My heart felt like it had stopped beating, even though it wasn't beating in the first place. I finally felt human, but this time I didn't want to. My chest tightened and my mind raced, thinking of everything at once yet not coming up with a single thing to do. Finally, when my mind seemed to start again, I cried for the second time that day. Slumped next to the door frame, I cried for Amy and I cried for my friend, now gone, but most of all, I cried for me. I cried for my room and my family and my life, now gone as well. I knew that it did no good, but I didn't know what else to do. I sat there for what seemed like days, people passing through me just often enough to remind me that I was dead and start me crying again. I never thought about my family or friends after I found out I was a ghost. I never once went to see them, or even wished that they would be okay, and experience the things that I never got to experience.
I would never be able to fall in love with the man of my dreams, and have a perfect wedding. I would never get to go to college, or buy a car, or buy my first house. As horrible as it is, I would never get to take care of my parents, and be next to them when they decide that they have spent enough time on Earth. I will never have children of my own, never have a job, and never get to play bingo as an old lady. The things that I used to dread doing, like working or even going to school, seem so important now. I died without warning, just a normal day for me. I like to think that I made the most of my life, but deep inside of me I know that there is so much more that I could've done. Going through this again in my head made me realize that I needed Amy to live. If she died it would be all my fault, and she would have to go through the same hell that I am going through.
Though there wasn't much that I could do for her, I spent the days next to her, futilely trying to brush any stray hairs away from her face. From the nurses I discovered that she was ran over by a car. A hit and run, which means that she will never know who did this to her. She might not live long enough to even care. The nurses tend to her a lot, but I still feel as if they don't know her, they don't value her, they don't realize what a precious person depends on them. For the second time that day I really started to miss my human life, and what I had with the people I knew. I was here for Amy, and I know she would have been there for me, but she would never know how much I cared about her.
Life is more precious than anyone ever thinks. I have learned that the hard way, you could say. I used to blame everyone else for my problems and never thought that I was happy. But I was. More than any other emotion, I was usually happy. Of course I had fights with my friends and parents, but I always loved them and knew that they would always love me. Maybe we fight with the people we love instead of the people we are really mad at because we know that they will always be beside us and helping us up in times of need. I realize now that everyone takes that love for granted, and nobody ever really says how they feel. Actions don't always speak louder than words, especially when somebody is crying too hard to see you. I wish I could go back and tell the people I loved how I felt. I wish that just once, I would slow down and see all the good things that I have; that have been given to me. The people around me made me happy, and I never said anything to them.
I knew then that I had to do something for Amy. No matter how long it took, no matter what got in my way, I finally had a purpose. I would prove to myself, if nobody else, that I could be grateful, and that I could thank those who had done so much for me. I knew that Amy needed me the most right now, so I would help her first. There were so many people to thank that it would take me a while. The only problem I couldn't come up with a solution to was the little girl. She never helped me or loved me when I was alive, but I felt like she was the one who had made this existence possible. She would entertain me, and keep me company, and she understood so much that other kids her age would never get. I missed her, and I hoped that I would find her and show her that even though I didn't really know her, I was grateful for what she had done for me. But I had time, and I would find a way, and everything would work out just right.