Mental Suicide

I'm doing it again.

I swear, it's like I'm obsessed with harming myself;

That is, the self that resides within,

not my outside skin.

I can't stop thinking of you,

I can't forget.

But for a while I put you aside,

Then I find you in

those little reminders of you around me.

I seek them out myself; I look for you in everything.

The thought of you hurts me.

I wish you were gone,

so these tears wouldn't have to come.

You are so close, yet so far.

I reach out to you, though I am forbidden.

Do you see these secret feelings inside?

Or have you already given up?

Over and over, I think of you.

But it's not likeā€¦ I love you.


It hurts so much to think like this,

That I can not have you.

It hurts so much, and I fall into these fitful spells,

because I've missed out on so much already.

I do this to myself, it's my own fault!

But, I can't help but think

that if my friends didn't intrude,

I could be happy,

with you!

If it hurts so much to think like this,

why do I let myself do this?

Tears rapidly fall from my eyes;

I can never have you.

A wall stands between you and I,

But how can I defy,

When deep in my heart I know

That I would choose my friends over you every time;

for I can not lose them.

But I can't help but remember the excitement,

the joy that I had when you asked me, me

To the dance

I can't help to remember the good times we have

I can't help but enjoy the feeling of being in your arms, as you spun me around.

I can't help but like the feeling of being at your side,

I can't help but want to be yours, for real.

But the truth is, it's just suicide to think like this.

It only succeeds in depressing me,

making me think of what will never be,

what cannot be.

I feel stagnant, useless, unable to rise from his reverie.

It hurts, and I can't be freed.

I am trapped by you, and it's forcing me closer

to this inevitable mental suicide.