Binding Me
by: trista groulx

When I felt the binds,
I wanted to scream
But the gag was already in its place,
Tightened tight to silence the cries
As I tried to escape the bind,
The more valiantly I struggled,
The tighter felt bound
Like a Chinese finger trap,
Placed all around my body
My screams were lost
For the gag hid well the sound
Even as the tears they flowed,
No one could see the restraints
For the gag hid well the sound
Even as the tears they flowed,
No one could see my restraints
For they were in the mind
And those are the tightest knots
For the person who tied them,
I discovered had been myself
By my own hand I laid bound
By my own hand I had been gagged
Those around see only unexplained tears
For most only know tears of sorrow
Most will never see tears of anguish
For this is a deeper kind of sadness
This is a most intense feelings,
Then any most will have to feel
For you have no control
As your body's chemicals rage,
You become its victim
Trapped somewhere in your mind
A dark recess you feared to find
It is a sickest kind of trap
For you know you hold the key,
And the lock simply won't budge
As you try everything you can try
While using all of your might
Still you feel it always there
Omnipresent, keeping you bound
As you try the same trick
Over and, over and, over again,
By definition it is insanity
And crazy is what you feel
While the world refuses to see
No one will acknowledge
The sickness binding me
As much as I valiantly struggled
The bind always bound me tighter
And there is only so much fight left within
The struggle made me tire
But I had to just trudge on
Like Marley and his chains
It feels like an eternity
All the while still living
Refusing to take that drastic step
Still struggling, still breathing
With no answer, to why you are bound
You just cannot escape
These were once my binds
And it was one my gag
Which can entrap anyone
While the world is blind
To exactly what the disease is
That it is a real disorder
Which keep you so low
You feel you'll never escape
And the time spent sick
Is lost for you forever more
That is a monstrous affliction
Which has a face and a name
Which is muddled with a feeling
Both called depressed
But they are two very different problems
And most cannot see the difference
Between only a saddest of sorrow
And the disease which binds you wholly
Which once bound me completely
Until I was forced to fight myself
You must loosen the bind
Then remove the gag
And tell the world of the ordeal
So others may understand
It is the hardest kind of struggle
Which you must fight alone
Which will be won by your own hand
The win becomes the strength to keep going
So I will be free again
So I can tell the world