The New Cat on the Block

Well, well, well, guess who is the newest addition to the Rottweiler family? Me. That's right. The world's most gorgeous Maine Coon-slash-American Shorthair at your service. Yeah, you're wondering why they didn't adopt a Rottweiler when I'm a freaking cat? I was wondering the same thing just a second ago. But then, I remembered…CATS RULE!

So you're wondering what I'm doing here? I was sold; sold like a piece of meat on the market. Yup, it all started early this morning… (cue dreamy sounds)

It was a bright and sunny day. The birds (that live in the cages of Aisle 2) were singing beautiful ballads. Yes, it was just a fantabulous morning. Bob (the dude that runs the shop) gave us our breakfast and opened shop. After being stuffed with as much beef as I could eat, I laid down in my cage for a peaceful rest. I was just about to dream when my neighbor in the next cage, Loudmouth (European Burmese-slash-Russia Blue) woke me up saying some family was here to adopt a cat.

Acting cute ain't my cup of joe, but I decided, what the heck. So I got up, stretched and sat in my cage. I opened my eyes as wide as I can and stared at the people talking to Bob.

"Aw man, I have got the perfect cat for you. He's a gorgeous Main Coon with just a little of American Shorthair tint" I heard Bob say.

So then, the earthlings follow Bob all the way to my cage. I lick my paws and brush my facial fur back. I want to look decent. After finishing my little make-over, I look up and my eyes are staring into the brown eyes of a freckled face, red headed girl about ten years old. So I'm like, "She's not bad. Pretty cute." So I look up at her and make my eyes twinkle.

"Aww, isn't he just so cute" I heard the mom say. Now, she was a heavy lady let me tell you. She had the same red hair like her daughter but it just made her face look bigger.

The next thing I know, Bob's opening my cage. He takes me out and places me in the little girl's arms. Unlike her mother, she was skinny and petite. She cradled me and I purred.

"Daddy, can we have him…PLEEASSEEEE?" she asked in a squeaky voice.

The dad, a thin, balding, middle-aged man looked at me. "Honey, he's going to be a big responsibility."

"I know. I'll take care of him, I promise. PLEASSEEEE?"

"Oh alright. Bob, we'll take him" the dad replied.

"Excellent choice Mr. Rottweiler!" Bob exclaimed.

Now just hold on a whisker. Did he just say….ROTTWEILER?! So now I'm thinking. Do I really want to go with a family that is named after a dog? It would be a disgrace to my name. Lemme think: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So I'm clawing my way out of that little girl's arms. But she squeezes me tighter. So there I am in that redhead's arms trying to breathe.

The next thing I know, I'm packaged in a smaller cage and heading for the Rottweiler's car. 'Tis just a sad, sad world. No?

Alright, so here I am in my new home. 95 Lincoln Street. A quaint neighborhood. Not many dogs—that's good. To tell you the truth, this house ain't half bad. High ceilings, carpeting, very roomy if you ask me. Oh goody, the Rottweilers are back.

"What are you going to name him honey?" the mom asked as she tried to squeeze her gi-normous butt into a chair that was obviously too small for her size.

The redhead looked at me. "How about Muffin?"

MUFFIN?! How are you going to name such a fantastic cat like me Muffin?I stared at her with a blank look.

"No, he doesn't look much like a muffin…" the mom replied.

No mother dearest, but you sure do I thought to myself.

"How about Tiger?" the mother added after a minute of thought.

Yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about! Tiger! Living up to the feline name. Tiger, ferocious animals in the wild. RAWR!

I leaped into the girl's arms (hopefully) showing her I loved the name. The mother is big but I got to give her credit for such an awesome name.

"Aww! Tiger, you're so cute!" the freckled-face girl replied squeezing me.

H-hello…tr-ying to BREATHEEEEEE!