Who am I?

Dr. Cerebellum Torture is the name, a most distinguished and unusual name that perhaps requires a degree of accounting to smooth over our introduction. I was born to a doctor myself, don't you know, a Mr. Niles Jameson Bryan Ji Ling Tortureā€¦

What?

Oh.

Yes, it's Chinese. No, I don't know why or how that name cropped up in my lineage. It's rather ghastly, don't you think? Hmm. No answer. Most impolite. Well, we can certainly see about that now, can't we?

Yes, yes, that's better. Rather ghastly, don't you think? Yes, of course it is. Now, don't be confused. I'm no racist. I've had many meetings with gentleman of the Chinese persuasion and barring one unfortunate fellow with a machine pistol those meetings were invariably lovely. In fact a particular lady and I enjoyed a delightful tryst which would not look out of place in your loathsome magazines were the details released to the public.

Fortunately, they haven't been.

My father was a student of clinical psychology, given the unenviable task of learning everything he could about the mind; rejoinder being that he needed to get frequent results to display to his masters if he wanted to avoid persecution or worse. Or, as he used to put it to me: Worse, then persecution. This suggests of course that the unpleasant fate in question was something other than death, moreover that it was eminently and intentionally survivable. He never did share this secret with me, I'm afraid, so the nature of that great punishment will have to remain as it is, for the most part, at least.

To say that this was an aggravation for my young and developing mind would be an understatement. I obsessed about this issue like it were a rash upon my manhood, and with zeal I determined to find out what it was that he was hiding from me. Of course you and I, dear friend, know already how that story turns out. But it did lead me to the most fascinating places.

What's that? Water? Ah. Yes, your lips are looking a little dry. One moment please.

There you go. Better? More comfortable? Well, no, I suppose that wasn't a very fair query, was it? But if I don't ask questions I'll never be able to tell if you're alert or not! And I do need you alert, dear boy.

Yes, that's the usual question at this point. What do I need from you. It's remarkable how predictable people can be from time to time. Who are you? What do you want? I imagine you're going to ask where you are, next!

My dear boy, that was an opportunity to surprise me. I'm most displeased that you spurned it. I hope you're familiar with the dual concepts of crime and punishment, or else this will make very little sense to you.