1Material bliss - 3/17/o6 fri. TGIF
We're sitting here, both on your couch
in the middle of the living room at your home
I watch you with unassuming eyes
as you smoke your blunt, getting stoned
It's pretty curious that I choose to be here
rather than in my own bed, in my room
but with the problems that surround my family
home is less like a safe haven, and more like a tomb
these four walls are suffocating me
and actually succeeding in breaking me in
and though our parents raise us to be independent
everything we do seems like a fucking sin
I don't care that my friends pop pills
or inject themselves with random shit
at least they can find happiness at the bottom of a bottle
unlike myself – how I ache so badly just to quit
I travel around Allentown
following up behind the pack
everyone else is in front of me
but I actually like being in the back
they laugh and they talk amongst themselves
I hear their voices, but not their conversation
because instead, I'm focusing on myself
thinking about fantasies that work as my salvation
these dreams are all I have
they're the only thing that keeps me sane
they're the only things that cushion
all the vulgar thoughts in my brain
everyone's a fucking hypocrite
"it's great that you're straight edge "
And then they light up a fucking blunt
I just want all this contradiction to get out of my head
but what can I say?
I really can't complain
maybe I'm stronger than them
because I can push away my pain
but then again, I have no mind-numbing pain
at least no horrible experiences to speak of
who am I really kidding?
I'm as innocent as an age-old dove
But it's alright I guess
I mean, I still have my faith
But sometimes I wonder...
Why did He create us in the first place?
This place called "earth" is gruesome
it plays, then sucks away my soul
and though I'm not as innocent as I seem
there's still so much I don't know
like the simplest facts of life
what it's like to share a kiss with someone
among so many other things about love
but I don't deserve any of it – I'm too dumb
she becomes a whore as she spreads her legs
when she lets this man she hardly knows fuck her
she becomes a dependant doll that bends to his whim
when she lets this man she hardly knows fuck her
she becomes self-conscious when she opens up her heart
when she lets this man totally fuck with her mind
she becomes so unaware of everything around her
when she lets this man totally fuck with her mind
he's a total mind fuck
who's only here for the moment
so that when you turn back around
he's no longer there
Happy fucking birthday