He stood staring down the cliff. In one instant it would be over. Just jump and it would be over. Just jump. If he jumped he would no longer be a failure. It would be so easy.
God's shepherd stood looking to end it all. If the congregation knew the sins that he had committed. He remembered all the sermons he taught about God's unfailing love, yet forgiveness never seemed so far away.
A cold wind bit through his jacket. The cloudy day hid the warmth of the sun. Dead trees swayed in the despairing wind. The forest that would usually be lush with green life in the bright sun, now stood cold and dead. It would be the perfect day to die. Once upon a time the Pastor was lush and green. He had praised God with all the energy and life that was in him. Now he felt as cold and dead as the forest in the early winter.
The Pastor stared down the rocky cliff. He wondered where it started. When he was a boy he first got hooked by the deadly snare. His older brother brought home a video, and he happened to see it when his brother wasn't paying attention. Since then it was a habitual problem. From the internet to the movie store, the young pastor couldn't get away from it.
He thought it would get better when he got married. It didn't. He thought the problem would go away when he became a Pastor. It didn't. At age thirty-one he was still in the same sin as when he was when he was fourteen. Every time he did it he cried out to God for forgiveness. He tried repenting time and time again. He would fight for a week, a month, once he even got half a year without falling, yet he would always fall, and every time he fell, he fell harder. Soon it got to the point when he didn't want to get up when he fell. He had no one to talk to. Everyone came to him with their problems, yet he could go to no one with his.
God's shepherd stared down the cliff. "Just jump." A small voice said in the back of his mind. "You are so tired of being hurt. You are so tired of betraying your God and your wife, and your little boy. Just jump and they won't be hurt anymore. You won't fall anymore. No one will miss a pastor that couldn't even control his lust. Just jump and make everyone happy." The voice said.
Tears filled the Pastor's eyes. "Father, I am sorry. Daddy, forgive me." The cold wind was the only answer he heard.
"God has left you. He doesn't want to look at his servant that failed. You are worthless to Him. Why would He spend time answering a pathetic weakling like yourself. God has abandoned you. No, you have abandoned God." The voice said cutting deep into the pastor.
Falling to his knees the pastor wept. "God, forgive me. I am so sorry God. I hurt so badly, Father. I hurt so badly. I need to be rescued. God, I need you to rescue me. Father, comfort your son. Father, hold me in your arms, like you once did. Forgive your son. Forgive your servant. Father Jesus, I am sorry. I have failed you. I need you. Daddy…" Sobs choked off the rest of his prayer.
Through tearstained eyes, he caught sight of something, a simple flower. It was a forget-me-not. The small flower was the only color on the cliff. The Pastor picked the flower and brushed some of the dirty snow off. The deep blue flower had sprouted in the dead of winter. In a forest of death, a single piece of beauty still remained.
A voice, nothing more then a whisper of the wind, so soft and subtle that it could easily have been missed, echoed in his head. The voice was warm and full love. It gave his soul energy and spirit. "Beloved, I am here. My blood is enough to heal you. You are my beloved servant, who I died for. I love you so much I died for you. Stand up one more time. Stand against the attacks that my enemy throws at you. I am your shield and armor. Stand with me once more. No matter what you do, I will always be there for you. I love you."
Snow started to fall lightly. The cliff stood above a dying forest. A bitter wind blew hard. In this picture of cold death, a pastor knelt with tears in his eyes. His voice was louder then the wind that seemed to cut right to the bone. His song echoed through the forest, a song so full of life and praise. "Amazing Grace…"