For The Broken Hearted
Chances are you have suffered from a broken heart or know someone who has. Eventually everyone goes through it one way or another, despite how hard you try to avoid it. With all the technology today, you'd think they'd discover a cure for a broken heart. Although some of might enjoy that thought, it's completely unrealistic and most know this.
A few years ago I read in a magazine that the pain of a broken arm compares to the pain of a broken heart. Now, I don't know if there's any truth in that fact, but if there is least I'm prepared if happen to break my arm.
In eighteen years, I've dated a few guys – looking back I can remember the break ups, remember the "pity parties", calling my friends and bawling my eyes out. After a week or two, maybe three and a sappy chick flick I'd be back on my feet.
As I got older, it got harder, the relationships got more serious – and the broken hearts hurt more. Which makes logical sense, but it doesn't seem fair. Recently, I had a break up that was not easily overcome with chick flick and a gallon of ice cream.
Shortly after I started reading articles on love and broken hearts. I suppose I was looking for the "cure" or maybe just something to uplift my spirits. Well, I found neither of those. What I did find was that many articles referred to the 5 Stages of Grief.
At that moment, I hated the entire male species, couples made me nauseous and I was down right bitchy. I could've cared less about the 5 Stages of Grief; I didn't need to hear about grief, I felt miserable enough. Even if I wouldn't admit it.
After awhile, I read them over again.
Denial – "Maybe he still loves me." or "Maybe we can work it out."
Anger – "I F&$# hate him!" or "He's a F! Loser."
Bargaining – "Maybe if I apologize, we can get back together."
Depression – You feel like shit. You cry, you clean out the fridge.
Acceptance – You realize he was a S.O.B and you move on!
Then I read a small footnote, " You may go through these stages more than once." That was certainly no comfort for me, although I was pretty sure I had the anger stage down pat.
I was angry; I cursed his name and everything that he was. When in all reality, I wasn't as angry as I thought I was. I found that anger was easier than admitting that I was really sad.
Then I would have moments when I actually sad and over all miserable. When I say moments, sometimes it was an hour or maybe a couple of days. Then the guilt would come; I didn't want to feel sad or miserable, because it was a weakness. It was almost as if I was admitting defeat and letting him win.
And in turn, I was ignoring what I truly was feeling. I was sad. I was miserable. I was ignoring those feelings and not dealing with them.
Then I came over some tips on "How to Get Over Your Ex." At this point I was still pissed, miserable and I was more than willing to read someone's tips if it would help. Some of the tips were obvious – stay away from him, cut off all contact…blah, blah, blah, blah.
Thankfully, I had already done that, not because I wanted too, but because I needed too. Then they suggested, getting a box. At first I was like, "Wha? What the hell I need a box for?" Well, then I read further. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him – such as pictures, gifts, letters, and clothes.
I didn't agree with that nor could I possibly do that. I had dated him for awhile – I had a lot of stuff that was either his or that was some way connected to him. If I were to actually follow the advice I would need five box not just one.
Besides, throwing all that stuff in a box and shoving it away wasn't going to make me forget about him or what had happened. Too me, it was just a way to avoid the situation all together, when in all reality no matter how much you put away, it doesn't change what happened.
As I started to realize all this, I still was angry. But this time I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at myself. I had committed myself to him for practically four years. In that time I had betrayed my family friends and hurt myself too; and for nothing. Forgiving myself for all that I had done, not only to others but myself too, was difficult.
Along with the regrets, I am learning to accept that our relationship is…well, over. Even as I type that now, it's hard to believe after these past few years.
When you commit to someone, you usually give it your all – your love, your time, effort and what not. And when it's over, you come to point where you have to realize that, despite the effort you gave, it wasn't meant to be. It's no one's fault really, least not directly.
I know there's no "cure" for a broken heart. But maybe it helps those who can relate. Then again, maybe it doesn't. Take it as you wish, I guess.