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The Daily Dose

The 2041 election is over! Conservative candidate Kelly Schwimmer (Ohio, 55) won by a landslide receiving seventy-nine percent of the total votes in yesterday's election. The entirety of the United States is eagerly waiting to see the manner in which all of the plans Schwimmer has planned for the country, including, but not limited to: a regulation of clothing sizes, a universal monetary system and language, raising the national intelligence and literacy rates, as well as lowering the percentage of the nation's unemployed and poverty stricken residents. It all sounds far too good to be true – but the only thing to do now is wait and see what happens. After all the nation went through in the past four years it would be hard for things to go anywhere but up! (A full outline of the President's campaign plans can be found on page A12)