A Prisoner Of His Shadow

I don't want to be trapped anymore,

placed in a cage of someone else's making.

I need wings, to fly away from this room I know so well

This comfort zone that keeps me 'safe' from the world.

This padded, white prison.

I don't want to be trapped anymore

Eclipsed by the shadow he casts on me.

For it is a dark pall on my freedom;

A usurping of my being.

I don't want to be trapped anymore.

Trapped by the binds that he creates

Intricate lies and deceitfulness,

Unseen by everyone but me.

For I know what he's reallylike, and you'll never take that away from me.

I remember how it was before;

Lies, arguments, and failures

Constantly being crushed under his foot;

Supported by your backing.

And if I wasn't careful,

I would have forgotten, and fallen

prey to his brainwashing 'charm'.

Agreed that he is right, always,

And lost every ounce of self-respect inside me.

I don't want to be a hypocrite; I refuse to lie to myself.

I will not let you subjugate me silently,

'encourage' me to follow his example.

For it is a rotten apple, and I am not him.

And I will never be.

Nor will I forget

The pain of those agonising months;

the dark nights I cried myself to sleep

how I was lied to

hurt,

cut, again and again with the blades

of false promises and broken hopes.

I cannot forget.

I don't want to be trapped anymore

Coerced into following the paths he makes.

I am my own person, and I have a destiny

That is entirely my own.

I don't want to be trapped anymore

By comparisons to his flawed perfection,

and the example he sets to others;

his social presence, and his countless admirers.

You wonder why I live the way I do

Spend hours in solitude

It is because I remember, and I pray that I will fly

Away to my freedom;

Fly away to a place where he'll never get me;

Where I can be free, without

The constraints and 'guidelines' he sets for me

Where I can live by my own example…

And I hope it isn't only a wishful dream.

For,

Every avenue I take to escape seems to run into that well-worn road of his making.

And my last attempt at freedom was disappointment.

I left and returned; my broken, misshapen wings needing repair,

But still proudly defiant at having tasted the darkness of freedom, and

Unable to truly escape…

I don't want to be trapped anymore,

Please, someone set me free.

I don't want to be trapped anymore.

I don't want to be a prisoner of his shadow.