All 'twas Fair on the Battle Fields until the Evil and Tyrannical Deity Rebecca captured and would have killed the Brave and Valiant Knight, Sir Charles Humperdinkle, if not for the thirty-four generations old armour gifted to the Humperdinkle Clan by the Mighty Wizard Xvvykjysomething unpronounceable yet mystical with no vowels.
However, the Great Deity Clare had Brilliant and Grand Designs for the Gallant Knight and so allowed him to Escape the Enemy Camp. While Rebecca was distracted by the Proper Preparation of Tea, the Knight, Brave and Valiant, returned to the Battle Fields under the Disguise of a Pawn. Though his Honour 'twas sore wounded by any Deception, he knew 'twas the Only Way.
From this Position the Gallant Sir Charles captured a Knight of the Opposing Army, though Rebecca with her Ideas Old and Staid refused to Credit the Move.
The Evil and Tyrannical Deity, Full of Wrath, descended on the Mighty of Armies of the Deity Clare – Great in her Wisdom, Creativity and Apple Pastries – and dispatched Three Pawns to her Prison Camps where They secretly began to Assemble a Fallen Rook to Aid their Escape.
The Black Queen of Rebecca – the Evil, Tyrannical and Fusty One – had gained a Position in the Sou'-East corner of Clare's Ranks and 'twas there set up by Another Knight whose Horse 'twas Skittish and careened toward the Black Queen. Another Knight, Wary and Watchful for Enemies had his Sword in his Hand and ran the Black Queen through. But because of Ideas Old and Staid, Rebecca refused Again to Believe that this Move had Come About and so resurrected her Black Queen.
The Great Clare tried to Convince this Undead Being to Join her Mighty Armies but Rebecca had woven Threads – Black, Wicked and Despotic – around the Heart of the Queen Too Tight to Break.
The Evil and Tyrannical Powers of Rebecca cast a Great Shadow over the Chess Plains causing the Mighty Armies of Clare to Tactfully Withdraw.
Fortunately, due to Lack of Consideration in Accommodation and Guards, the Great Deity Clare captured the King, Queen, and One Bishop of the Forces of Rebecca, at which the Cowardly Deity Turned Tail and Ran Like a Little Girl, Leaving her Armies to their Fate, thus granting Victory to the Great Deity Clare and her Allies.
The Three Pawns and their Reconstructed Rook kept Watch over the Defeated under the Direction of Sir Charles Humperdinkle, Once Again suited in Armour and reunited with his Good Steed. And the Conquering King and Queen held Grand Festivities to Celebrate their Complete Victory of Those so Foolish as to Contend with the Great, Wise and Creative Deity Clare.