3CHAPTER FOUR
Back in our uinverse, Dave was tied to a stake in the backyard.
James and Oliver had been forced to fill in the holes and make repairs by the adults, but Dave thought they'd gotten off easy. Here he was, chained up to his house, which he had no access to.
Right now, he was tugging at it as hard as he could.
"Come on! Loosen up! Snap! Disconnect! Disintegrate! Be eaten by a walrus! I don't care which! Just let me go! ATTICA! ATTICA!" he wailed.
Suddenly, an old shoe came flying in from the neighbor's yard, clocking him in the face and knocking him to the ground.
"SHADDUP!" someone shouted.
Dave rubbed his nose as he stood up in anger.
Around that moment, Rhett came climbing over the fence and bounded in to the yard.
"How goes the prison sentence?" he asked, approaching Dave.
Dave glared at him.
"Come a little closer and ask me," he dared.
Rhett kept a distance.
"Anyway, the New Year's party is in two days," he said.
"So? Who cares? We can't go, remember? Thanks to our stupid owners who are ruining our entire lives, along with the idiot who invented the spinning bowtie, we are missing out on the party of the century. Well, you know what? That's okay. Know why? Because one of these days, WE ARE GONNA GET US A CAR, AND WE'RE GONNA DRIVE THAT CAR OUT OF THIS STINKING TOWN, AND WE'RE NOT GONNA LOOK BACK AT THE FREAKIN' UGLINESS THAT IS HUMANITY! YEAH! THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO! NEVER! LOOK! BACK!"
By now, Dave was standing atop his doghouse with arms outstretched, and Rhett was lying on his back, watching him through his glasses.
Dave finally got down.
"But I'm not bitter," he said, calmed down.
Bert came outside.
"Hey, Dave. You've been stealing material again?"
"Maybe a part of it," Dave admitted. "Rhett. Bert. We are going to that party."
"You're forgetting two minor factors," said Bert. "James and Oliver."
"Look, all we need to do is tell James that we're spending the night at Oliver's, and then, Rhett, you'll tell Oliver that you're spending the night at our house. Then we stash most of our stuff here at the doghouse, get a ride to the party, get a ride back here where we grab about three hours of sleep, then we wake up early and go home. Nobody will notice a thing!"
Rhett and Bert exchanged glances.
Then Bert began to check things off on his fingers.
"Insincerity. Insubordination. Insolence. Gee! Doesn't your plan have a downside?" he asked sarcastically.
"Look, do you want to go to the party or not?" Dave demanded.
Rhett and Bert thought for a while, and then nodded reluctantly.
"Good. We'll put the plan into action tomorrow."
Rhett nodded and went back over the fence.
Bert scurried back into the house.
Dave then turned back to the chain.
"All righty, where was we?" he said, picking it up.
Then he resumed tugging at it.
"LET ME GO, YOU FILTHY PIECES OF MELTAL! I AM THE SUPREME!" he shouted.
As he tugged, though, evil was brewing somewhere across town.
Wiggles and Computer were watching the Home Shopping Channel.
"Ooh! A pickle slicer! I could use one of those!" said Computer.
"You don't eat," said Wiggles.
"So? I could use it."
"You don't have any hands."
"I could use it to bug the boss."
"He's not going to come back. Odds of him returning are—"
BRZAP!
Dr Frankincense poofed in through a field of magical energy, clutching the giant wand.
"SUCCESS!" he whooped.
Wiggles grabbed the phone.
"Hello. Home Shopping Channel? How much for the pickle slicer?" he asked.
Dr Frankincense grabbed Computer's watch.
"I have the wand!" he cheered.
"Whoop-dee-doo for you," Computer replied.
Dr Frankincense uploaded him to a monitor that was nearby.
Computer switched to it.
"Okay, boys, time to plan strategy. What can we do?" Frankincense said.
Wiggles spoke up.
"Well, we could—"
"WAIT! I'VE GOT IT! We'll use the famous rambler attack!"
"Do you think that's wise, sir?" Wiggles asked unsurely.
Dr Frankincense whipped his head towards Wiggles.
"Wise? WISE?! It's bloody brilliant! Best…idea ever!"
He ran out of the room with the wand.
Three seconds passed.
Wiggles counted down silently.
Then he pointed out the door.
KABLAM!
Smoke shot out the door from the room.
There was another brief pause.
Dr Frankincense came back, still carrying the wand.
"It didn't work," he said angrily. "I thought it was a stupid idea all along! It was all your idea, Wiggles! What else do you have, you stupid, stupid man!" he growled.
"Well, sir, you could start by throwing Falcon off your scent and accuse some random person of stealing your wand. That way you can plan things without him interfering," said Wiggles.
Dr Frankincense stared into space for a couple of seconds.
"That's just BLOODY brilliant, Wiggles. I'll start that at once!"
He pulled the giant wand up over his head.
"Okay, let's see. How do you steer this thing?" he wondered.
He whapped the staff against the ground, thought of what he wanted to do, and there was a sudden explosion of light that shot through the ceiling.
"Oooh," everyone said.
The light shot through the air in a straight line going up.
Once it got high enough, it split in two directions.
One kept on going forward, and the other headed further into town.
The blast that kept going flew across several universes instantaneously. It flew into Falcon the Wizard's castle. It flew past several halls until it reached him.
Falcon was looking under a couch for the wand, when, suddenly, he was smacked in the head by the magic from the wand.
When the blast finished firing a second later, he emerged from underneath with a lethal expression on his face.
"Him…," he hissed.
Meanwhile, Dave was wearing a metal mask and holding a lit acetylene torch to the chain. He was in the process of cutting it when suddenly…
SWISH!
Dave turned off the torch and removed the mask in time to look up and noticed the shot of light, but he shrugged it off.
The blast flew through a window in the house and hit someone on the head.
And that person was James.
James was clobbered over the back of the head by it, and he collapsed to the floor.
"What the heck was that?!" he shouted.
He attempted to get up again, but he wound up tripping over his own feet.
"OW!"
Dave listened from below.
"Hm. He must be practicing his dance moves," he said.
Back in the lab, the firing blast of magic finally stopped flowing.
Dr Frankincense fell to the ground and dropped the wand, allowing it to drop to the ground.
WHAM!
It struck the ground so hard that it sent another blast of magic at a desk, changing it into a plant.
"Huh," said Wiggles. "I hope no one's allergic to that."
"Perfect!" said Dr F. "With any luck, I have just distracted Falcon for a while. Then, when he finally wises up, I'll rule him! Ooh, a twist! I like the sound of that!"
And he ran off, carrying the wand.
Computer and Wiggles resumed watching television.
The next day, Dave was preparing for his plan.
Rhett and Bert were standing in the backyard.
"Okay, guys, let's get down to business," said Dave. "Are we ready?"
"To lie to our master? Maybe," said Bert.
"Get in there!" said Dave.
The three ran into the house.
Suddenly, there was an explosion, and the backyard exploded.
Dirt, grass and worms flew everywhere.
Dave, Rhett and Bert whirled around.
The all-powerful Falcon the Wizard was floating there.
They stared at him.
"Well, there's something you don't see everyday," said Rhett.