4Sorrow is for Tomorrow
'Claire! You alright? Gemma just told me you went off crying.'
Jamie put his arm around me and pulled me close before I could so much as sniffle. I put my head on his shoulder and sighed.
Good old Jamie. He always made me feel better.
'I'll be fine in a minute,' I told him. 'It's just that Carly; I hate her! She makes fun of me because I wear glasses, because I like reading, because of the music I listen to. Every which way I turn she's there taunting me with that bloody patronising smile of hers!'
'Hey! Don't you even think of getting upset and dwelling over this! You're worth ten of her, no doubt about it.' He let me lean into him as he stroked my unruly curls.
That's exactly what Gemma had said earlier, and yesterday, and the day before that, but with Jamie it seemed to sink in straight away. I knew I could count on him to make me feel good about myself, knew he wouldn't leave me anytime soon.
'Now, what would you say to one of those Cadbury's Creme egg McFlurrys? I heard they just started bringing them out again.' When he saw the doubtful look on my face he reassured me. 'Your mum won't be there to lecture you on the three thousand (odd) calories in it…'
I smiled up at him, loving the way his eyes twinkled with mischief. He could make any girl happy- I was just happy that that any girl was me.
'She'd have a fit if she saw me in there!' I wasn't joking around, either. My mother wanted me to be a tiny waisted, big busted younger Dolly Parton look-a-like. But that wasn't likely to happen anytime soon, least of all because I couldn't carry a tune-even if it had handles.
Jamie just winked. 'Too bad she won't be there then.'
He placed an arm around my waist once more and then led the way to the exit. When we reached the zebra-crossing he stopped and leant down to kiss me.
'Watch out!'
I jerked awake.
Geez, that was one helluva nightmare. It had become a very frequent one, though.
Then I had the sense to look at my alarm clock.
7:13 am. Saturday 14th June 2009.
And then it hit me.
My reoccurring nightmare was real.
It was over a week ago that Carly Peters had made me cry.
Over a week ago when Jamie, my first love, had suggested we get a Cadbury's Creme egg McFlurry from the McDonalds across the street to our school.
Over a week ago when the drunk driver had struck Jamie down and then gone rampaging on until he had driven into a lamppost.
You see, Jamie had been the first to take notice of the warning shout. He had seen the car and thrown himself in front of me; to protect me.
His protection had cost him his life, along with a part of my heart.
There was a thought which nagged at the edge pf my mind. It reminded me of why I cried every time before I went to sleep and after I remembered again in the morning.
It was Jamie's funeral today. I was meant to be giving a speech.
I pulled myself together after a few minutes of helpless emotion and wiped away the tears that had been silently pouring down my cheeks.
Dragging myself into the shower and letting the hot water cascade down my body mentally restored some of the energy that sorrow had taken away from me.
Jamie had always said he wanted people to celebrate the life he had had, not to dwell on his death. He had wanted more colours than black, grey and deep lilac at his funeral, colours that would represent the celebration of life.
In the back of my brain, I thought I had had an inkling that he would die. Then I would always say that I was silly to think this. How could he have known he would be starring as the victim of a drunk driver?
Despite Jamie's request for colours I couldn't bring myself to wear colourful clothes. Not even Jamie's favourite outfit of mine, a blue twin sweater set, with a black rara skirt, red footless tights that had been all the rage two tears ago and black converse. Just looking at the articles of clothing brought tears to my eyes.
Instead, I pulled out an assortment of black clothes from my gothic stage. Just for Jamie's memory I put on red heels and a red neck scarf.
His favourite colour was red.
The thought set me off again and this time the tears went from clear to the black of my mascara.
My signature red-rimmed glasses contrasted starkly with my fiery hair. Jamie had always loved my hair, said it couldn't be tamed, just like my personality.
I took a long look at myself in the oval mirror hanging from one of the walls.
I could just imagine what Jamie would say were he here.
'Claire, honey, you look fab! The neck scarf sets off the highlights in your hair really well. I mean, I'm no fashion expert, but if Carly Peters saw you now she'd turn green with envy.'
His voice was so clear in my mind. I didn't want to say goodbye.
'Now, a few words from Jamie's girlfriend, Claire Summers.'
The word 'girlfriend' undermined our whole relationship, but I was too upset to say anything about it.
I stepped up behind the altar and looked up to see about a hundred pairs of puffy red eyes watching me. I could see Jamie's parents, his younger brother Harry and his best friend Nick. I could see my best friend Gemma Clements and I could even see Carly Peters.
It was almost too much for me to bear.
But I would be strong for Jamie.
'Jamie was loved by everyone who spoke to him.' I spoke truthfully; deep down in some people and straight to the surface in others- he was that animated.
'He was someone you could count on to listen. In fact, he'd probably get offended if you were acquainted, needed help and didn't spill your guts straight away. You could always depend on him to cheer you up, to make you fell safe, to shield you from the harshness of the world.
'I leaned on him many a time and I haven't stopped being grateful ever since- I don't think I ever will. He always said he would dedicate a song to those he loved, but he never got around to telling me what song it was.
'So when, eight days ago, he gave his life to protect me, a part of me died with him. I loved him with all my heart and I know I'm not the only one. That day my world fell apart. And so, I dedicate a song to him, to Jamie Hunter, my Jamie.'
It was then that a renewed version of Fall To Pieces by Velvet Revolver came out through the speakers. Over the introduction I managed to say while tears spilled from my eyes, 'to Jamie Hunter. The one we love and will love forever.'