Mental Suicide

I'm doing it again.

I swear, it's like I'm obsessed with harming myself;

That is, the self that resides within,

not my outside skin.
.;.

I can't stop thinking of you,

I can't forget.

But for a while I put you aside,

Then I find you in

those little reminders of you around me.
.;.

I seek them out myself; I look for you in everything.

The thought of you hurts me.

I wish you were gone,

so these tears wouldn't have to come.
.;.

You are so close, yet so far.

I reach out to you, though I am forbidden.

Do you see these secret feelings inside?

Or have you already given up?
.;.

Over and over, I think of you.

But it's not likeā€¦ I love you.

.;.

It hurts so much to think like this,

That I can not have you.

It hurts so much, and I fall into these fitful spells,

because I've missed out on so much already.
.;.

I do this to myself, it's my own fault!

But, I can't help but think

that if my friends didn't intrude,

I could be happy,

with you!
.;.

If it hurts so much to think like this,

why do I let myself do this?

Tears rapidly fall from my eyes;

I can never have you.
.;.

A wall stands between you and I,

But how can I defy,

When deep in my heart I know

That I would choose my friends over you every time;

for I can not lose them.
.;.

But I can't help but remember the excitement,

the joy that I had when you asked me, me

To the dance

I can't help to remember the good times we have

I can't help but enjoy the feeling of being in your arms, as you spun me around.

I can't help but like the feeling of being at your side,

I can't help but want to be yours, for real.
.;.

But the truth is, it's just suicide to think like this.

It only succeeds in depressing me,

making me think of what will never be,

what cannot be.
.;.

I feel stagnant, useless, unable to rise from his reverie.

It hurts, and I can't be freed.

I am trapped by you, and it's forcing me closer

to this inevitable mental suicide.
.;.

.;!Insano!;.