AN: I just thought that I had a pretty good storyline. It was a spur of the moment thing, but I think it will turn out quite all right. Please R&R! Enjoy!
16. The blissful teenage year. The year that opens up the road to freedom and independence. The year that every one anticipates; the year to drive and thrive! One and only time to throw the birthday bash of your lifetime!
But…that's not my idea and the picture I have in mind when I turn 16. It's the time to get buckled down and prepared for the reality of life! The chance to discover your inner talent and pursue your goals! Where your crossroads begin! College! A career!
I already know what you're thinking; 'What is wrong with this girl? Why can't she just learn to enjoy the delight of being a teenager? Get a life!' Think as you may, but who will you admire more in the future? A cashier at a convenience store, or a well-paid lawyer? You can pick for yourself on that one. Is it such a bad thing to have a successful and meaningful life?
That doesn't mean I completely reject the idea of fun in my life. I do have a group of friends that I love to hang out with. We go out to movies, amusement parks, and of course, the mall (not the one I'd particularly prefer). I also have a steady relationship with my boyfriend. We both respect and love each other for who we are. Personally, I think that's more important than getting laid. I do enjoy going to parties once in a while, but not until I'm wasted. Can't blame a girl for looking out for herself. I can't help it when I just happen to be a bit more mature for my age in comparison to everyone else around me. To be blunt, I have my reasons for being like this. But, we'll get into that some other time.
Well, here are the basics. My name's Jennifer Rebecca Harlings. But I prefer to be called Jenny. Just makes life a tiny bit simpler and easier. Plus, my full name makes my skin crawl. I am at the tender age of 15, and only 3 months away from turning 16. I was born and raised in Cape May, New Jersey. It's a beautiful place and I am proud to call it my home. I am a single child with a single parent. It has always been my mom and I for as long as I can remember. According to my mom, my dad died when I was very young due to a car accident. That's as much as she'll tell me. I think it's because the pain is still there and the memories are just too much to bear. I believe that my mom's loved and still loves my dad a lot. But I am happy being with my mom and can never ask more of her; she loves me with all her heart and I return the same feelings. We have each other and nothing will change that.
I attend Willington High School; just a typical ordinary high school. Like any other, it's always full of drama and cliché just like a soap opera. Every little thing has to be blown up out of proportion just so one person can draw up some attention on oneself. And of course, my school is ruled by the power of popularity, which basically includes the jocks and the cheerleaders. Then there's the nerds and the geeks; basically the brain of the school. And the unforgettable outcasts; social rejects, punks, Goths, just name them; they're here. Ah, then there's the majority of our grade; the insignificant and invisible student body who carry on their lives behind the shadows of the 'godly' ones of our school. Note the sarcasm. And where do I fall among all these categories? I'll give you three guesses. No? Thought you were smarter. Guess not. FYI, I am a proud member of the insignificant student body. Why am I proud of it? Well, just simply because I don't have to involved in any of the cat fights that go on every day in the halls, or be under constant scrutiny by the 'gods'. Oh, of course not. What if I don't meet their standards? How dreadful. Yes, I enjoy where I am and am not planning to change that any time soon.
I have a small group of friends, but only two I consider close. They are my confidantes. They are always there for me whenever I need them for support or a second opinion. Like any other, they can be a pestering pain in the ass, but I love them just as much. To me, they are my siblings I've never had.
My girl friend, Becca, short for Rebecca, (what a coincidence!) is practically my twin. Even though she can get unbearably annoying, she is a true friend. Strangely, we have a telepathic connection, where we could read each others' minds without a single word. One look from her could convey a message that can not be said in words. This just proves how strong our bond is. We've known each other ever since she decided to lend me her color pencils during art class in second grade. Her outgoing personality perfectly complements my diffident, reserved character. She has a bright, positive glow that radiates self-confidence and self-esteem. Her self-assured quality proves the difference between coolness and egotism. I won't say she brings out the best in everyone, but she does bring out the best in me. Yes, at first, I was hesitant to open up to her, as I was afraid of coming out of my shell. But in the end, her encouraging persona won over and as soon as we overcame our obstacle, we were best friends. We balanced each other out; we were kindred spirits.
On the other hand, Gavin is like my older brother. He is always there for me whenever I need him; for matters as miniscule as a ride to school or as important as being there for me every year on the day of my father's death. He's just an all around nice guy.
He has been friends with Becca for far longer than I have been with her. I was first introduced to Gavin during one of Becca's play-dates in second grade. He was just as gregarious as Becca; he willingly let me take his power-ranger action figure back home with me for an entire day along with one of Becca's Barbie dolls. His friendly gestures soon vaporized the awkwardness I felt when I was around him. I just felt that he was the male version of Becca. But if there was one contrasting feature about Gavin, it was his patience. His tolerance rarely wore out and personally, I've never seen him reach that boiling point just yet. And I'm not planning to, anytime soon.
Gavin has always carried a notion that I was vulnerable and weak. He felt the need to look after me. He says I'm too small for the 'big bad world'. Gavin's just a great guy to be around with. He ensures that you feel secure, and that you're never hurt. One thing's for sure though; don't EVER get on his bad side, because if you do, you'll regret it.
Ever since, the three of us was always a trio; all for one and one for all! We looked out for one another always.
My boyfriend is a whole different matter. Dan is an absolute sweetheart and we value and respect each other with complete honesty. We never pushed each other past a point we don't want to cross and accept each other for that. I am grateful that Dan is willing to wait for me until I'm ready for any development in our relationship. We've had our first kiss, but it was not passionate. It was short and sweet, yet just as memorable. It was my first kiss. As much as there is physical attraction, we took our relationship very slowly. To this day, we only hug, hold hands and give each other peck on the lips once or twice here and there. It took me a while to get used to being involved with a guy romantically. I was uncertain about Dan, like I usually am with every new type of relationship. But his perseverance and persistence finally convinced me to trust him, and we took it step by step afterwards. We will be celebrating our second anniversary in 3 months and I am excited. While I may not 'love' Dan, I care for him greatly, and he is a part of my life.
I have a problem with relying on people. I am wary of giving them my full trust and moreover, I am terrified of being caught off guard. I want to be ready for whatever comes my way, so the impact is not as intense. Being distant keeps me safe and secure, away from pain. Yes, I am deathly frightened of getting hurt.
Life is cruel and tough. I've learned that at a young age. And that's why I try to make every second, every minute count. So I will have no regrets when I look back. I know that it's impossible, to say that I will make no mistakes in my life. I am quite certain that I will make mistakes, but I think it's what you learn from it that really matters. I just hope that among all the confusion and the cryptic ways of life, I will end up where I am supposed to be; where God designated me to be.
Covering up my emotions and leading everyone to assume that I am 'a okay' has been something I've come to accomplish. Even my best friends know that I like to keep my distance once in a while. They don't know exactly why, but they do agree to my request compliantly, knowing I need my time alone.
I remember two years ago, when I was honoring my deceased father in his remembrance on the day he passed on to the next world; Becca and Gavin came over to my house, discerning that I needed their support. For some reason, I've always felt that I was linked to my father. Like an unbreakable tie. I sense his presence in my heart every single day, but especially stronger on the day of his death. I believe in the life after death and I firmly posit that by some power, we're connected between the road of existence and demise. Every year, on that particular day, for some unknown reason, flashes float through my mind, leaving me numb with a tender wound that seems to be reopened and a confused mind. It's as if I'm experiencing something all over again. It leaves me shivering, as if the arctic wind just blew by; the cold shiver snaking down my spine. I have drips of cold sweat running down my forehead; my skin clammy, cold, and pale. According to Becca and Gavin, I look absolutely horror-struck. They do not understand the reason and I have no answer for them; I am just as clueless as they are. Even though the meaning of the memory flashes seems to be unknown, it is still emotionally scarring. I've learn to cope and deal with the memory flashbacks; I've learned to just handle it as best I can, without letting it out. I know it would make others worry about me and I can't have that. They all have their own problems to sort out. So, Becca and Gavin learned to just accept my behavior and move on, but with wariness and suspicions reflecting in their eyes.
Sometimes, I even wonder if I'm psychologically and mentally stable. It's just, at times; I feel as if I don't know who I am. It's hard to explain how I feel; I'm confused at myself and even mystified. The thoughts and sometimes emotions running through my mind baffle me endlessly. And I guess that's why I'm so closed up. Even though I learned to open up to Becca and Gavin, they are still blind to what I really go through. I'm so confused to how to cope with it myself, that I don't want and am not ready to completely be open with anyone. Not even with my mom. I think it's just something I should deal with on my own; as if there's no one that will understand. And I'm not planning to test it out and see if what I premonition is really true; if people think I'm some weird psycho. Nope; don't want to do it now and don't think I'll do it any time in the near future.
All I hope is that everything will work out in the future. I am in the hands of God.
AN: This is only the prologue. Please R&R! If I get reviews (supportive), I might continue...Thanks for reading!