Deep, in the darkest depths of Mount Doom, there arose a force so powerful that it had to be locked away forever. Ages went by, this force was too powerful to be named by any mortal. A terror to great to be branded with a name. One day, one warrior faced this evil face to face and learned of the spirit's true identity. Philip. Philip the Dangerous Smiley.

The evil smiley was banished to the darkest depths of the deepest void. Too powerful to live among the puny humans, it was locked away so that it could never terrorize the world of the living…

It wasn't until millions of years later on that dreaded, awful day that Philip found a way back. He waited across the centuries. Thinking…planning…waiting, until the opportunity finally arose.

"Yes…Yes!" he shouted with a laugh that was too evil to be heard by human ears.

"Internets, lol…"

It was a pretty typical afternoon. Jessie sat on her computer, browsing the internet for whatever cool things she could find.

"Well this is interesting," she thought to herself. She had found a custom set of smile's on a certain website. She couldn't pass this up, they were just too cool looking! She immediately downloaded them and was ready to go.

"Philip," she said to herself. That was the name of the smiley set.

Soon after, her roomate Lisa came home from work.

"Hey! Hey Leese….you gotta check this out! I found these really cool smileys today!"

"Really? What was the site? Maybe I'll check it out."

"Well its right here at this website…huh…well that's funny…" Jessie couldn't find the website again.

"Well it doesn't seem to be here anymore…"

"Weird," Lisa said, shrugging it off as she walked into her bedroom.

Thinking nothing more of it, Jessie went back to the AIM conversation she had been having with her friend, Jose.

"Hey Jessie…" Jose typed.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Have you noticed that my smileys are gone?"


"Well scroll up. I sent you some happy faces up there…they seem to have just…vanished."

Jessie did as she was told. It was true, they seemed to have just disappeared.

"Weird," she responded.

"Hey what the!" Jose sent back.

"What's up?"

"Hey …whdjfklasdfkl"

"What are you doing?"

Suddenly Jose sent Jessie the same smiley that she had downloaded earlier.

"Hey you have that too! I just got it today!"

Jose responded only with, "::Chomp Chomp:: ::Burrrrrp::

"You're weird," Jessie thought, getting up from the computer.

Reagin sat at the bar, alone. He was the last true mercenary left. Alone in the world. All alone except for Becky. Without her…he might have gone insane years ago. All the regulars at the bar knew Reagin. Not his name of course. But they knew the dirty, unshaven man who sat in the corner of the bar. His dark aura…his cold personality, the haggard and torn clothes that were a testament to the life and death situations he had been in. No one had the courage to talk to him, yet they all had an unspoken respect, even a fear of the man before them.

Jessie heard a quick yelp and a thump in the next room.

Jessie only laughed, "Lisa must have fallen off of her bed again. She decided she'd walk in and see if Lisa was okay.

When she entered the room, she was taken aback. It was Philip! Standing at about three feet tall. Lisa was no where to be found.

Philip stared at her for a few seconds before ushering an obnoxious burp. As he did so, he noticed Lisa's pink sock come flying out of his mouth and hitting the floor.

Immediately, Jessie knew that she should have been more afraid than she was. But after all, Philip was her smiley now…this could prove very useful. Besides, Lisa was kind of obnoxious, anyway.

Then she had another thought. That's probably what had happened to Jose, too!

"You're a hungry little guy, aren't ya?" she said to the smiley that sat before her.

"Come on, lets go get you some food…"

Clearly this wasn't a very good day for Jessie's ex-boyfriends.

Month's went on and Jessie became drunk with the power. Armed with Philip, she was unstoppable! World leaders begged for mercy at her feet.

Everything was going great…until that awful day when Philip escaped. Jessie ran out to capture him again and possibly save the world by doing so. However, when she walked outside, she realized that it was too late. What she saw was a nightmarish world of terror, the cause of which…was Philip the Dangerous Smiley.

All around him, people were frantically evacuating the city. Reagin knew that he would have to keep his cool. He saved the world before and damnit, he could do it again! It wasn't hard to see what was filling these people's hearts with fear and dread. A ten foot smiley was barreling down Broad Street, devouring everything in it's path.

"Alright Smiley McJones. Let's dance."

As if giving him an answer, he heard a voice ring out.

"That was really cheesey!" some random, fleeing pedestrian yelled out.

The bullets were bouncing off of him like crumbs off of stale bread. The police, the national guard, nothing was working against this thing. He simply rolled on down the street, his massive body smushing all of the poor bastards that happened to be in his way. Was there anything that could stop this demon?

"Where is that girl? Isn't she supposed to control this thing! What happened to her?!

"It probably ate her or something…God help us all…"

After taking care of the army, the only thing now standing in his way, he continued his merciless onslaught.

Gulp. Gulp Gulp. He was very hungry. First he caught up to one fleeing victim. Then another. Then another. "Burrrrp."

She was frantically running down the street. For some reason, she thought that she could get away. Everyone else had been caught by the monster but she felt that she would be different.

She ran down the street, as if no one else had tried that already. And then predictably enough, "chomp."

Reagin watched as the chaotic masses ran around like ants. Fools. They would never outrun that thing. The only option was to fight back. Fight as he was about to.

Then, just as he was preparing to fight…he saw her.

Becky. There she was, running down the street. For a second, amidst this awful sight, he was caught up in her beauty. Frozen in his love for her.

He watched as…::gulp::

In the middle of his reminiscing, he noticed that Becky was just swallowed whole by the monster outside.

Suddenly, a hatred more passionate than any art work, more refined than any skill, grew behind his dark, emotionless eyes.

The unsheathing of his sword made the sound of a shrill cry in the night.

He rushed out into the street, ready to face his opponent.

He lifted his sword and….::squash::

Not really even looked at Reagin, Philip rolled over him and moved on.


"Well. It's just me and you now, Philip," Jessie looked around at the barren wasteland that her home planet had become.

Philip had eaten everybody…like…seriously…everybody.

"So what do we do now?" Jessie looked over to see that Philip was staring at her with a sneaky grin.

"Oh no…come on…I " ::gulp::

As Jessie disappeared into the gaping mouth of her smiley, Philip's work was done.