Kaiser and I were watching a movie later that day, when the doorbell rang and my mother went completely wild in the hallway.

Obviously enough from my mother's craziness; River was here.

I rolled my eyes in irritation.

I didn't know who I was irritated on, though. Could be my mother, could be River, could even be Kaiser or the thought of the two of them together.

It was probably my mother this time though…

She absolutely loves River…! And she scares the shit out of him, but I think he's gotten more used to her lately.

River entered the living room together with my mom, and I glanced wryly at Kaiser and saw that he had totally lightened up. River really worked miracles with my brother…! I have never seen Kaiser as happy in my whole life as he is when he's with River.

I'm really glad River is in Kaiser's life, that they're dating and happy together, but seeing them having it so nice together and being so lovely and cosy and caressing just reminds me of how my own love life is totally screwed up…

"Are you hungry, River?" My mother asked her oldest son's boyfriend. "I'm making dinner now, and these two," she waved towards me and Kaiser in the sofa, "has ordered their meal in here. You want to eat together with them?"

"That would be nice," River smiled friendly. "If it's not any trouble…"

Always so prudent, I thought to myself and turned my eyes back to the TV.

"Oh, it's no trouble at all!" My mother exclaimed and then disappeared into the kitchen.

River dropped down on the couch, next to Kaiser, and they hugged and kissed and whispered to each other for a little while.

I think I'm gonna get sick… Fuck, get over that sugar-sweet behaviour! It makes me wanna puke…

I shoved all my appearing thoughts back in my brain and tried to focus on the movie we were watching. But then I registered that the hero and the heroin was bloody kissing there too, and I felt like drowning myself.

I wanted to snap at them, but I didn't. I liked River, he's nice, a little dense, but absolutely nice. And Kaiser was happy. When Kaiser was happy I was happy. His life haven't been the best, even worse than my fucked up one, and for once he is smiling and laughing and he care so much for River that he would do anything to please him.

If Kaiser's life has gotten so good, then I can see a little hope for my own. I can't see one for Hunter's though… He's just a cheating ass and that's what he'll always be. Maybe someday, I'll find someone else. Someone who doesn't cheat… Someone who loves me.

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hands and yawned.

I was tired, I wanted to go to bed, but I had promised Hunter I would go to that damn party. I was toying with the thought of not going, though. Not going and not telling him that I wasn't coming. Let him know how it felt to be rejected.

Though I guess he wouldn't feel like that for long. He would find himself someone else to fool around with, and then I would be forgotten.

I crossed my arms over my chest and sank deeper down in the sofa.

I didn't want to think like that; it just depressed me or got me really, really pissed, or sometimes both. And for me to being depressed and pissed… That really isn't a good mixing.

Now I'm just pissed. He annoys me so damn much; I just want to strangle him!

There I did it again. Thinking of him. I had told myself when I walked home from school that day that I wouldn't!

That fucking bastard is even ruining my day when he isn't around…

My mother came into the living room again, ripping me out of my thoughts, carrying plates, glass and cutlery. She placed it on the table in front of us and then she rushed into the kitchen again to get the food.

"Here you go, Kinder," she said after setting a casserole in front of us. She had made shepherd's pie. Both Kaiser's and my own favourite of all her home cooked meal. Even Kaiser ate a lot when she made that for us.

"Thank you, Mrs. Schwartz," River said and gave my mother a friendly smile. I swear, I could almost see my mother melt.

"Oh, that Mrs. talk makes me sound old," she said with a laugh. "Please, call me Kathryn."

"Sure thing, Mrs. Schwartz," River said with a wryly smile. "Consider it done."

My mother laughed and waltzed out of the living room again, leaving me alone with the two love birds. Well, I guess that's better than having here in here. She's just acting so damn girlish when River's here. He really has charmed her, hasn't he?

"I think my mother loves you," Kaiser suddenly said and leaned into his boyfriend with a smile. "I've gotten some competition."

"Don't you worry," River said with a laugh. "You don't have anything to worry about! You can knock anyone to the ground!" He tilted his head to the side and they kissed lightly again.

I swear I saw some tongue in that one!

Okay, I take what I said back! Mother, please come back here and save me!

She didn't hear my thoughts, though, or she didn't want to listen to them, because she didn't waltz back in here through the door.

"Are you two going to the party tonight?" I asked them just to get their thoughts over to something other than kissing.

"Nah," River said. "We found out that we rather would spend the night together, just the two of us." He threw an arm around Kaiser's shoulders, and my brother giggled and blushed lightly, burying his face in the crook of River's neck.

"Yep, we're going over to River's later, where we will get some more privacy," he mumbled into his boyfriend's skin.

A little, reluctantly smile broke forth on my lips. It was kind of nice to see those two together; they were extremely cute. I bet they'll stay together forever.

I really miss having a caring, loving and not-cheating boyfriend. I had one in Germany, but that ended pretty quickly when he…

I cut of my thoughts. Don't think about that! Don't think about that, stop it, stop it, don't think about that ever again, my thoughts messed over and over.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a little while, calming down my breathing that had gotten heavier only by my thoughts brushing those memories.

When I opened my eyes again, I noticed that Kaiser was looking wryly at me. He bit his lower lip, and I read the concern in his eyes, but he didn't say anything. Something I was very grateful for.

I grabbed my plate, filled it with food, and then shuffled it in me in a hurry.

I saw Kaiser's eyebrows narrowing, but I was staring down at my food, refusing to meet his eyes.

When I had gotten all the food on the plate in me I stood up from the couch, mumbled something unintelligible to the two who was still sitting, and then rushed into the kitchen and dropped the plate in the sink.

Then I ran up to the second floor and into the bathroom.

I splashed some cold water in my face, wiped myself with a towel, and then leaned on the counter and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked terrible.

Really terrible; I was worn out, I had dark rings under my eyes, my eyes themselves were dim and lifeless.

If I was going to that damn party, I seriously had to wear makeup.

Good thing I was used to wearing make up to hide this side of me. I was often like this, tired and had dark rings under my eyes, and I always cowered it up with makeup so no one could see it on me and start to get worried.

I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I closed the door orderly behind me, and staggered to my bed where I dropped down; sprawled over it on my stomach and buried my face in my pillow.

"I don't want to go to the party," I groaned. "I doesn't fucking want to be Hunter's playtoy anymore…"

I hate him. I swear, I really do hate him…!

I growled, grabbed one of the pillows I hadn't buried my face in, and pressed it down over my head and held it in place with my hands.

Okay, maybe I lied… I like him, I really can't do anything about it, but some times…

Sometimes I do hate him…

Author's note: Kapitel zwei finished!:) This is just a filler chapter… It builds up to the real thing!:) But you got to know more of Kael's thoughts! So, what did you think? Haha, I think he's a little bit to negative, but that's my Kael and he can't be different!:) He also has a few suicidal thoughts… Hmm, that's a little disturbing…

Yeah, and I'll like to inform you that some of this story will be told from Hunter's POV. None of us, (not even I!), know Hunter very well, and we have to get to know his thoughts about everything, right?:)

And thanks for all the wonderful reviews!:) I won't be doing review replies here anymore, but if you have some questions that needs to be answered I'll answer them individually with the awesome review-reply-thingy I have just discovered!:)