Theory of Loveativity

"I have a theory," said Renee Kingston, munching on her sandwich. Her friends all looked at her. It was the start of fifth-period lunch, and usually they all spent the first five minutes eating and not talking to each other. If Renee was breaking this tradition, it must be something important.

"What is it?" asked Arela Styles, flipping her coppery red hair over her shoulder.

"I've been thinking," Renee continued, wiping her mouth and setting her sandwich down. "You know how John turned me down for that date on Friday?"

"Yeah," said Jolie Fletcher, nodding slowly.

"It got me thinking," said Renee. "All my life I've been turned down by guys, over and over again, and lately it's been making me wonder why. I mean, I'm pretty good-looking, right? Nice personality and all that?"

"Absolutely," Tracy Rochester agreed, smiling warmly.

"Thanks. But anyway, like I was saying. So if throughout my entire existence guys have never liked me when there's not necessarily anything wrong with me—"

"People have probably liked you," Tracy interrupted. "Maybe you just don't know about it."

Renee ignored her. "—and there's still all these people who end up with other people, and they love each other and all. It got me thinking about how odd and strange that is. I mean, if I was an asexual alien observing life on earth—"

"Which you are anyway," Arela smirked

Renee glared at her, then continued. "As I was saying...if I was that alien, I would think about how improbably it would be for two people to fall in love with each other at the same time. I mean, what're the odds? A one in a million chance."

"Well, it happens," said Jolie. "You can't deny it. You see it every day."

"Aha! See, that's where you're wrong. Or could be, which leads me to my theory. My theory is, is that nobody really falls in love with people who love them back."

"What?!" exclaimed Jolie. "That's crazy!"

"Oh, really? Is it?" asked Renee darkly. "I don't think it is. Sure, it may happen once in a while, but not all the time."

"That makes no sense," Arela declared. "How do you explain the thousands and thousands of couples all over the world?"

"Easy," said Renee, shrugging. "Either they're both in it just for the sex, or one of them genuinely loves the other one, but the feeling is not mutual."

"But why would that other person be in the relationship if they didn't feel the same way?" Tracy asked.

"Because they're either desperate or feel sorry for the other person...or because they think they love the other person, but they really don't."

"What? You mean like infatuation or something?" asked Arela.

"Maybe," said Renee. "Or something in the back of their brain is telling them, 'Hey. This person likes me. I should like them too, or I'll never reproduce'."

Arela started cracking up while Tracy and Jolie looked at Renee like she was crazy.

"What? What! Oh, c'mon, don't tell me that's not possible! How else can you explain people falling in and out of love so fast?"

"Because it's lust, not love," said Arela. "Lust doesn't sustain relationships for very long. People mix up the two all the time, but there are still people who really, honestly love each other. You're just a bitter old lady."

"I'm seventeen; I'm not an old lady," Renee said. "And besides, who are you to talk? Make-Out Queen of the Lower East Side."

Arela chuckled. "Got a point there. But see, I'm not deluding myself under the notion that those flings are actual relationships."

"Well, whatever," said Renee dismissively. "The point is, two people loving each other at the same time is so illogical that the only logical conclusion that can be reached is that it's all a hoax."

"Oh, Renee, you've gone off the deep end," Jolie giggled.

"Our little conspiracy theorist," said Tracy fondly, ruffling Renee's blonde hair.

"I am not a conspiracy theorist," said Renee sulkily, crossing her arms. "I'm just being realistic."

"You're being crazy, that's what you're being," said Jolie.

"You're all just hopeless romantics," said Renee, rolling her eyes. "You refuse to face the fact that all of your relationships are, were, and will be meaningless."

"And you're a deluded, bitter old maid," Arela grinned.

"Yeah," said Tracy. "You'll find someone someday, Renee."

"You guys aren't getting it!" Renee exclaimed. "This isn't about me! It's just the conclusion I've reached because I'm seventeen and still never gone on a date or been kissed!"

"Sounds like it's about you," said Arela. "Miss Bitter Teen 2005."

Renee threw her paper bag at her. Arela just laughed.

"I have another theory," said Tracy. "It's that teenage boys are all hormones and testosterone and only want ass and that's it."

"A much better theory," chuckled Arela.

"Whatever," said Renee, standing up. "I'm getting cookies." She left, muttering something about being underappreciated.

"So...have you told her yet?" Jolie said quietly to Tracy.

Tracy sighed. "No. Not yet."

"Well, you better," said Arela. "Or I'm doing it for you, dammit. I can't stand watching this anymore. Renee is so oblivious. It's obvious that you're crazy about her."

"I don't want to ruin the friendship," Tracy insisted. "It would just freak her out, wouldn't it? I think it's best to keep this quiet."

Arela shook her head. "Tsk tsk. You need to get this off your chest."

"I've kept it a secret for three years; I don't think I'll have too much trouble doing it for another five months," said Tracy. She looked over at Renee standing on the long snack line, tapping her foot impatiently. She sighed. "I dunno. Maybe Renee's theory is right. I'm never going to find someone either."

"Oh, no, not you too..." Jolie groaned.

"You'll find someone," said Arela firmly. "And Renee will too. And if I have anything to say about it, you'll find each other."

"That sounds like something from a corny love song," Tracy chortled. "But seriously, do not tell her. Please."

"Oh, fine," Arela snapped as Renee came back cookie-less. "But don't say I didn't try to help."

"Try to help with what?" asked Renee, sitting down.

"She offered me a cheat sheet for the Calculus test," Tracy said. "I told her no."

"Well, at least some of us have our morals intact," said Renee, glaring at Arela, who grinned sheepishly.

Tracy smiled and poked at her salad with a spork. Renee's theory. The Theory of Loveativity. She chuckled softly to herself. Heh. Loveativity.

"What's so funny?" Jolie asked her.

"Just thinking about Renee's theory," Tracy said. "I've dubbed it The Theory of Loveativity."

Renee laughed. "Theory of Loveativity. I like it!"

Tracy smiled. "Thank you."

She stared at Renee as she continued to talk to the other two. Yep. Theory of Loveativity. Hopefully someday she could prove it wrong.