8-05-06

Fighting

(For my best friend)

When we fight

I feel terrible

Heart aching

Regret

Harsh words

I wish I could retract

Crazy emotions

Inner turmoil

Tears form

But I hold them back

Not wanting you to see

My weakness

The anger subsides

I sit and think

Questioning

Why fight?

I hate fighting

Verbal cruelty

My best friend

My secret-keeper

Source of advice

Shopping buddy

Nutritionist

Guidance Counselor

I ask myself

Why fight?

I was afraid

You, impatient

Me, defensive

You stuck by me

Memories

Wash over me

Like the crashing surf

I feared to face

Like a snapshot

Frozen in time

Prom night

Crazy drama

Obsession

Worrying about weight

Being shallow

Refusing to eat

You were gorgeous

As always

I was self-conscious

Insecure

You stuck by me

(You always do)

Another night

Eating dinner

Surrounded by family

Singing your praises

Giving you gifts

I was selfish

Feeling out of place

Like a failure

Inadequate

Wanting to hide

I hold back tears

Fake a smile

Sicknesses

Boy problems

Trouble in school

Worrying about money

You were always there

When I felt weak

You wouldn't understand

You're so brave

Diving in waves

Where I dare not stand

Spinning so fast

I sit and watch

Beautiful and confident

Always laughing

Not plagued by doubt

Not afraid to be you

I count calories

While you count friends

The truth?

I'm Jealous

I'm not brilliant

I'm not pretty

I'm not organized

I'm not brave

Sometimes I fear

That whatever I do

Isn't good enough

I can't catch up

To you

You're amazing

I know nobody's perfect

I hardly expect perfection

But with a friend like you

My idol

Sometimes

It's hard to keep up

Your patience bothers me

I wish you understood

If you could fly

I would grow wings

Just so I could share that

With you

Summer wanes

Autumn approaches

Soon leaves will change

The sea breeze will fade

You will go your own way

I'm scared

How can I survive

Without my guide

My interpreter

My almost sister?

Without you there

What will I do?

I'm afraid

That we'll drift apart

That I might fail

Where you excel

That I won't call

Or you won't answer

But I figure

As long as I know

You'll always be there

I can cope

With your forgiveness

I persevere

I'm sorry.