Apocalyptica Is Coming

insert dramatic music here

Another story by Alyson and Laura

One day, Apocalyptica was sitting around on the internet and they came across the IWU cello camp site. "Duuuude...lets go there!" said one of them.

"Sweet idea man," so the group of rocking cellist teleported themselves to the IWU campus. Unfortunately, they accidentally left behind their drummer, Mikko.

As the four cellist landed on the construction work of Westbrook Auditorium, they heard loud cello sounds coming from inside.

"Hey…that sounds like our music!" Eicca said, scanning the area like a sniper.

"But…who is playing that lovely, sweet serenade of sound?" Paavo wondered aloud.

Perttu went to the front door and tried to open it, but pull as he might, his manly arms could no open the door. Suddenly he saw the yellow tape around it saying "Caution, do not enter."

"I do not think that we can enter this way guys," Perttu said.

Before the group could make another move, Brandon walked out of the side door to the auditorium surrounded by the group of rabid, hungry cellist on the way to dinner. Stopping and gasping, he screamed, "IT'S APOCALYPTICA!"

The group of cellist went wild and began to chase the four petrified rockers around the campus screaming that they loved their music. As Brandon led the chase, Antero's girlish screams could be heard back in the auditorium. Kira stuck his head out from his "Apocalyptica" practice and shrugged seeing no one. Out on the Quad, Mikko appeared; saw the rabid fans and quickly teleported away to a nice tropical island. And was instantly surrounded by cannibals, and that's the last we will hear of him.

But for the rest of the group of scared cellist, Antero had finally stopped screaming, were hiding in a tree. Eicca looked around, and heaved a sigh.

"Why dost thou heave a sigh as if thy soul is being ripped from thy body?" Paavo asked him, eyes filled with concern.

"We have yet to find out who was playing our music, and we attacked by rabid fans!" Eicca said, rolling his eyes at Paavo's dramatic words.

Perttu stepped in between them, to stop a fight, and ended up falling out of the tree. When he finally got back up, spotting a lovely bruise that looked like Ireland, he growled out, "One of those girls got a piece of my shirt." And true enough, right in the back of his shirt, a gaping hole was there. (Back in his room, Brandon was rubbing that shirt piece while rocking back and forth like a deranged man.)

The group agreed to go back to the auditorium, hiding behind trees on the way, and find the musicians who DARED to play their terrific music. As they reached the auditorium, they heard music coming from within.

"Hey, its Albatross, I played that when I was three months old," Antero said as they walked in.

The group walked down the isle to sit, when Kira, who was playing, looked up and saw them. His eyes grew wide as he realized who the quartet was before he fell into a dead faint on stage- letting his cello drop. A long "no," was screamed and SUPER ALYSON jumped over 6 rows of chairs and caught the priceless cello before it was dropped. WONDER LAURA followed and caught Kira before his head smacked the stage.

"I know I'm gorgeous, but I've never had people faint in front of me before," Perttu said, flipping his hair.

"Wait a second of a minute in this hour; these would be those raving fans from earlier this gorgeous evening who tried to kidnap our souls to keep forever!" Paavo gasped from next to Eicca.

Suddenly, the cannibals who had ate Mikko and gained his teleporting powers appeared in the back of the auditorium. Jessica screamed and tried to run past them but was swallowed in a single gulp by the fat Buddha-looking man leading them. Suddenly, all rumors were ended and there was peacefulness once he finished swallowing. But no one could figure out why…

"Men, and women, grap your weapons of Holy Corn and fire," Clark said, standing up dressed as George Washington. "Thou shall count to three, then fire, and only three! Not two, nor four, thou shall not even fire on five! THOU SHALL COUNT TO THREE!"

"One, two, FIVE!" Sidath yelled.

"No, its three!"

Hearing the word three, all the cello campers launched their ears of corn at the cannibals. Seeing flying gold things coming at them, the cannibals tried to grab them speaking to each other in Ewokese. But they soon found out grabbing those illustrious ears of corn was a bad idea, for it would explode on them! Screaming in fright, Antero hid behind Eicca, who hid behind Perttu, who then hid behind Paavo who hid behind the Great Pharaoh Nina.

The cannibals disappeared in a puff of smoke, soon to be replaced by Harry Potter and crew. "Bloody hell," Ron Weasley muttered.

"Wrong spot to apparate too," Harry said looking at Hermione.

"My bad, here go again!" and with a pop, the three were gone.

There was a moment of stunned silence as the group of cellist tried to take in what had just happened. Suddenly, a loud rumble filled the air and everyone dropped to the ground, fearing the worst. When nothing happened the looked up to see a blushing Jessica as she poked her stomach. "Sorry…I guess I'm hungry."

With a laugh, everyone left for dinner with Apocalyptica standing in the middle of the group. Brandon followed behind Perttu drooling at the thought of being so close to Apocalyptica. As they walked, Kira discussed with his group of special people on what to play in the concert, when they finished their conference, they split up as if nothing had happened. Alyson and Clark were finally able to pull Brandon away so that he would not cause another mad rush after the rockers.

Once they reached the cafeteria the smell of stinky football players and the giggles of cheerleaders reached the group of cellist. Antero, Eicca, and Paavo, all looked at each other before pulling out endpins and screaming, "CHARGE!" Like a mighty typhoon wave, the wave of cellist moved forward, taking down the two offending groups like a fat kid eating chocolate cake. When they had finished the slaughter, they heard still, the offending giggling. Spinning around, they were aghast at the sight they saw.

Perttu was standing in a circle, surrounded by at least 10 giggling cheerleaders who were fawning over him. He was bragging on and on about how awesome he was, and the girls kept feeling his arm muscles as he bragged. After dragging him away from the ditzy blonds eating TONS OF ICE CREAM, the group headed outside. But as they stepped outside, a horrible fate befell them!

At once, a storm of cicadas fell upon the group of cellist, screeching in their ears and climbing all over them. Immediately the group set off at a run for the auditorium, for the cicadas had blocked the door the cafeteria- no one could get in or out. As they ran, Kiki fell to the ground, being overwhelmed.

"Go on without me!" she cried, resigning herself to her fate. But one man turned back to save her.

"NEVER FEAR FLIRTMEISTER IS HERE!" and with that, he picked her up and flew on tennis rackets back to the auditorium. Meanwhile, Laura cried in a corner because her husband had betrayed her. "Will I have to go emo?" she whispered.

The group finally arrived safe and sound in the Westbrook Auditorium. They settled down, and Kira announced the mock-Apocalyptica concert! The real group of rock cellist was astounded and honored, and sat back to enjoy. The gang on stage rocked it out until they reached "Faraway" Kira looked at Laura, who was sitting next to her "sweetie" and winked.

As Laura winked back, John whispered to her, "Are you having an affair on me?"

"Of course not sweetie," she said, patting his arm.

At the end of the concert, Evan left the stage and Kira stood up. "We'd like to end this concert on a special note playing "Bittersweet," and we'd like to have Brandon come up and play with us."

The last song seemed to be the best, and the players got tremendous applause. After the cellos were all put up, everyone retired to the Quad to say goodbye to Apocalyptica.

"Well, my dear Americans –and Russians- it has been fun times indeed, so we must now return to our homeland." Antero started for the goodbyes.

"We must leave you hear in the deepest sadness of our heart, it feels as if my heart is being wrenched from my body at this very moment." Paavo stated next, dabbing at his eye with a tissue.

"We hope you will not forget our handsome looks, or well muscled arms." Perttu said, flexing his biceps.

"Well…goodbye!" Eicca said casually.

And with a blink of the eye, the group disappeared…never to be heard of again in the whole world.

The Brutal End of Fans

Author's note: Inspired by Laura and cello buddies, and dramatically written by the one and only Alyson. Thanks to Kira for the Apocalyptica info!