with a kind and concerning mother and a huge family cating people all around,i know most people don't have thoose sort of its not fair to complain,but i don't a nice fantasy.

Going on the computer for some consolation doesn't help the situation either,if you found someone that comforts you ,they are never on always busy with other talking to people that don't quite understand your grudges somehow miraculously helps.

Looking back at the clock 4 thirty in the morning.

I sleep right by my window,sometimes during the night i like to stare up at the during the winter when the temperature is around the twenties open the window,get the room extremely cold,and snuggle inside my blankets,with the body snuggled together like a kitty my face inside the covers listening to music with the volume echoing through my room.

Turning off the music,i start daydreaming how it would feel like having a loving warm body beside i could stare at,that would be as beautiful as a starry night and as mesmorizing as my fantasies.