1Author's Note: Hi there again! I'm glad you took your time to read this. Alright. Before you read this, it needs a little explanation. This is a one-shot story I did, inspired by two things: my friend and the song "Torpe" by Hungry Young Poets. They're a band here in the Philippines, which explains the odd lines of italisized text. But worry not, the line below it is the english translation.
More explanation. For those of you who are not Filipino or speak Tagalog, I will put what a torpe is.
Torpe- n. a person who is too shy or scared to approach the person he likes. In layman's terms: he's chicken.
There, I hope you enjoy it! Forgive the grammatic errors and stuff, I'll edit this later, I just wanted to share it right away! )
TORPE
by: Michelle del Rosario
She sat on a bench, staring at the floor in front of her.
Wag nalang kaya
Maybe we should just forget it
She just couldn't bring herself to put herself forward and talk to him. All she can feel when they are in such proximity is panic and utter happiness. No, she couldn't say anything, she couldn't even look at him. It was embarrassing. She was way to scared and shy.
Hari ng katorpehan
King of torpe's
Nevermind, maybe she should just forget it. Who was she kidding anyway? She didn't know him and he didn't know her? How could she think that she had any chance of even getting close to him? Besides, this was college, there was no way that, given if they were to be properly introduced and then are free to talk to each other, there just wasn't any time. He wasn't in any of her classes, and she wasn't in any of his. Perhaps giving up is the best and only plausible choice left.
Wag wag nalang kaya
Maybe we should just forget it
It was quite tiring to see him and not be able to say hi to him, or even look into his eyes. It was also very tiring to have her eyes out for him constantly. She hardly saw him in the first place, so to be expecting to see him somewhere is really quite tiresome and exhausting. She couldn't quite place herself in what she wanted to do. Although she was tired in searching for him, she loved the jolt of happiness she felt when she finally spotted him…
Di ka ba nagsasawa sa liwanag ng buwan
Aren't you getting tired of the brightness of the moon?
But she new that her opportunities were getting less and less as she let more time pass her by. She has had so many opportunities to say hi, to smile at him or to wave at him, but she has let all of that pass her by. She has had so many plans of action in her head but none of them ever left her mind because she always backed out when time arose.
Namamatay na ang mga rosas sa tabi
The roses in the side are dying
di ka parin bumiili
You still haven't bought any.
Time was running out, she knew it. Although they would still be in the same school in the coming few months or even years, but the likelihood of her seeing him ever again is constantly growing slimmer. For all she knew, he was waiting for her to make a move, but then again, maybe not. Within her mind, she tells herself that she is just waiting for the right time, but honestly, she knew it was because she just didn't have it in herself to put herself forward.
Nauubos na ang oras sa kahihintay
Time is disappearing in waiting.
Pero ni sulat, ni tawag wala
But neither letter or call, nothing.
Her friends constantly encourage her that she can do it, that it was no big challenge because after the first step has been taken, the rest would fall as easily as walking. They say that, given the chance, they would be perfect for each other and that all she needs to do is make a move, any move. Why? Why couldn't she do it? It boggled her mind. It confused her heart.
Bakit pa kailangan ng ulan
Why do we need the rain?
Kahit ulap nagsasabi tayoy bagay
Even the clouds say we match
Bakit mo pa kailangan mag tanong
Why do you still need to ask?
But she knew, she knew that they would be a good match. Deep in her heart, although she might not have a chance, she knew that given that chance, she would be great for him and him for her. She knew this with every fiber of her being.
Kung alam mo na, alam mo na
If you know already, you know.
Still, days and weeks pass and still nothing has changed. She and he still do not talk, not give each other eye contact and definitely do not say hi to each other. It was something she could not seem to change. Every time, without fail, she manages to avoid ever saying a word to him, ever looking at his eyes, ever waving or acknowledging him. Maybe she was asking for too much, because it didn't seem like something she could do or may even deserve. It really ached her head, really wanting to be with him, talk to him, laugh with him, but not once has she been able to do so.
Namamatay na ang mga rosas sa tabi
The roses in the side are dying
di ka parin bumiili
you still haven't bought.
The more she waitied, the more time is wasted. The more she avoided him, she knew, the more he forgot what her name was. Why, why couldn't she say hi? A simple hi.
Nauubos na ang oras sa kahihintay
Time is disappearing in waiting
She stood, deciding to just head home. She would think of this more on the jeepney ride home. She just couldn't stand being in the environment where she could have had all the chances to approach him. She just couldn't take it anymore.
Pero ni sulat, ni tawag wala
But neither letter or call, nothing.
Utterly sad and absorbed in her thoughts, she traverses the campus of the school. Forget him…what did she have to do upon getting home? She would think of something to cloud the thoughts of him and her hopelessness…
Namamatay na ang mga rosas sa tabi
The roses in the side are dying
di ka parin bumiili
you still haven't bought.
She walks quickly. Away from school, away from him. Anywhere, anywhere but here.
Nauubos na ang oras sa kahihintay
Time is being wasted in waiting
Pero ni sulat, ni tawag wala
But neither letter or call, nothing.
Faster and faster. She wants to run. Her mind began to spin with all the thoughts of him and her, all the opportunities she let pass, all those times that she could have talked to him…all those times….so many times…
Bilisan mo na ngayon
Be faster now.
She ran, carrying her bag. Bad luck catches her as it starts to rain. Oh great. But nonetheless, with all the thoughts in her head, she runs across the gigantic garden, not even covering her head. She even stops for a moment to look up at the sky.
Kasi tumatakbo ang tren
Because the train is running.
Faster. Faster. She ran faster, the rain soaking her. She didn't care. She just wanted to stop thinking, stop being so scared and stop being so…her.
Bilisan mo na ngayon
Be faster now
She stops. In the middle of the great garden. She is suddenly tired. Physically and emotionally. She breathes in and out quickly. The weight of her things brings her down and she kneels on the stone, garden floor. The sky has turned gloomy, the rain covered the tears and it beat down on her head, on her thoughts. What could she do?
Iiwanan ka
It will leave you
He would never like her…he would never know her…he would never see her…he would never see the kind of effect he has on her. He would never see her like she was now: an image of sadness and desperation sitting on the cold floor under the freezing rain.
Ayoko ng torpe
I don't want a torpe
"Are you okay?"
The voice startled her. She looked up. There he was, under the pouring rain. He hovered above her, holding an umbrella over their heads. Their eyes met, and he knelt down.
"Are you okay?" he asked again. Her panic kicked in and all she could to was look at the floor. "Kat, am I right? I don't know if you remember me, I'm Nemo."
She still said nothing. He smiled at her. "I was wondering if you were alright. I was going to talk to you, but then you started running. I thought you were running away from me."
She looked up at him. He was kidding right? He was going to talk to her?
"You don't have to get up if you don't want to, but its still bad to be out in the rain…
…I'll stay here with you until you feel better…
…don't be sad, okay?"
Pero gusto kita
But I like you.