Falling Away

At one in the morning, darkness had settled completely in the city with no natural light from the moon since the sky was completely covered with clouds that refused to let the orb shine. Without the moon shining down on the streets, there was only the light that the street lamps, the few cars on the street that were still driving, and from the windows of buildings where the lights were still on. Even with so many lamps and edifices that were illuminating the city, it wasn't quite enough for those few that were walking around in the dark. Unlike those who were in their vehicles driving, those who were walking didn't have two constant beams of light in front on them. Unlike those who were in buildings, those who were walking didn't have a hallway with burning bulbs that made things clear and bright as day as they moved and worked.

Tree branches and leaves blew in the soft wind that passed through the trees and bushes, causing soft moans and whispers from the plants. The wind didn't blow through and past everything frequently though; it was an occasional and rare thing that happened. Since it was autumn, with and without every gust of wind, golden leaves landed on the ground and flew around in small tornadoes on the sidewalk, streets, and grass. They flew around in flocks together into open windows, open doors, and anything else that allowed them entrance to the foreign world on the interiors of houses, buildings, and cars instead of remaining outside. Some of those who were inside when the leaves entered didn't seem to care and just shrugged their shoulders while continuing what they had been doing before while others got upset that their concentration was broken or because they had even more to clean.

In addition to the sounds of the wind rustling the leaves and branches, soft pants could be heard as one female ran down the street, her eyes wide and frightened. With a quick look to the left, she bolted out into the street even though she had failed to look to the right and had people honking at her to get out of the street and back onto the sidewalk. It was as if she had closed her ears off to every sound that was surrounding her and was filling everyone else's ears. Her feet pounded on the ground as she kept running, that being the only thing that she could hear as her breathing matched her steps. There was nothing that was going to stop her until she got to her wanted destination, but that thought soon fled her head as the screeching of tires drowned out the pounding of her feet.

"Get your ass on the sidewalk, you idiot!"

Turning, the female held a look that reminded the person in the car of a deer caught in the headlights of a car. Just like she currently was. That first thought of her soon left his mind as a look of anger soon crossed her features and her lips pulled back into a snarl, her teeth bared. Seconds of the stare down turned into minutes and as the time stretched out longer and the driver was caught off guard, the female slammed her fists against the hood of the car. The snarl disappeared and a grin spread across her face, her fists still embedded in the hood of the car—which she deemed a piece of crap—as the stare down continued.

With a shake of her head, the female took her hands away from the hood of the car and placed them on her hips, fists clenched loosely as she did this. Her chocolate brown hair was pulled back into a clip with pieces of it out and framing her face because they were too short to stay into the clipped bun at the back of her head. Laughing gently, she once again shook her head before she let her arms fall limply to her sides, almost as if she was getting ready to leave the poor driver alone and let the both of them continue on their way. The next move that she made got the driver to let out the breath that he had unknowingly been holding and go to take his car out of park and put it back into drive, but before he could get his foot off of the break and back on the peddle, the female was at his window. As she grinned and motioned for him to roll his window down all of the way, she crossed her arms over chest and leaned against where the driver's side door closed and latched with the rest of the car.

Almost as though he had no control over his body, the driver rolled down the window, the cocky and smug look that he had been carrying on his face quickly disappearing. It was replaced with a look of fear that was mingled with uncertainty, obviously making it known that he had no clue as to why he was following the orders that were being dealt to him. Usually he was the one giving the orders and was never following them; he had never had experience with being told what to do and the fact that he knew it was probably bad to come up with some sarcastic comeback surprised him to no end. The girl had to be no older than nineteen, so why was he so afraid of insulting her again? Now that he had seen her standing up close to him and knew that she wouldn't hesitate to start a fight with him, he knew that it would be a very bad idea to mock her. How he had come to that conclusion based off of how she carried herself, he'd never know. Never once before had he gotten the same feeling that he had gotten when her expression changed to drastically from frightened to angry.

"Look, Mr. Big Executive," she said with a sneer, her voice full of sarcasm since she really didn't see the male as that big of a person. She was used to seeing people who were more menacing in power, so when she saw this person carrying himself and acting as though he was on top of the world, it made the female laugh as she rolled her eyes to herself. "I don't care if you think that you can get away with insulting people that you don't know or think that you have control over everyone. I don't care if you're pissing yourself because you're shocked that someone would actually stand up to you like I am. What I do care about though is the fact that you think that you'll get away with insulting me like you did. For your information, I have every right to be in the middle of the street if I'd like to be. It's a free country after all, isn't it?" Raising a brow, a grin tugged at the corners of her lips as she took a hold of the male's chin into her hands, staring down into his eyes with a fire that she had never before shown anyone. The pause that followed her question grew longer until she finally gave up on getting a response from the male and tossed his chin out of her hand before she turned on her heel and walked off.

"Be sure not to cross anyone else that's in withdrawal; they won't be as kind as I was," she called out over her shoulder as she waved her hand in dismissal to the driver, who quickly hit the gas and sped down the street to continue home.

As soon as the toes of her left foot hit the curb, the female was off in a run down the sidewalk towards the park, her chocolate colored eyes staying on the destination instead of moving around to see where she was. If she let her orbs drift around the area, she would see the streetlamps flickering as their light bulbs began to die as well as the lamps that were living with light bulbs that no longer worked and hadn't for several days; she would have found herself being suffocated by the darkness. The irrational fear of the sinister night that she had had always kept her from going out in the middle of the night and when there was very little light to keep the feeling of being smothered in darkness away, but the need for something that made that feeling go away always won her over. She had always argued with herself about leaving the house at one in the morning, but the more that she thought over what she was going to get, the more that she wanted to leave so that she could get what she wanted. Even with her phobia of the darkness and the heightened hearing that seemed to get when she was completely shrouded in darkness, her want—her need—always won her over. It was always the deciding factor in what she did and she hated that it had so much control in her life.

It was as though she was addicted. At least that's what she told herself whenever the thought of possibly being an addict passed through her head; it just seemed completely impossible to her that she could rely so much on something as small as a drug. Besides, she had decided to give the powder up and to try and live a normal life again, so there was no way that she could still have that unquenchable need to see the world swirling around her in vivid colors or to feel as though she was flying and literally on top of the world.

No matter how often the thought of being addicted and the reasons why passed through her head, she always brushed it off with a forced and nervous laugh before she come up with false reasons that said that she wasn't addicted. It just seemed funny to her whenever she heard herself say that she missed being so dizzy that she puked when she stood up and how she missed all of the colors that swarmed around her and made her giggle. Why in the world would anyone miss puking from dizziness? It seemed almost uncanny that she did in fact find herself missing the burning in her throat as her stomach acids came up and burned her esophagus. Maybe what she really missed was the way that her best friend held her hair back as she bent over the toilet bowl and made sure that she was all right until she fell over in a fit of laughter over the mess that was being made. The attention that she got was more than likely the reason that she missed getting high and stoned because now that she was attempting to be sober, she got no attention. No one cared about her anymore because she had been deemed no fun and the one person who ruined a good party when it was started. And just because she had decided not to partake in any of the drugs that were being offered to her.

A nervous laugh came from her that seemed as though it was almost mingled with a sob although she wasn't even close to crying. She didn't understand why she had lost all of her friends over something as small as one word, but she had and now she was missing them more than she had expected to. They were the reason that she had even started using and they were the reason that she found herself wanting to go back to it because all that she wanted was the love, attention, and affection that she got from them when she was stoned. The attention was what she missed—at least that's what she kept telling herself, but it become more and more obvious that she didn't just miss the attention; that she missed the drugs and the feeling of not being able to think straight, but at the same time being able to. As that thought passed through her head, she found herself uncertain of all of the lies that she had told herself about how she wasn't addicted; about how it was just the withdrawal talking. Now she knew. Now she knew that she was in fact addicted and couldn't function without it like she had been trying to do.

Her wanted destination soon came up and she found herself running faster than before for one specific part of the park, her hope that the person that she was looking for would be there when she made it there. The sound of blades of grass crunching beneath her feet filled her ears and blocked every sound other than her breathing out, keeping her mind focused on how the grass seemed to be louder than it should have been. She found herself almost completely lost with how things were and confused as to the reason why she had so much focus on the grass. It wasn't as though the grass was really all that important to her right now, but it was the only thing that was keeping her mind off of everything else that was flying through her head at the speed of light.

Soon enough, she had finally forced the sound of the grass away and it had completely disappeared from her hearing to be the normal, soft sound that filled everyone else's ears instead of the deafening noise that it had been for her. Mentally, she thanked everything that was considered holy for finally being able to leave her mind blank as she kept running, her eyes locked onto a set of trees not but a hundred yards away. The gap quickly closed, but it seemed as though it was only increasing instead of decreasing for her; it was as if every step that she took kept her the same distance—if not farther—than the last step that she had taken. Tightly shutting her eyes, she let out a desperate whimper as she kept running, her eyes shooting open when she felt the grass disappear beneath her feet and get replaced with dirt and rock.

She had finally made it.

A smile lightly tugged at the corners of her lips as she gently shook her head and leaned forward, hands placed on her knees while she tried to catch her breath before she continued on her journey. As soon as she had caught her breath, she stood up straight and walked towards a part in several trees to where several dark silhouettes stood, quickly exchanging wads of cash and bags filled with all kinds of different substances. Her eyes lowered as she pushed herself between the people, waiting for the few to leave before she got her chance to quickly explain herself for being gone for so long, but she knew that she'd never get that chance. Groaning softly to herself, she slipped out the bit of money that she had in her pockets and approached the alpha male with the funds held weakly and loosely in her hand.

Uneasily, she pushed some locks of hair in front of her face to keep the male now in front of her and looking her over from recognizing her and laughing at her for even trying to quit. But he had been able to distinguish who she was faster than she had been able to hide her identity and had been laughed at after the immediate detection had passed through his brain. It was a simple laugh that wasn't harsh or hurtful, but the female couldn't help but cringe at it.

"I knew that you'd be back," he said as he slipped the money out of her hand and put a small bag of powder into her anxious and awaiting hand. It was all that he had said before he turned and walked away, counting through all of the cash that had been handed to him to make sure that he did have the right amount for all that he had sold that evening. There was no last look over his shoulder as he told himself that he had one more customer again and that was the last thought that he had about her before he continued on his business and forgot all about the lone female.

Slowly, her eyes lowered from the male's retreating back to the small bag that was sitting in her hands, her fingers softly running along the smooth material of the container and gently pressing the powder between her nails. With a small sigh, she shook her head and turned out of the patch of trees that she was standing in and walking towards a picnic table that was several yards from her standpoint, tossing herself onto the bench when she reached the area. Quickly glancing around the park, she pulled out a folded sheet of paper from her pocket along with a dollar bill and then poured a small line of powder on top of the paper, her fingers working quickly to roll the dollar bill up. She swallowed roughly as she lowered her head, the bottom of the bill at the beginning on the line and the top by her nose. Without a second thought, she began to snort up the powder, the bill following along the disappearing line until nothing remained on the sheet of paper.

She was gone and she knew that she was completely addicted. Nothing would bring her down now.