11Okay, this update only took 13 months. In case you haven't realized, I have a very short attention span. So short, in fact, I astound myself by being able to finish this intro to explain how short my attention span is.
Chapter 6 or Something
Promotions
So, you've got a job that everyone's pretty sure you're working at. And there's no where else to go, but up. Why? Because working minimum wage is depressing, but look on the bright side, you're not a fry cook. And you get your own cubicle.
But aren't you dreaming of an office? And an army of underlings to boss around and force to obey your every whim? Aren't you dreaming of slowly collecting power until you achieve world domination?! Or getting an extra ten cents an hour. Either way.
But then you sit up and realize 'Shit! You shouldn't have this job in the first place? How the hell are you gonna get an army of underlings/ ten cents an hour/ large quantities of nuclear weapons to overthrow the UN?' And that's when you remember this guide that's been neglected for so, so long.
So ya wanna get a promotion, eh?
Well, you're not gonna get it at this rate. It's time to lie!
By now, you should have gained all the skills of a good liar: thinking on the spot, loving the sound of your own voice, and being able to genuinely believe the completely impossible.
So what to lie about? You have a few options.
1- You are an ancient, long since forgotten God. In fact, everything that has ever happened in the history of the world is from you. And you can take it away! PROMOTE ME! OR I WILL DESTROY YOU! In case you forgot, people obey you when you're loud. I'll prove it. REVIEW DAMN YOU! REVIEW. I NEED SELF ESTEEM!
2- "No Boss, I never lied to you really. All that stuff about the embezzlement/ sudden disappearance of $52,000,000, that wasn't me. Really. I have the IQ of a squirrel. It was Harold. Go blame Harold. Really, and the world domination file, that's Harold's too. Go get him arrested."
3- "No Mr. Judge, I never lied to you really. All that stuff about the embezzlement/ sudden disappearance of $52,000,000, that wasn't me. Really. I have the IQ of a squirrel. It was Harold. Go blame Harold. Really, and the world domination file, that's Harold's too. Go get him arrested."
Okay, right now you're probably thinking 'why did I listen to this stupid guide? It didn't even explain how to embezzle the money. Stupid book, with its legal propaganda, kind of, and it's lack of explanation of how to hack complicated computer programs and set up offshore accounts and make deals with drug lords and stuff'. But don't give up hope. We've got you covered.
Stay tuned for chapter 7-ish. How to break out of prison. If I remember to update. If not, just hang tight. You may have served your time, even. Hard to contemplate even, something legal. Wow… really makes you think.