4I sat against the side of the abandoned truck bed, her propped up against my shoulder, dazedly looking around, while we waited for the toe-truck. There was really nothing to do but talk, but she didn't seem interested. Instead, she rummaged in her backpack, finding a thick, black marker and some paper, and began to draw.
She really was the girl mother warned you about. But not in the "she's going to want to tie you up and touch you" way. She was spooky and deceptive and WEIRD, and all my friends had warned me about her, too. But she wasn't spooky to me. Oh no, I had to find her "intriguing" and "mysterious." I had to be interested. I had to ask her out on the night rolling thunderstorms were expected to come through the area. And not just your run of the mill rolling thunderstorms, either. No, these had to be the kind with lightning strong enough to electrocute an entire office building, if given the right leverage. And they had to come at nearly midnight, while she and I were stuck at an abandoned truck stop, while I was waiting and praying the toe-truck would pick up my car and save me from this living nightmare.
Hearing a slight rumble, I looked to her. She was drawing giant storm clouds with tiny stick figures being shocked underneath them. She really was weird, and definitely not in a good way. I heard somewhere she might be a witch. I hope that wasn't how she cast her spells.
"Uh, I- I think we should try and find some cover. Sit in the car, maybe? Sounds like those storms they predicted are coming through."
She looked up, not at me, but at the truck.
"No phallus."
I blinked. "Excuse me?"
"The truck," she began, "says 'Atlas Supplies.' But the man on it, Atlas, who's holding up the world, completely nude, has no penis. No phallus."
I looked up, too. She was right – The truck did say 'Atlas Supplies,' and Atlas did not seem gender-specific, although he was ripped and had no breasts, so I figured they meant for him to be male.
"Yeah… so…?"
"That's injustice." She decided, standing. Grasping her marker, she grabbed onto the handle of the truck's side door and swung herself onto its ledge.
"What are you DOING?" I nearly yelled, jumping up. Then, remembering it was the middle of the night, I clapped my hand over my mouth. The last thing I needed was some random freak coming out and attacking us. Or worse, breaking both our legs and leaving us stranded there, together, which would not allow me to get away from her if I needed to.
"I'm drawing a penis on him."
"Why?" I hissed, pretty annoyed. "Even I think that's immature, and I'm a guy!"
"I'm not doing it to be immature!" she insisted, testing to see if her arm could reach high enough to draw the phallus on Atlas' crotch. Sadly, it could. "I'm doing it because we are too censored in this country! We don't allow people to embrace the beauty of the human body! Instead, we hide it under clothing and are ashamed of ourselves if we do not meet the standards of society! I am doing this for every man, woman and child in this country! So they can learn that humanity is nothing to be ashamed of!"
She ended in a flourish, and thunder crashed, much closer to us than it was before.
I threw my hands into the air, "God, you are crazy, you know that? My friends were right— you're not mysterious or intriguing! You're fucking BAT SHIT!" I started to walk back to the car, my hands jabbed into my pockets, mentally preparing myself to sulk for the next few hours.
"I need to see yours."
I stopped. Dead. And whirled around. She was hanging lazily by one arm.
"Mine?" I asked. "My dick?"
"Yes." She stated simply. "Your penis."
Thunder rumbled.
"What are you talking about?! You're an artist, aren't you? Don't you have it memorized, or something? Don't naked people POSE FOR YOU in your drawing classes?"
"Yes." She said again. "But I draw from what is. Did you see my drawings before? Stick figures. I can't draw a nose unless I'm looking at a nose. Thusly, I can't draw a penis unless I'm looking at a penis."
"You're a hack, then." I cocked my head to the side. "And I don't fuck on the first date."
She glared, "Look, didn't you hear my speech before? Like I'm going to care how long or short your penis is. I just need to see one!"
"Just draw TWO BALLS AND A STICK." I screamed, lightning flashing again. The way it outlined her – giving her a giant shadow against the truck – made me shiver.
"SHOW IT TO ME." She screamed and thunder clapped in the distance, making my belief that she really was a witch heighten to terrifying proportions.
With that, I threw down my pants, underwear and all, revealing everything and (close to) nothing at the same time. I twisted my eyes shut and looked away, hands behind my back, giving her a clear shot of my penis. She wanted her model, and she got it.
Rain began pouring at that moment, and the next thing I saw, when I tenitivally opened my eyes, hoping to not find her rolling on the ground with laughter, was her walking back towards me, drenched, sliding her fat, black marker into her pocket.
I hitched my pants up as quickly as possible, and when she reached me, I was re-buckling my belt. She looked at me and smiled, and I just dropped back onto my ass, keeping my eyes focused on her.
She became somewhat lost in the rain, as I let myself drop to the ground, so when she sat down beside me, I didn't see her expression. She leaned against me as she had before and sat.
Minutes passed in complete silence. I was embarrassed and horrified and couldn't believe she still thought she could touch me after that. I said the only thing that was on my mind:
"That made me really horny."
The only answer I got was her steady breathing. She was asleep.