This time I could not wait

not day after day

wanting to hear the words you could never say.

And this night

with this candle burning bright

and the colors melt to fade away.

I knew your love for me

was only temporary

bought on loan,

never meant to own,

it was never your way.

I watched you leave in the darkness

No "goodbyes"

or lullabyes of why you wouldn't stay;

And I always knew

when it came to you,

I'd stayed too long

just one last song

and maybe you'd change your mind;

But I knew it all the time,

from the moment we began,

you were never mine.

You never noticed what I fought through,

you were just too busy to look my way.

I walked past mirrors

drowned in my own smoked reflection

and no direction

on where to go.

My eyes wet with tears

A ghost in the hall,

A picture on the wall;

I've been invisible all these years.

Black is the color of my soul,

Dear Jesus,

and emptiness fills my heart;

A simple and lonely girl

lost in this cruel world,

not sure where to end this

and how to begin to start.

I fear with this upcoming year-

age of grace

such a pretty face

still poised for the photograph;

only my image was taken too late.

Sorrow is the feeling I now hold,

my darling,

Can you answer me this?

when love's without bliss,

will I ever grow old?

I read your invitation

without hesitation,

I read it more than once,

and then I tucked it away.

But love,

I did not respond

It just couldn't go on;

Because my words would have been of emotions

belonging to our yesterday.

I'm drifting in this memory

A bauble of hope of what used to be;

A charm braclet of symbols

representing you and me.

The way you left me was rather unkind.

though you were gone long before I even knew;

I turned away,

what could I say?

only pretending I didn't mind.

What good would it do to cry?

you never really looked to see

what I felt in the soul of my eyes.

I fell

I fell for you

Like a lover

Like a leaf from a tree.

I thought your presence gave me the strength

to breathe,

and my heart the chance to believe;

and all the while you were taking the best

part of me.

Some savior

Some pseudo-angel;

My God,

I fear I'll never have wings,

or a halo to surround my dreams.

This love

like blood

keeps pouring into the chalice

and I drink so I may be blessed.

Dear God,

Sweet Mary,

Where were you when I was held down

and took what was left of my flesh?

Dear Jesus,

I read your invitation

and without hesitation,

you stood there and left me for dead.

Kimberly Ellis