I wish I could explain how I feel;

the words I want to say.

I want to cry deep, long rivers of tears.

enough tears to flood the world

and wipe away everything.

It could all start over,

anew, clean slate.

I could be happy…

maybe.

I want to run forever;

run to the edges of the earth-

perhaps drop off.

The problems would be far behind.

No more worrying,

no more hiding,

no more denying.

I could float in space,

carefree,

Away from everything.

I want to sleep for days;

weeks, years maybe.

Slip into a deep coma.

I would dream a thousand dreams;

think a thousand thoughts.

Good thoughts.

Nothing like reality.

When I woke up, things would be different.

They would still love me,

still be here for me.

They would miss me.

I want to just sit and talk.

Let them know how I feel.

Pour out all my feelings and be comforted;

be told, "everything's going to be okay, trust me."

I would freeze time-

stay in that moment forever.

Stay in their presence,

in their arms,

in their love.

I would never want to leave.

I would want to die there,

being safely guarded from all else,

being held in the sweet arms of an Angel.

I want that special feeling.

Again…

still…

But I won't.

I've had my chances,

had my care and trust.

It's over.

I can't trust anymore.

That's why it's hard…

to explain how I feel

and the words I want to say.