Cogitation

I dream

for my perfect life

for time alone

time with myself

I wish

to leave normal life behind

and to live

where normal life cant find me

I want

to live the life I want

alone

secluded

isolated

I long

for the selfish life

with all the things

that pleasure me

but without anything else

without anyone else

because

the only time I'm

at home with myself

is when I'm by myself

alone

secluded

isolated

and true to the real me

the one that never apologizes

that never smiles or wants to

the real me doesn't need to be happy

not that I'm sad

I'm just

suspended

in myself

with the peace

of myself

and the relief of no one else

and I always hear people say

be yourself

be yourself

there's no one better you can be

well if you start out

as someone else

it's a little late to change

and the laziness

of being me

when I'm already not

even in the suspended

unknown place

of being happy

by being unhappy

being in the perfect spot

of life

of my dream life

of leaving life behind

and it makes me wonder

does life exist like mine?