( A/N: This One-Shot was influenced by my own life. )
A Love That Never Was.
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Standing before him, Sadie stared openly into the blue eyes of her former lover. As her friends chatted amongst themselves, she couldn't remove her eyes from his. She hadn't seen him in over a month and for good reason, and yet she wanted to reach out for him.
Although she would deny it, she had missed him – his face, those eyes. She could feel the uneasy tension - a combination of anger and temptation.
He looked well, and her heart ached within her chest as he gave her that half smile of his. He was delighted to see her, least that's how it seemed leaving Sadie with those familiar feelings of hope.
She had ran this moment through her head, on the nights when she felt the most alone. What she would say, if anything. She had so many questions and no clear answers, not that she'd believe him anyway.
Then suddenly, he broke his silence.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute." He motioned his head farther down the sidewalk, away from the crowd that had began to line up at the bar's entrance.
Hesitating, she felt Leah staring her down as she reluctantly followed behind him. As he waited for her, they walked side by side away from the lights in silence.
Her eyes on the sidewalk, she didn't dare look up.
"It's good to see you again…" He said suddenly, his eyes ahead of him.
Staring out at the street, she crossed her arms over her chest and remained silent.
"You know I tried calling you…"
Feeling warmth crawl down her arms to her hands, she glanced at him. "I don't know why…" Sadie uttered, focusing her eyes back on the traffic.
"Because I missed you…" He raised his voice slightly. "Because we spent four years together and I still care about you, it's not something you can just forget."
Shaking her head, she felt her mouth fall open in disbelief. "So what then, the thing with Heather that was just a relapse in memory?"
"I was drunk Sadie. I was drunk." He repeated sternly.
"You weren't even suppose to be drinking."
"Oh I'm sorry, I broke the rules. I'm can only say I'm sorry so many times."
"Yeah well trying saying you're sorry and actually meaning it." She yelled at him, which made him look away.
"What Derek? Nothing to say?" Her voice cracked, holding back tears. "Come on, tell me another lie. We all know that's what your good at."
"I didn't wanna hurt you." He said in his defense, "That's the only reason why I lied. I knew you'd be pissed and I didn't want you to leave."
"And what you thought I'd never find out?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "She was my friend Derek, one of my good friends. How would I not find out?"
Shaking his head, he ran his hand through his hair. "I don't know…" He sighed, "I screwed up."
"Your damn right you screwed up."
"Sadie…" He grabbed her arm as she went to turn away. "If there is anything I could do to make it up to you I would…" He went on, pleading with her. "You name it, I'll do it."
When she looked up at him, his hand was still on her arm, his voice a comfort to her ears.
"Please, I can't stand not being with you…" He told her softly. "I just wanna work this out…"
In that instance, she lost herself in his eyes despite her anger. They were inches from each other, as his hand moved down her arm to her hand where he intertwined his fingers with hers.
Breathing shallow now, Sadie looked down at their hands, wanting herself to pull away. She had missed his touch; it was something she had ached for. "I miss you…" He uttered, causing her to look up at him. "So much…" His voice sounded sincere and his words made her whole body grow warm.
They're eyes locked once again; she could smell his cologne and feel his breath against her lips. Feeling his thumb caress her hand, he hesitated for a few seconds before their lips met. It was slow at first, soft and she could feel his tongue slither into her mouth for only a second, which only made the kiss deepen.
Disregarding everything around them, she ran her hands up his chest until her arms were around his neck. Feeling his hands take hold of her waist, he held her against him.
Feeling her heart pound against her chest, adrenaline ran through her veins. She couldn't get enough of him and nor could he. It was if the past month had never taken place, however the memories still weighed heavily on Sadie's mind.
The image of him and her – flashed into her mind, the familiar anger and hurt came rushing back at her all over again. The thought of him kissing her, just as he was kissing her now. The notion that he had touched her, held her and more importantly, that he had wanted too.
Suddenly, she stopped herself. "I can't do this…" She stepped out from his hold.
"What? Why?" He reached out for her hand, which she quickly yanked away.
"I'm not gonna do this…" She shook her head, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. She couldn't believe what she was saying and by the look of awe on his face, neither could he.
"What, your just gonna let four years together mean nothing?" He was defensive now.
Looking down at the sidewalk again, she felt the tears fall from her eyes down her, now warm cheeks.
"You always yelled at me for running away from things and here you are…" He threw up his hands, "You just don't wanna deal with this…and I know you wanna be with me…"
Closing her eyes, she remembered that tone well. But it was hard to forget. Playing with her fingers nervously, she finally looked back up at him as a silence lingered between them.
"Don't ruin this…" He trailed off, with penetrating eyes. "We can still be together Sadie, we can work this out. I won't drink, I won't go anywhere…" He rubbed her arms.
Feeling her lip begin to quiver, she wanted to believe him. Shaking her head slightly, she blinked away more tears. "You ruined this…." She cried, as he watched her intently.
"I know, I know I -."
"You ruined us when you chose to cheat…" She interrupted him.
"Sadie…" He watched her start to walk away.
Looking back to the sidewalk, she felt her knees buckle beneath her. Wiping her eyes with her hand, she prayed to God he wouldn't come running after her; and part of her didn't expect him too. Forcing herself to look up, she took a deep breath as her insides twisted and her heart grew weak.
She loved him, she would never deny.
Nevertheless, she had to make a choice; to be committed to a loveless relationship or accept that together, they could not make it. Not even all her love and devotion could save them from an unfortunate ending. That despite his never ending promises, his intent was not honorable… nor was his love.
She will learn to forgive herself for her mistakes and accept failure.
That despite her efforts, he never truly loved her…